errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
April 30, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love your story, I'm going to keep reading the next chapter but wanted to leave my e-mail here so when you update I can be emailed. Thanks, ~SangoStar
schedule
April 21, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i usually dont read AU. BUT THIS IS GREAT!! i really hope u write more to this, really great
schedule
April 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
is good to know that you're still working on the fic (I shouldn't have read it until you did 'cause I'm not patient!!! lol)
I like it, the plot and the character are very... on character? hahaha XD I love Sasuke's denial!
you know I kinda thought about body memory with them...
the only thing (if I may) is the way the family is reacting to Naruto... let me try to explain myself:
I DO undestand that Mikoto had to forget Naruto but I really could see her as a overprotective mother (that's your fault! ^-^) but I think that it was to easy, yes, she can see that he really likes Sas'ke, but I think that it could be like more credible if Naruto had done something to prove himself. it was diferent with Futaku... he wasn't mad at all, but she was
until now I think that the more ... realistic reaction was Sakura's even when I think it was to much to start the "fight" in front of everybody in the party, the Uchihas are known to be stoic... but yeah... I can understand that Sasuke was in shock and everything.
but what I loved! was the last "scene" not because Sasuke had an accident, but the way you described... we can notice that it was "in the present" because it wasn't in italics anymore but if that was in the anime you could get really confused wich time line it was until...... you see Sasuke's car!!! OMFG!!!
do you have like an update list???
I like it, the plot and the character are very... on character? hahaha XD I love Sasuke's denial!
you know I kinda thought about body memory with them...
the only thing (if I may) is the way the family is reacting to Naruto... let me try to explain myself:
I DO undestand that Mikoto had to forget Naruto but I really could see her as a overprotective mother (that's your fault! ^-^) but I think that it was to easy, yes, she can see that he really likes Sas'ke, but I think that it could be like more credible if Naruto had done something to prove himself. it was diferent with Futaku... he wasn't mad at all, but she was
until now I think that the more ... realistic reaction was Sakura's even when I think it was to much to start the "fight" in front of everybody in the party, the Uchihas are known to be stoic... but yeah... I can understand that Sasuke was in shock and everything.
but what I loved! was the last "scene" not because Sasuke had an accident, but the way you described... we can notice that it was "in the present" because it wasn't in italics anymore but if that was in the anime you could get really confused wich time line it was until...... you see Sasuke's car!!! OMFG!!!
do you have like an update list???
schedule
April 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
K.roiz@yahoo.com
Hey I just wanted to let u know that I ubsolutly love your fanfic and would very much b in your mailing list. Thanks. Update soon please.
Hey I just wanted to let u know that I ubsolutly love your fanfic and would very much b in your mailing list. Thanks. Update soon please.
schedule
April 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
K.roiz@yahoo.com
Hey I just wanted to let u know that I ubsolutly love your fanfic and would very much b in your mailing list. Thanks. Update soon please.
Hey I just wanted to let u know that I ubsolutly love your fanfic and would very much b in your mailing list. Thanks. Update soon please.
schedule
April 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Admittedly, I'm only on chapter 3 but so far I like the premise of this story, and your writing is quite good ^_^ Also, you've written both Sasuke and Naruto relatively in character, which is hard to do in AUs.
That having been said, I think you jumped into things a little too quickly in your haste to further the storyline. Sasuke and Naruto get to the Uchiha manner and go straight to sleep. So when we see them at dinner, the family has interacted with the new 'couple' for about, what, an hour, and everyone can magically tell Sasuke's the happiest he's ever been? Unless the man is pulling a Tom Cruise and jumping on furniture, I think you should wait a day or two in the story for the family to realize this. Maybe they CAN tell he's happy, but that doesn't necessarily mean NARUTO is the cause, I think it would take at least more than a meal in which the 2 don't talk to each other for the family to come to that conclusion (the fact that they're only there for the weekend is problematic for this too). Then Mokoto confronts Naruto all the blond has to say is "I love him" and all is forgiven? Her mood swings in that scene are almost manic. So, I like the writing, the plot, and the characterization. I just think you executed it a little too hastily. It's like you crammed a week's worth of observations into an evening's worth of interaction.
That having been said, I think you jumped into things a little too quickly in your haste to further the storyline. Sasuke and Naruto get to the Uchiha manner and go straight to sleep. So when we see them at dinner, the family has interacted with the new 'couple' for about, what, an hour, and everyone can magically tell Sasuke's the happiest he's ever been? Unless the man is pulling a Tom Cruise and jumping on furniture, I think you should wait a day or two in the story for the family to realize this. Maybe they CAN tell he's happy, but that doesn't necessarily mean NARUTO is the cause, I think it would take at least more than a meal in which the 2 don't talk to each other for the family to come to that conclusion (the fact that they're only there for the weekend is problematic for this too). Then Mokoto confronts Naruto all the blond has to say is "I love him" and all is forgiven? Her mood swings in that scene are almost manic. So, I like the writing, the plot, and the characterization. I just think you executed it a little too hastily. It's like you crammed a week's worth of observations into an evening's worth of interaction.
schedule
April 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
great story.
schedule
April 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
add me to mailing list demona_013@hotmail.com
schedule
April 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hi! I love where your going with this story and would love to be included on your mailing list. kori.nibiki@gmail.com Looking forward to the next chapter. Until then, Ja!
schedule
April 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
pls! put me on the mailing list!!!!!
dacedarrien@live.com
dacedarrien@live.com