rate_review Reviews

can't wait to read the next chapter!!!

Wow. This sounds very promising! I look forward to your next update!!

this was a really nice first chapter. i would never have guessed that you would have made his dream to be a football player. the possibility to be the president of the united states or some big company maybe even a movie star but football was no where in the list. was naruto's mother killed in childbirth or did he when he was a litle older. since both man seem to be unatached will you hook up sasuke's father with naruto's dad that would be so hot (naruto uke puppy eyes attack). will itachi be with someone and if there are any suggestions i put the table pein. i can't wait to see where your story goes.

I think the story has promise but it's hard as heck to read. You need to space out who is talking into different paragraphs and add speaking tags if it's not obviousl who's talking. ONce that's done, I think your star rating will go up tremendously. I didn't finish the chapter though because I didn't have the patience to sort through everything. It would also make the chapter longer and flow better.
Slave

The story looks promising, but Ditto Word_Slave. I have no patience to try and figure out who is talking.

It seems like a rather interesting story, but I can't read it.

You need to space it out more, note when someone is speaking and if it is not obvious, who is speaking.

More paragraphs, etcetcetc.

Do all that then I'll tell you what I think. :)

interesting, update soon!!