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May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I can't wait to see how things turn out in the next chapter.
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May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
ha! What timing!! ^^
Keep up the great work!
Keep up the great work!
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May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hey this is me citrine59/twinkle! Oh my god, you brought out Sasuke's character so well in this chapter...he was totally IC. He was struggling not to be too antisocial in a job where he has to please clients...you pulled it off really well! I love Sutra's personality. There's no work place without an easy going, funnny gossiper like him. AND Sasuke UZUMAKI FTW!!! I rofled so bad when they were like "ya ya, ur Sasuke Uzumaki, we know already!" But the thing is that I read the other 12 chapters like a month ago - in just one single go...haha remember i told u i skipped class to read it? I wasn't kidding. I have to go back and read the entire thing again to jog my memory about the plot. Good job with this chapter. Can't wait for the next part. Do well on ur exam! <3
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May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
God, I love this story. I'm so sad to know that it's soon over, but it's been a fun ride. Poor Naruto and his frustration. Sasuke just loves making things difficult, doesn't he?
Bah, I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work.
Bah, I can't wait to see what happens next. Keep up the good work.
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May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
You call this regulary? X( You know what I call it? I call it not nearly enough!
Okay, okay, so it's not your fault you have a life and all... But I was just getting really relaxed, enjoying so how Sasuke's fist hit (stupid deserving) people on their own, and then - over. D: And there's this huge cliffhanger, too. Meany!
Sorry. I know I'm whining. I just love the story, you know?
=D
Okay, okay, so it's not your fault you have a life and all... But I was just getting really relaxed, enjoying so how Sasuke's fist hit (stupid deserving) people on their own, and then - over. D: And there's this huge cliffhanger, too. Meany!
Sorry. I know I'm whining. I just love the story, you know?
=D
schedule
May 21, 2009 at 12:00 AM
(*reading the A/N*) “Just a couple more to go.” Really?? I would’ve thought it’d have a long way to go. ____ And you’d be surprised; some OCs are pretty good if they’re done right. =)
Chapter 13: Kama as in “Kama Sutra”? =) ____ Mmm, might want to connect “Tanaka” and “san” with a little dash in the middle. Same with “Uzumaki san” and etc. ____ Just goes to show, Sasuke, that Naruto feels like he owns you. ____ I wonder if Naruto gave her a family name for himself. ____ Well, so far she seems okay to me. ____ “It took a moment for Sasuke to get used to the site that greeted him.” Actually, in that context, it’s “sight”. ____ “Tanaka was watching his reaction closely.” Hmmm, I wonder if she’s onto him. ____ Yeah, she’s onto him, alright. ____ Wait, “Yahiko”? Is that a coincidence?? ____ Why would it be suspicious if the owner talks to the receptionist more than once? Sounds normal to me. =\ ____ (*snort*) Lol at the dude with pink hair and Sasuke’s thoughts about it. XD ____ This is cool seeing undercover stuff like this. And Naruto definitely wants to own Sasuke, there’s no denying it. ____ “Though, once they see you, that wont be for long.” Two things: One, you forgot the opening quotes before though, and Two, “won’t” needs the apostrophe. ____ I always love it when Sasuke thinks a woman looks pretty, even if he’s not into them. =) ____ Heh—I wonder if this woman is at all like him. ____ Hah—“Sutra”. Nice name. ____ Lol at Sasuke’s surprise at feeling a woman’s angry looks turned onto him. ^^ ____ Well, either way, this woman is a real piece of work. ____ So Konoha’s not a small town? Seems kinda little to me. ____ “He thanked god that no one he knew could see him like this.” Yet. >_>; ____ I like the new feelings Sasuke’s having. He’s not used to women glaring at him like that, nor being ordered around. This must be slightly challenging for him. The challenge to endure. ____ “Maybe Naruto should have taken this job after all.” But what would stop him from jumping the clients or staff? ____ God, smiling is so not him. Poor guy.
I wonder how Sasuke feels about it. Last I checked, he didn’t seem too thrilled. Then again, maybe he’s changed his mind over the past two weeks. (Lol, yeah right.) ____ “Back fire” should all be one word. ____ BWAHAHAHAHA!! “Was he always going to have to be the mature one in their relationship?” XDDD If only Sasuke could hear that! ____ Boy, I hope they don’t jump some poor random guy instead. ^^; ____ I don’t get that chakra signature thing. If Sasuke could use it, he wouldn’t need Karin in the manga. ____ Interesting how Sasuke’s getting worn out by the whole business. ____ Awwww. ♥ ____ “He just couldn’t fathom why was Sasuke fighting it so hard.” Might want to switch those two words. ____ Ahhh, interesting, Naruto’s having second thoughts. ____ (*sniff*) I can just feel the frustration! Poor Naruto. Poor Sasuke. ó_ò
Oh god, the pain! ^^; ____ “He told himself he should be used to this by now …” That doesn’t necessarily means he can take it in stride. I’ve seen the way he lashed and glowered at Ino and Sakura whenever they hit on him when he was 12. And it’s worse here, because he has to be polite. ____ NICE ONE, Sasuke! “Only when you give respect do you receive it in turn, Ara san.” >:D And Ara sounds like a wimp, since “san” is supposed to be kind of polite, too. ____ Crap. ____ No! Don’t do it! Say “To hell with you,” and quit! Tell this fatass to fuck off! Come on, Sasukeeeee! (*whines*) ____ Hahahaha, even better. Take that, jerkoff! >D ____ Oh wow. That’s a surprise. Hayate’s not kissing that guy’s ass. ô_ô ____ Unless, Hayate’s setting a trap for Sasuke. A bit of advice, though: her attitude now seems to be completely different from earlier. It’s possible for her to be a little stressed out and not so … I dunno, weepy about it. Heh—actually, she could be beating herself up in the “*grumble*grumble*” way that Sasuke does privately. I can kind of see him trying to pacify her while he’s mentally grumbling to himself about the whole thing as well. ^^ ____ Dun dun-dun-dun.
So far, I think the chapter’s great. I think that last scene with Hayate needs just a little more work, but other than that, it’s mostly fine. =) ♥
Chapter 13: Kama as in “Kama Sutra”? =) ____ Mmm, might want to connect “Tanaka” and “san” with a little dash in the middle. Same with “Uzumaki san” and etc. ____ Just goes to show, Sasuke, that Naruto feels like he owns you. ____ I wonder if Naruto gave her a family name for himself. ____ Well, so far she seems okay to me. ____ “It took a moment for Sasuke to get used to the site that greeted him.” Actually, in that context, it’s “sight”. ____ “Tanaka was watching his reaction closely.” Hmmm, I wonder if she’s onto him. ____ Yeah, she’s onto him, alright. ____ Wait, “Yahiko”? Is that a coincidence?? ____ Why would it be suspicious if the owner talks to the receptionist more than once? Sounds normal to me. =\ ____ (*snort*) Lol at the dude with pink hair and Sasuke’s thoughts about it. XD ____ This is cool seeing undercover stuff like this. And Naruto definitely wants to own Sasuke, there’s no denying it. ____ “Though, once they see you, that wont be for long.” Two things: One, you forgot the opening quotes before though, and Two, “won’t” needs the apostrophe. ____ I always love it when Sasuke thinks a woman looks pretty, even if he’s not into them. =) ____ Heh—I wonder if this woman is at all like him. ____ Hah—“Sutra”. Nice name. ____ Lol at Sasuke’s surprise at feeling a woman’s angry looks turned onto him. ^^ ____ Well, either way, this woman is a real piece of work. ____ So Konoha’s not a small town? Seems kinda little to me. ____ “He thanked god that no one he knew could see him like this.” Yet. >_>; ____ I like the new feelings Sasuke’s having. He’s not used to women glaring at him like that, nor being ordered around. This must be slightly challenging for him. The challenge to endure. ____ “Maybe Naruto should have taken this job after all.” But what would stop him from jumping the clients or staff? ____ God, smiling is so not him. Poor guy.
I wonder how Sasuke feels about it. Last I checked, he didn’t seem too thrilled. Then again, maybe he’s changed his mind over the past two weeks. (Lol, yeah right.) ____ “Back fire” should all be one word. ____ BWAHAHAHAHA!! “Was he always going to have to be the mature one in their relationship?” XDDD If only Sasuke could hear that! ____ Boy, I hope they don’t jump some poor random guy instead. ^^; ____ I don’t get that chakra signature thing. If Sasuke could use it, he wouldn’t need Karin in the manga. ____ Interesting how Sasuke’s getting worn out by the whole business. ____ Awwww. ♥ ____ “He just couldn’t fathom why was Sasuke fighting it so hard.” Might want to switch those two words. ____ Ahhh, interesting, Naruto’s having second thoughts. ____ (*sniff*) I can just feel the frustration! Poor Naruto. Poor Sasuke. ó_ò
Oh god, the pain! ^^; ____ “He told himself he should be used to this by now …” That doesn’t necessarily means he can take it in stride. I’ve seen the way he lashed and glowered at Ino and Sakura whenever they hit on him when he was 12. And it’s worse here, because he has to be polite. ____ NICE ONE, Sasuke! “Only when you give respect do you receive it in turn, Ara san.” >:D And Ara sounds like a wimp, since “san” is supposed to be kind of polite, too. ____ Crap. ____ No! Don’t do it! Say “To hell with you,” and quit! Tell this fatass to fuck off! Come on, Sasukeeeee! (*whines*) ____ Hahahaha, even better. Take that, jerkoff! >D ____ Oh wow. That’s a surprise. Hayate’s not kissing that guy’s ass. ô_ô ____ Unless, Hayate’s setting a trap for Sasuke. A bit of advice, though: her attitude now seems to be completely different from earlier. It’s possible for her to be a little stressed out and not so … I dunno, weepy about it. Heh—actually, she could be beating herself up in the “*grumble*grumble*” way that Sasuke does privately. I can kind of see him trying to pacify her while he’s mentally grumbling to himself about the whole thing as well. ^^ ____ Dun dun-dun-dun.
So far, I think the chapter’s great. I think that last scene with Hayate needs just a little more work, but other than that, it’s mostly fine. =) ♥
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May 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
=OOO nobody is reviewing!!?? This is one of my favorite stories and I can't WAIT till Sasuke gives in. I also want to know his reaction (if he ever finds out) to Naruto's actual need for him... oooooh so intriguing na no da. xDDDDD
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May 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I like the chapter, and I like the story :) don't know what to say, but I really do like it, and I look forward to the next chapter, whenever it might be :)
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May 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter glad to see it getting the plot moving forward, I am definitely looking forward to more love developing between Naruto and Sasuke in the up coming chapters.
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May 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
what to say? what to say?
hahha... you know I thinkI should go back the way I came here... I think that I pushed some people out of the road when I saw on y!gal you had updated ... wohohoho
you know this chapter was full with awesomess :D I love how naruto gave sasuke his last name XD
aw~~~ .:pets Naruto:. you know sometimes is annoying how scared Sasuke can get that he ends hurting Naruto... bad sas'ke! bad!
and one thing my dear... I think your oc characters were necesary so don't worry about that :loves:
hahha... you know I thinkI should go back the way I came here... I think that I pushed some people out of the road when I saw on y!gal you had updated ... wohohoho
you know this chapter was full with awesomess :D I love how naruto gave sasuke his last name XD
aw~~~ .:pets Naruto:. you know sometimes is annoying how scared Sasuke can get that he ends hurting Naruto... bad sas'ke! bad!
and one thing my dear... I think your oc characters were necesary so don't worry about that :loves: