rate_review Reviews

Chapter 27: Het? I’ll brace myself. XD
If he’s being honest, I take it the turn-into-water trick is the reason for no wounds. . . . Yeah, it was obvious to me, too, that Itachi was keeping something private. But this is interesting, Suigetsu talking Kisame out of a fight. . . . “Not able to kill.” Sometimes I wonder. . . . Hah! Suigetsu’s throwing Karin’s reasoning back in her face. XD . . . . My God, Suigetsu’s hilarious! I’d love to see this interaction between him and Karin with Naruto watching in the background all in a manga! ^^ . . . . Wait a minute. Did Karin really take her shirt off? She didn’t protest? Okay, she’s smiling, but still. . . . And, um, how did the scene just suddenly go from WTF-crazy-moment-with-sweatdrops to tender-and-affectionate? I, uh, think you could put a little more, um, emphasis(?) on that part so it could flow a little more smoothly. . . . (*snort*) Interesting description of Karin’s breasts. Doesn’t sound appealing to me. ^^; . . . . Dude, Naruto, don’t stare, it’s impolite. (Actually, never mind, I used to watch couples make out when I was 15 too. *sweat*) . . . . This’d kinda make a nice picture, these two acting kind of shy and Naruto just watching. . . . “Tenths of a millimeter?” Is that even possible? ô_ô . . . . Exhibitionists, oy. Get another room, you two. ^^ (That’d be funny if Sasuke chose that moment to wake up quietly and just watch. XD) . . . . Jiraiya’s such a whore. XD . . . . Nice! I like it! I like how you described the scenes in Jiraiya’s books! And then I love the last paragraph! What I think is really interesting about this is we, the readers, don’t get all lost in sex scenes, and we’re able to focus on plot and the characters’ thoughts & reflections. Awesome. =)

Chapter 28: I really like the line about how exhausted Sasuke is. . . . Ahahaha! I knew he would wake up now! XDD I mean, like, “*ahem* Guys? You have an audience. >_>” XDD . . . . It’s really hard to tell with Sasuke when it comes to sexual or romantic feelings. He could be asexual, straight, gay, or bi, he just doesn’t seem to show it a lot. Or he could just be repressed from the trauma his brother laid on him and his focus on avenging the clan and all that stuff. Or he’s just clueless. Or, etc, etc. The fun thing about that is that it leaves a lot of openings for us fanfiction readers/writers. =D . . . . I wonder why Sasuke chose who seemed the most beautiful to him; I’m having a hard time picturing that part, so I’d kinda like to see how that whole scene went. Or that whole day, actually, to know what his thoughts on all that were, or why or whatever. (“Why” because I’m curious as to what made him interact with those guys then; from what I’ve seen of him, he didn’t seem to interact too much with anybody else unless it was part of training to get stronger. So how’d he get roped into looking at a magazine with a bunch of boys? =) ) . . . . Okay, I just finished reading that paragraph, and some of my questions are answered, but I’d still like to see that scene. . . . Ohhh! Clever! So that’s where Sakura got the idea that Sasuke likes long hair; she overheard him talking to the guys! I’ve always wondered about that! Thank you! ^_^ . . . . “Still he could not help being touched by [. . .] between Karin and Suigetsu [. . .]” Yeah, cuz you’ve gone through some more puberty now, Sasuke. XD And he also probably missed Naruto and Sakura during the time-skip, so now seeing intimacy and trust is an even bigger thing to him. . . . Heh. Did Naruto notice that Sasuke woke up? Guess not, otherwise he might’ve said something. ^^ . . . . Dude! Did those two forget they’ve got company?? Jeez! ô_o . . . . And Sasuke’s discovering that he’s gay, eh? Cool. I don’t see the “discovery” very often, and I love how you wrote it as kind of sneaking up on him. I mean, so far you’ve shown that he has no interest in girls, and he says he’s not gay because dignity demands it, but I wonder if he really knew that his attraction was meant for the male gender and not the female; I mean, had he really considered that men could be sexy? . . . . I SWEAR TO FREAKIN’ GOD, THIS STORY SHOULD BE MADE INTO A FREAKIN’ DOUJINSHI!! =D (Sorry about that, but this is just too good! I keep seeing this as a manga in my head!) . . . . Heh. Yeah, I figured that Orochimaru and Kabuto would be screwing each other or something. And I guess seeing that would make someone just think “Don’t even go there. Not thinking about it.” ^^ . . . . Oh, and that was an awesome metaphor about “stepping off the shore.” I haven’t heard that one before. =) . . . . Oh Gawd, Naruto did know that Sasuke was awake! XD . . . . “We’re sorry. We did not mean to . . .” Don’t they feel awkward at all?! õ_ô . . . . Well, now I know what happened to Juugo. But still, when did they find him? When Suigetsu and Karin met Naruto, there wasn’t any mention of Juugo. . . . Sooo, Juugo’s cursed state takes a toll on his body? I can understand why it would to other people, who’ve had it forcibly injected into them, but . . . oh wait, never mind. I just remembered Juugo sort of “caught the disease” as well. But NOOOO, SAVE JUUGO, I LIKE JUUGO! T_T . . . . Argh, where’s a Hyuuga when you need one? They can see those little point-things; some of those are probably stopped up and if the Hyuuga could release them, then maybe the chakra would flow better. I think. That’s my guess anyway. I commend you and your ideas. ^_^ . . . . Lol, Suigetsu’s baiting Sasuke. XD . . . . “Naruto stared at him in confusion.” Don’t blame you there, buddy; Sasuke’s changed again. (He does that a lot. ^^) . . . . “Naruto only looked hurt and did not answer.” Why’d he look hurt? Sasuke’s showing him some concern; I woulda thought Naruto’d prefer that. . . . Huh? Wait a second. I thought he wasn’t sure if Itachi was dead or not. So why’s he apologizing? They should find out sooner or later. ô_o . . . . Lol, “genjutsu thingies.” Love it how Suigetsu’s all confused about them. ^^ . . . . Ooookaaaay, what made Sasuke say that to Karin? That she looked beautiful? I like the dialogue between Sasuke and Suigetsu after that, but, um, where did that come from? (Call me picky, but I think he would’ve gone with “You look nice” rather than “You look beautiful.” He still seems to keep his feelings to himself a lot, and I thought “beautiful” seemed kind of a strong word for him. Sorry, just my thoughts on the subject. *sweat*) . . . . What, they had a bet about Sasuke being gay or not? . . . . Oh jeez, this little debate between Naruto and Sasuke is hilarious! XD . . . . They’re teasing you cuz they love you, Sasuke! ^_^ . . . . And the metaphorical boat and river returns. Love that. . . . Wow. It never ever occurred to me that Sasuke would see dealing with women easier. Well, okay, it has unconsciously turned up in stories, but never in those words. One really good thing about your writing is that you’re good at pointing out exactly what we’re thinking, even when we don’t realize it ourselves. . . . Don’t think too hard on it, Sasuke. Just act as you always have and you shouldn’t have a problem.
((Holy cow, this review was looong. o_o))

Chapter 29: I like the way Naruto’s feeling right now. Really understandable. . . . Hmm, I don’t recall any real major affection that Yamato may have shown, but I think he came off a little harsher in this chapter than he really was. . . . Love how Naruto’s expressing his “concern” about Sasuke’s team (or his dubiousness, I should say). ^^ . . . . LOLLL!! “ Even when you were twelve you acted as if you were nine.” XDD . . . . “His image of Sasuke [. . .] did not go together with homosexuality.” (Only to yaoi-lovers and fangirls and groupies. XD) . . . . I think I see why Naruto’s upset right now: He wants things to be like they were before Sasuke left; before all this concern about the Kyuubi, the insecurity, Sasuke getting a new team, Naruto leaving his own team, etc. His family is in all different directions and there’s been so many changes. . . . “Given up trying to be a ninja?” She is a ninja! Where the hell did Sasuke get the idea that she wasn’t? õ_o . . . . Um, I don’t think Suigetsu and Karin are “lovers” yet -- they haven’t done it. “Lovebirds,” maybe? And Sasuke seems to be wavering between concerned-and-learning-to-be-nice and son-of-a-bitch in this story. He was pretty nice in the previous chapter, but now he’s all mean. Meaner than usual; I notice he tends to be like that when he’s around Naruto or Sakura in this story. . . . Okay, now things are getting heated (I’m on the part when they’re discussing Itachi). I like this part; I can totally see it. . . . I like it when Sasuke admits his mistake; he reasoned it out loud, which was cool. . . . This is a really cool scene, when their tempers just come back down and . . . I dunno how to describe it; it just seemed really natural to me. Even when Sasuke leans towards Naruto here. Totally natural. But, um, the paragraph of “Finally Sasuke put his arm [. . .] unable to think.” I had to think about it for a few seconds. I think if it was just a little slower and subtler it could’ve worked better. Once again, it just seemed a little too out of the blue. And does Naruto like Sasuke the way Sasuke likes him? And does Sasuke know that he likes Naruto?

Chapter 30: Holy cow, I love the first paragraph. That is alarming. . . . Huh? “Acting in panic of panicking [. . .]” What? Sorry. . . . Does Juugo necessarily have to be awake when Sasuke looks into his eyes? Because can’t they just gently open Juugo’s eyes while he’s still unconscious? And did Karin and Suigetsu fall asleep? They were supposed to be watching Juugo. . . . Cool description of Juugo’s innerspace. Is that his homeland? . . . . Whoa, cool! Naruto just got in Juugo’s mind! =D . . . . Love it when Sasuke says, “but I certainly don’t make up the pictures.” Not his thing. ^^ . . . . I wonder has Naruto tried the deep breaths and counting to 10? Or 100? That sometimes helps cool a hot temper. . . . I like your idea of how Sasuke subdues Juugo. Excellent imagery and description. And it makes total sense that this is symbolic to overcoming your own fears and stuff! Part of development. And it’s something that can make Sasuke stronger. I kinda like to think that the seeing-into-your-mind/soul trick was something that Sasuke discovered on his own, though. ^_^ . . . . The chakra’s getting a mind of its own? Curious. . . . Ohhhh . . . crap. O.O (Naruto just ripped the seal off). . . . Sasuke seems to be taking this rather calmly. Wouldn’t ripping the seal off practically be opening the floodgates to the Kyuubi’s chakra? . . . . I wonder what Karin and Suigetsu would see if they woke up right now. And what would Karin sense with all this chakra activity? . . . . Now I’m really excited: “Without killing him?” “Without killing him.” “Get Karin!” I get the feeling that Sasuke thinks the Kyuubi’s words were bad news disguised as good news. . . . Wow. So it’s really okay? With the Kyuubi out from behind the seal and everything? (*worried*)

Chapter 23: Love the way you phrased Naruto’s feelings on Sasuke’s behavior, what he can cope with and what he can’t cope with. . . . Cool idea about chakra feeding on optimism. (Can’t remember, did you mention that earlier? Either way, I like it. ^_^) . . . . Love how Naruto’s noticing the change in pattern of Hebi’s movements. . . . (?) Who’s coming?

Chapter 24: Oh yeah, I forgot they were already being followed. Love the suspense! ^_^ . . . . “So now he had truly led them into danger.” Good line. And good trace leading up to it. . . . Oh boy, oh boy. I wonder how this meeting’s going to go. . . . Whoa. This is new. Itachi’s got some other agenda on his mind? . . . . I like your description of Itachi’s voice; that’s totally dead-on. =) I also like Sasuke’s suddenly conflicted feelings. . . . “How boring?” õ_o I dunno, seemed a little awkward. . . . “For the strong there is no [. . .] own capacity.” Harry Potter Alert. XD . . . . Uh-oh, the temptation! . . . . This’d be a cool scene, the high granite structure and thrones. . . . Interesting metaphor about “only hurting yourself.” . . . O.O “And Itachi could not.” That caught me by surprise! I wasn’t expecting that. Cool! . . . . “The fear of the fear of the pain.” In other words, “You have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Nice. . . . Whoa, cool! The way Naruto brought Sasuke out of that! Great transition! =D . . . . This is funny: “The latter of course was easier now with Naruto [. . .] time they were lost.” Those sentences remind me of his thoughts in the Land of Waves; he was thinking similar thoughts and then Naruto goofed it up with walking right in. XD . . . . Ohhh, please be careful with that, Naruto. >.< I like Sasuke’s advice, by the way. ^^ . . . . Alright! Combined powers break the spell! =D . . . Ohhhh damn. Love all the “he did not expect” lines. Great ending! It’s keeping me on my toes! =D

Chapter 25: So Naruto got hit with the Mangekyou? . . . . Love Naruto’s insecurity here. . . . And, like the earlier chapter, we’ve got some similarities to the Land of Waves arc. ^_^ . . . . This is cool, how this time Naruto’s keeping the Kyuubi in check. . . . Ohhh, I think I see now. Sasuke got hit with the Mangekyou. How the hell did all this happen?! There’s some chunk of information missing from between the last chapter and this chapter! (Intentional, I’m sure. ^^) . . . . Oh, it’s Suigetsu and Karin! For a moment there, I thought it was the other two Akatsuki members (of course, it could be them using Henge). . . . Yay, he’s alive! (I had a feeling he was, but still. ^^) . . . . (*snicker*) Suigetsu’s insult to Karin. XD Hey, where’s Juugo? >> / << . . . . All the girls are damn medical ninja! Please, Kishimoto, wherever you are, please let us see some more major male medic nins and more major female warriors! >.< . . . . Love this scene. It kinda teases a little, but it’s interesting as well. I like picturing this in my mind as a live-action crime-drama or something. . . . I like Suigetsu’s lines to Naruto starting with, “Must have been one of their genjutsu things.” Love the way he talks. ^^ . . . . Oh, that was cool! “[. . .] holding him and keeping him warm were the best things you could have done. You probably saved his life.” Awesome! =D . . . . I understand Naruto’s more depressed feelings here. . . . “A job for men.” Arrgh, so sexist! D: (I’m just kidding, by the way. ^^)

Chapter 20: Don’t have much to say, except that it was done very well. I love the part when Sasuke says “Yes” to Suigetsu’s sort-of-sarcastic suggestion. ^^ . . . . The Konoha team is smart to stay together like that. Safety in numbers. I wonder if they’ll still be sleeping in separate rooms after Naruto took off. . . . Guess not. Oh, well, maybe. . . . That’s a funny way to describe Karin. I doubt she would harm/molest Juugo, though. And why all the other guys? So she doesn’t harm/molest them either? And I really hate to say it, but it was a sudden switch of characterization of her from what you had so far. I mean, I guess since we’ve seen her “nicer” side in this story, I wasn’t expecting the more, um, “crazy” (for MUCH want of a better word, heheh) side. . . . I also like the lines about “doing anything foolish.” ^^ . . . . Sasuke’s younger than all of them? Makes sense. I never really thought of the ages of characters. I’ll have to think about them now that they’ve been pointed out to me. . . . “That must be the young people?” (*confused*) . . . . He’s blushing? O.O . . . . Hah. Love how Suigetsu continues that line. Face it, Sasuke: you’re CAUGHT. ^^ . . . . That’s cute, “You could only be in love with one at a time, couldn’t you?” Not necessarily, Sasuke. And there is such a thing as lust. . . . Love how Suigetsu’s expression affects Sasuke. . . . “Idiots at least have some intelligence.” Interesting. Someone could spend a long time pondering that. . . . “Sasuke actually had to think a bit [. . .]” What’s to think about? She has natural pink hair! That alone is enough to recognize her! Ah -- Karin just repeated me. XD . . . . Um, I think “violet” is too dark. They should be “white,” but for the sake of distinguishing, I think you want “lavender.” ^^ . . . . Oh boy! Sasuke’s gonna be in for a surprise! XDD But I can’t remember if she actually told the boys to protect each other or her; I thought it was just her body language. Boy, he sure doesn’t like her much, does he? . . . Nice work, Karin. =) I hope Sakura’s on guard; it would look bad if she walked in without being suspicious of Karin. . . . Love her reaction when she saw Sasuke; made total sense. And why’s Sasuke sitting on a table? ô_o . . . . Erm, “guest” doesn’t seem like quite the right term. Not sure what else could be used, though. . . . O.O AHAHAHAHA, sorry, but: “idly playing with his sword, which he was holding between his legs.” XDDDD Sorry, but MAJOR innuendo there! Was that on purpose?! XDDD . . . . Probably very true about the way Karin fights, although she did kick Suigetsu in the face once. >D . . . . (*snort*) Smooth, Suigetsu. . . . Boy, that was harsh of Sasuke to say that! õ_o . . . . Sasuke’s not giving off a very strong impression that he’s in charge. He’s probably aware of that. . . . Sasuke admits he cares for Naruto? . . . . It seems kinda weird, having Suigetsu do the talking. I thought he lacked tact in the manga. . . . “Impolite.” After calling her “an annoying bitch.” Right. . . . Umm, I dunno, Sakura came off as a little too weak in this chapter. I guess since it was mostly from Sasuke’s point of view, that would make sense. And how would not embracing her be more awkward? ô_o

Hey . . . I thought you said the chapters would get shorter? (*amused*) ;D

Chapter 21: Poor Naruto. I can understand his pain. . . . Oh boy, I’m curious about what it could be in this story! =D . . . . Ohhh, into his body. Cool! . . . . I thought Naruto wasn’t even a day old. I think the manga said something about his umbilical cord just having been cut; I always assumed that he was, at the very most, only hours old. . . . Love it when Naruto backpedals and catches that about the Yondaime. ^^ I also love it how he’s not totally surprised, but he has iffy feelings right now. . . . I wouldn’t call it “soulless” sex. . . . Huh. They weren’t married. That’s interesting. Makes sense, too. . . . I wonder how she died. Broken heart, maybe? That’d be a shame, not even living for her son. . . . Love the feeling of irony during Naruto’s conversation with the Kyuubi. . . . Also love the line, “Each of us can only be free at the price of the other’s destruction.” This whole story seems like a metaphor (wrongish word) of the balance of life/existence itself. It’s cool. =D . . . Pssh. Some deal. There’s always the possibility that Sasuke will just shoot him down. I wonder if they should’ve gone into details on the deal. This way, Naruto can’t use the key at all if he wants to honor the deal. On the other hand, if they discussed it, the Kyuubi might not’ve lent his sense of smell at all. But I guess that last line makes it interesting. He doesn’t know that that could change.

I have no clue what “Wild Car Hebi” is. On the other hand, they probably meant Wild CarD Hebi, which kinda makes more sense. ^_~

Chapter 22: Ah, and now we turn to Suigetsu. Take it away, waterboy! ^_^
Heh, this should be interesting. If Sasuke gets close enough to see him, then there’s no way he can hide from Naruto. ^^ (Unless he’s scrying or something.) . . . . “Fairly well.” I guess one could put it that way. (Let’s see if he gets the boot in the face this time. >:D) . . . . They changed clothes? *_* I wanna see that! =D . . . . Sasuke’s taking things for granted again. . . . That bit about “Even when he is really acting heroically [. . .]” Does Sasuke think that because Naruto said something like, “A person who can’t save their friends has no chance of becoming Hokage?” . . . . Whoa, this was awesome: “Well, most people want to be loved.” “I don’t.” Very short, but it explains a lot. Everyone wants to be loved, but he probably associates love with pain. And while he says that “pain makes you stronger,” he doesn’t want to suffer because of love. Interesting little paradox there. . . . Huh. That’s interesting. I never noticed that that was really the only time Naruto said that out loud to Sasuke. That’ll have me musing all night again. ^^ . . . . And finally Suigetsu starts to talk. . . . Holy . . . shit. (Sorry.) That’s quite some story. o_o . . . . Er, I thought the last bit about Sasuke embracing Suigetsu was kinda . . . off. I dunno, maybe he could’ve communicated understanding and value a different way. . . ? ô_o

At first, I liked the idea of Team Hebi as “the wild card,” but I did not understand it very much until I looked it up on the Internet. Now it makes a lot more sense to me. ^_^
((And I also see that my own clarification was completely unnecessary now. Beg pardon. ^_^;))