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December 10, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Love your story. I'm reading the new chapters as you put them up on your web site. Looking foward to more. Thanks for writing.
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December 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Oh, I am really enjoying this fic! I usually don’t read WIP or incomplete fics (I know it makes me a terrible person, but I got so tired of reading really good fics that were abandoned and I also have no patience waiting for updates even though I love comments about my own stuff when I’m writing and I take forever to update) but this really is a promising beginning. I’m afraid I can’t offer any constructive criticism other than saying I enjoy your writing style and find everything to be flowing nicely. Please keep going and don’t disappoint your readers by stopping! (hint hint)
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December 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Argh, such a cliffhanger.
I would like to say that you write Ino very well, and I like your Sakura too. The story is progressing fairly nicely and your dialogue is still strong.
Concrit: I'm glad that you are going to try to take the sentence paragraph thing into consideration, because there were some parts that really stuck out this time. Most of your errors are very tiny, and are things that you could fix by having a beta go through the story before posting (but I know good proof-readers are hard to come by). There really aren't that many of them either, just a few here and there. Kakashi seems a bit naive, and unless that is an act for him to inquire information about what is going on with Sakura, might be a little off in characterization. Kakashi is a person who I always picture to be completely in the know, but chooses to play dumb when it suits him. Even with his friend, but I do believe that it comes from a very caring place, and is only so he can help those who he cares about.
Anywhoosits, please continue. I was happy to see an update so quickly. I can't wait for the next one.
I would like to say that you write Ino very well, and I like your Sakura too. The story is progressing fairly nicely and your dialogue is still strong.
Concrit: I'm glad that you are going to try to take the sentence paragraph thing into consideration, because there were some parts that really stuck out this time. Most of your errors are very tiny, and are things that you could fix by having a beta go through the story before posting (but I know good proof-readers are hard to come by). There really aren't that many of them either, just a few here and there. Kakashi seems a bit naive, and unless that is an act for him to inquire information about what is going on with Sakura, might be a little off in characterization. Kakashi is a person who I always picture to be completely in the know, but chooses to play dumb when it suits him. Even with his friend, but I do believe that it comes from a very caring place, and is only so he can help those who he cares about.
Anywhoosits, please continue. I was happy to see an update so quickly. I can't wait for the next one.
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December 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
This sounds great so far. I am interested.
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December 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I'm finding the premise very interesting so far. That and I love Kakashi and Sakura. I really like your Tsunade, you write her very well. You wanted concrit, and it has been so long since I've given any, and I have been burned by giving my opinion so many times, that I'm not really sure where to start anymore. XD How bout this, the next chapter I will try my darndest to give you a full and well written critique? For now I think you should know that I'm enjoying it and that I definitely think that you should continue it. There were a few places where you had very short paragraphs, but not for dialogue reasons. That would be a place you might want to watch yourself. One sentence a paragraph does not make (most of the time XD). But really, it is good, and I can't wait for more.