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January 23, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Omg luv it plzzzzzzz continue.
schedule
October 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I really really liked this beginning!!!!!! It's so sad that you don't seem to continue this wonderful monster plot bunny!!!!! But I loved this non the less!!!! Thank you two!!!!
schedule
January 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
(I review as I read.)
I really liked both ANs in the beginning.
Prologue: Whoa, awesome beginning! I especially like the second paragraph. I’ve had some ideas in my mind of that sort of thing happening, but I couldn’t word it precisely like you did. . . . I get the feeling I’m going to have to reread a lot of this if I want to keep reading this story. That’s okay, though; complex stories are cool. . . . Some of this reminds me of the manga CERES: Celestial Legend (or Ayashi no Ceres), which is one of my favorites: the whole thing about the fear of what gifted you and all that. . . . The drama is nicely constructed. . . . “A large fox.” There’s the understatement of a lifetime. ^_^ Or am I wrong? (*sweat*) . . . Alright, Kyuubi’s a female. Nice. . . . Dialogue’s good. . . . Alright, a blood oath. Those are always fun. (“Troublesome,” mutters Shikamaru.) This should be pretty interesting when the whole Sealing thing turns up. . . . The dilemma’s interesting. . . . Interesting personality for the Kyuubi. I’m not sure if I like it, but I’m not complaining. . . . Humanoid form, cool. I wonder if she’s wearing anything. . . . I saw that! “Eight drops” and “almost nine!” You’re gonna do something there, aren’tcha? ^^ . . . Minato’s got guts. I could never do that. . . . Can I make a suggestion? Somewhere around the line “Scout as you wish, I shall follow,” the scene immediately changes to where the Hokage is. I think maybe you should put a little break either before OR after the paragraph starting with “The vow itself.” Gives the readers’ minds a little pause to switch gears. Just my opinion, it’s no big thing. . . . And the Council comes in, messing things up as usual. ^^ . . . I like Fugaku’s thought process. Still, I can’t help thinking ‘What the hell is that merchant doing on the council? He seems an idiot.’ ^^ . . . Whoops. Little confused on the paragraph starting with “Yoshi pushed his glasses up his narrow nose.” . . . Yeah, I would look the other way too. Like I said, who invited that doofus onto the council? ^^ . . . How many are on the council anyway? . . . Ooh, double-S. Heavy-duty stuff we’re talkin’ here. I’m sure those merchants are gonna screw something up, though. . . . Okay, maybe not him, but someone definitely. . . . I suggest another break before “Once the meeting was over.” . . . And maybe another one before “The Kyuubi accepted the missive.” (Sorry about all these. *sweat*) . . . Alright, I’m gonna stop pinpointing “break-points,” but I still think there needs to be some. . . . He’s got little foxy ears, does he? . . . Whoa, that’s some paragraph, the one starting with “As she smiled and answered in an affirmative manner.” Yikes. . . . Oh! This just occurred to me! Don’t tell me if I’m right or wrong, but is this enemy Denzou?! O.O . . . O-kay, the Kyuubi seems to have mellowed a lot as compared to when we first met her. I would’ve thought she’d be raging about her child being stolen.
So far, I’m intrigued. Depending on the pairings, I might not stay (not a threat, it’s my personal problem), but so far the story’s really well-written. My only suggestions so far are putting a few breaks in between scene changes and maybe expanding a little more on Kyuubi’s feelings about losing her child and how she fared that month before Gaara turned up. I’ll be keeping an eye on this story! ^_~
I really liked both ANs in the beginning.
Prologue: Whoa, awesome beginning! I especially like the second paragraph. I’ve had some ideas in my mind of that sort of thing happening, but I couldn’t word it precisely like you did. . . . I get the feeling I’m going to have to reread a lot of this if I want to keep reading this story. That’s okay, though; complex stories are cool. . . . Some of this reminds me of the manga CERES: Celestial Legend (or Ayashi no Ceres), which is one of my favorites: the whole thing about the fear of what gifted you and all that. . . . The drama is nicely constructed. . . . “A large fox.” There’s the understatement of a lifetime. ^_^ Or am I wrong? (*sweat*) . . . Alright, Kyuubi’s a female. Nice. . . . Dialogue’s good. . . . Alright, a blood oath. Those are always fun. (“Troublesome,” mutters Shikamaru.) This should be pretty interesting when the whole Sealing thing turns up. . . . The dilemma’s interesting. . . . Interesting personality for the Kyuubi. I’m not sure if I like it, but I’m not complaining. . . . Humanoid form, cool. I wonder if she’s wearing anything. . . . I saw that! “Eight drops” and “almost nine!” You’re gonna do something there, aren’tcha? ^^ . . . Minato’s got guts. I could never do that. . . . Can I make a suggestion? Somewhere around the line “Scout as you wish, I shall follow,” the scene immediately changes to where the Hokage is. I think maybe you should put a little break either before OR after the paragraph starting with “The vow itself.” Gives the readers’ minds a little pause to switch gears. Just my opinion, it’s no big thing. . . . And the Council comes in, messing things up as usual. ^^ . . . I like Fugaku’s thought process. Still, I can’t help thinking ‘What the hell is that merchant doing on the council? He seems an idiot.’ ^^ . . . Whoops. Little confused on the paragraph starting with “Yoshi pushed his glasses up his narrow nose.” . . . Yeah, I would look the other way too. Like I said, who invited that doofus onto the council? ^^ . . . How many are on the council anyway? . . . Ooh, double-S. Heavy-duty stuff we’re talkin’ here. I’m sure those merchants are gonna screw something up, though. . . . Okay, maybe not him, but someone definitely. . . . I suggest another break before “Once the meeting was over.” . . . And maybe another one before “The Kyuubi accepted the missive.” (Sorry about all these. *sweat*) . . . Alright, I’m gonna stop pinpointing “break-points,” but I still think there needs to be some. . . . He’s got little foxy ears, does he? . . . Whoa, that’s some paragraph, the one starting with “As she smiled and answered in an affirmative manner.” Yikes. . . . Oh! This just occurred to me! Don’t tell me if I’m right or wrong, but is this enemy Denzou?! O.O . . . O-kay, the Kyuubi seems to have mellowed a lot as compared to when we first met her. I would’ve thought she’d be raging about her child being stolen.
So far, I’m intrigued. Depending on the pairings, I might not stay (not a threat, it’s my personal problem), but so far the story’s really well-written. My only suggestions so far are putting a few breaks in between scene changes and maybe expanding a little more on Kyuubi’s feelings about losing her child and how she fared that month before Gaara turned up. I’ll be keeping an eye on this story! ^_~
schedule
January 27, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I really liked the first chapter. It's kinda sad that Naruto was taken, but Gaara will have a happy home and he won't be soo anti-social.
ja ne till next time and keep up the good work
ja ne till next time and keep up the good work
schedule
January 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
you two ROCK!!!!!! but then i would expect no less from you two. This is a cute fic on how minato met kyuubi. fics with kyuu as a benevolent being are the best, i think. and you guys did great with descriptions and details.
carry on!
carry on!
schedule
January 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
A very interesting take on this story. It has definately peaked my interest. Thanks for sharing.
Halskr
Halskr
schedule
January 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Very interesting start so far!..^^.. I'm curious to see where this goes..
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January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Awesome first chapter or Prolog. I can't wait to read more. This sound so interesting.
=)
=)
schedule
January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow, lovely beginning. eagerly looking foward to the next update!
schedule
January 25, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Definately an interesting and different beginning. I wonder who could have taken Naruto?? And as for Gaara being a half tanuki equivalent of our favorite blond... it makes me wonder what sort of changes he will go though now that he is being raised outside of Suna. So many questions and things to look forward to; I can't wait!
This is an excellent collaboration. Keep up the good work! ^^
This is an excellent collaboration. Keep up the good work! ^^