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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
nice looking forward to the next chapter, also u should throw in Ino and Kurenei though i do hope this story continues after the whole forest of death thing
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Naruto can't be serious about not banging Tenten and Temari again. Besides, I doubt the two of them are about to let that happen. Nice work overall. Update soon!
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
chapter 2
That was pretty good there, showing how they were after it. It was kind of weird how Hinata left the building and Naruto was already there given how long it takes to get there but for the sake of the story I'll let it slid. Although now you got a problem with Naruto, since you stated that he won't have sex with Temari and Tenten since he's with Hinata so having sex with another person is going to be very problematic for the plot.
Given that if he cheats on her he'll feel like crap after it.
Also I hope there is a part where he finally gets Sakura, maybe during the fights she notices all the girls looking at him and stuff. Hell that could lead to a threesome with her and Ino and Naruto in a way if you can get the Ino/Sakura rivarly going, you know those two will not let the other be outdone so that could be very fun later on.
Plus at least Naruto has a few things going for him, first his abnormal stamina and another major point to make sure he can pleasure all the ladies, shadow clones. Hell I know Tenten would love having two clones already to take her in the ass and pussy at the same time. Might be her favorite position even.
That was pretty good there, showing how they were after it. It was kind of weird how Hinata left the building and Naruto was already there given how long it takes to get there but for the sake of the story I'll let it slid. Although now you got a problem with Naruto, since you stated that he won't have sex with Temari and Tenten since he's with Hinata so having sex with another person is going to be very problematic for the plot.
Given that if he cheats on her he'll feel like crap after it.
Also I hope there is a part where he finally gets Sakura, maybe during the fights she notices all the girls looking at him and stuff. Hell that could lead to a threesome with her and Ino and Naruto in a way if you can get the Ino/Sakura rivarly going, you know those two will not let the other be outdone so that could be very fun later on.
Plus at least Naruto has a few things going for him, first his abnormal stamina and another major point to make sure he can pleasure all the ladies, shadow clones. Hell I know Tenten would love having two clones already to take her in the ass and pussy at the same time. Might be her favorite position even.
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Interesting. My only critique is that you left out a few words. Proofread and it'll be perfect! Update soon!
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
you have to let me kno when you you update so i can read more keep going
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter! Can't wait for Ino's turn
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Good story, and this chapter paves the way for a future Naru/hina sequel. I vote for Ino to show up.
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Please have Ino in the next chapters!
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January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love your second chapter dude, it was... (dang for once I'm lost for words)so the next one is Anko huh? Cool, snake bondage with a red chakra pumped up Naruto maybe? Heck I would love to see Hinata, Naruto and Anko involved in a scene together. Anyway keep up the great work of our favorite kyuubi brat and the beautiful konuchi of Konoha!
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January 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's an excellent story, really, and I can't wait to see the future chapters of it. If it's a case of pitching's, I guess I gotta cast my vote for my fav kunoichi, Anko, but that's just me.