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April 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i can't help coming p with a plot but i can give advice on it. I'll also Beta spelling and grammar (which i'm good at) if you decide you want to continue this story.
Valheruyaoi(at)yahoo(dot)com
Valheruyaoi(at)yahoo(dot)com
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December 24, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like it and can't wait to see what happens next. PLEASE UPDATE SOON.
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December 21, 2007 at 12:00 AM
don't worry so much ;]
it's pretty good!
it's just seems a little rushed
maybe put more detail in
ready for more now xD
it's pretty good!
it's just seems a little rushed
maybe put more detail in
ready for more now xD
schedule
December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
more more more more more more more more more more
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December 19, 2007 at 12:00 AM
youre right, this chapter was a bit sporadic...but i like sporadic ^__~ keep up the good work and i cant wait till you update!!!
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December 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
i loved the story so far....please continue it
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December 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
oh. my. god.
Its like, in backlash against anything critical people had to say about your story, you decided dissolve your English skills further, use less proper grammar or punctuation, not to mention completely do away with capitalization all together!! Even though this chapter was even shorter it took me almost twice as much time to read!! I had to go back over several of the sentences before I got their proper meaning and then reorganize the words in my brain in order to make sense of it all! This is insanity!
Seriously, you need a beta and stat. ç_ç
This is normally the point where I put words of encouragement in my reviews... but I don't know what to say.
Its like, in backlash against anything critical people had to say about your story, you decided dissolve your English skills further, use less proper grammar or punctuation, not to mention completely do away with capitalization all together!! Even though this chapter was even shorter it took me almost twice as much time to read!! I had to go back over several of the sentences before I got their proper meaning and then reorganize the words in my brain in order to make sense of it all! This is insanity!
Seriously, you need a beta and stat. ç_ç
This is normally the point where I put words of encouragement in my reviews... but I don't know what to say.
schedule
December 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
The idea is an adorable one. You do need to try to lengthen the chapters if you can and as you mentioned, there were some spelling mistakes. However, I will be watching this one because I like the content. Writing is only perfected by continuing to write, even if it's akward reading at first. :-) Keep going!
schedule
December 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I like where you are going with this, but what you've written seems like more of an overview of a chapter than an actual chapter.
I'd like to see you go back and flesh this chapter out. Our perspective as a reader is too far back. Don't be afraid to get a little closer and more in depth with the characters and what they're doing. I want read some of the conversations between the Inuzuka clan about the development of this jitsu and what they hope to accomplish with it. They already have slitted eyes, teeth, enhanced smell and nails. How are they trying to improve on this. Perhaps they are trying to concentrate all the chakara of the clan to create a surge so that it can affect all of them at once. The surge explodes outwards and they are disappointed at the lack of immediate change, not realizing that their combined chakara has indeed worked and that it also had a much wider range than expected.
I also would like the see the part where Naruto wakes up and goes about his morning routine until he is stopped by his image in the mirror to be more first person. A groggy Naruto, yawning, stretching, maybe reflecting yesterdays training and today's eagerness for ramen. I want to read about his initial shock and disbelief at what he sees in the mirror. I want to read about his thought process upon rationalizing what he sees. Does he going into a sort of denial at first? Does he think its got to be a dream, only to pinch himself and end up in pain? Does he try to rationalize that this has to be a joke and tugs his ears and tail in an attempt to get rid of them? Does his start hyperventilating and freaking out about not only the repercussions of this, but why it might of happened? Does he think it has something to do with the Kyuubi and fears that maybe his hard training the previous day pushed his limits and lead to some kind of merging? As he starts to freak out only then should have start flashing back to all the harsh treatment, abuse and rape he's going through and the despair at realizing that all the hard work that he's done in gaining recognition from people might easily become washed away, what kind of desperation starts going through his mind? Is his first reaction to run away, or does he start plotting how he should hide what he looks like and try to reach Tsunande? Perhaps he tries speaking to the fox or hopes to hide under his covers in hopes that it will just go away on his own. I want to know these things and I hope you will go into them!
Another question is whither or not this jitsu affects only ninja with animal traits or does it reach further? Does Shino grow insect wings? Does Anko grow fangs and scales?
I seriously hope you develop this further, and until then, I am eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Good luck!
I'd like to see you go back and flesh this chapter out. Our perspective as a reader is too far back. Don't be afraid to get a little closer and more in depth with the characters and what they're doing. I want read some of the conversations between the Inuzuka clan about the development of this jitsu and what they hope to accomplish with it. They already have slitted eyes, teeth, enhanced smell and nails. How are they trying to improve on this. Perhaps they are trying to concentrate all the chakara of the clan to create a surge so that it can affect all of them at once. The surge explodes outwards and they are disappointed at the lack of immediate change, not realizing that their combined chakara has indeed worked and that it also had a much wider range than expected.
I also would like the see the part where Naruto wakes up and goes about his morning routine until he is stopped by his image in the mirror to be more first person. A groggy Naruto, yawning, stretching, maybe reflecting yesterdays training and today's eagerness for ramen. I want to read about his initial shock and disbelief at what he sees in the mirror. I want to read about his thought process upon rationalizing what he sees. Does he going into a sort of denial at first? Does he think its got to be a dream, only to pinch himself and end up in pain? Does he try to rationalize that this has to be a joke and tugs his ears and tail in an attempt to get rid of them? Does his start hyperventilating and freaking out about not only the repercussions of this, but why it might of happened? Does he think it has something to do with the Kyuubi and fears that maybe his hard training the previous day pushed his limits and lead to some kind of merging? As he starts to freak out only then should have start flashing back to all the harsh treatment, abuse and rape he's going through and the despair at realizing that all the hard work that he's done in gaining recognition from people might easily become washed away, what kind of desperation starts going through his mind? Is his first reaction to run away, or does he start plotting how he should hide what he looks like and try to reach Tsunande? Perhaps he tries speaking to the fox or hopes to hide under his covers in hopes that it will just go away on his own. I want to know these things and I hope you will go into them!
Another question is whither or not this jitsu affects only ninja with animal traits or does it reach further? Does Shino grow insect wings? Does Anko grow fangs and scales?
I seriously hope you develop this further, and until then, I am eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Good luck!
schedule
December 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
OMG poor naru-chan!!! maybe he should do a henge or something to hide the animal traits and go see tsunade for help. i also cant wait to see if our dear sasuke will knock-up lil naru-chan. Update again soon!!