schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Great chapter. I like how you have set up the pets. I can really picture them in my mind. Nicely done.
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Awesome chapter. I can't wait to see what happens now that Neji is interested in Naruto.
=)
=)
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Very good chapter, I was so happy to see an update!!! I can't wait to read more!!!
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Wow, good chapter!!! I was so happy when you updated!!!
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
So cute! And a little raunchy...:P Definitely loving the animal idea. The story is developing nicely! Can't wait for the next chapter :)
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Okay, I admit, the whole vagina thing has me a little creeped out, but I'm trying to overlook it, lol. It also makes me a little sad that Naruto is obviously, obviously the uke - I kind of like them switching it up, but I will get over it.
As for characterization, Neji is an ass. Lol. That whole mewling like a whore comment seemed ooc for him, too, since he doesn't seem crass like that. I can see him definitely wanting to get one over Sasuke and letting Naruto become a thing as opposed to a person in order to accomplish that, but crude sex statements seem a little weird to me.
As for Naruto, obviously, he is very young, but he seems a bit too childish. The difference in his attitude versus Sasuke's or Neji's makes this almost seem like shota. I really liked it when he was getting all pissed off at Neji because it made him seem older. I know he and Sasuke are supposed to be young, but I think if Naruto was a little more mature, it would be better.
Finally, as for Sasuke, he seems almost too cold. He's warming up a bit now that he's interested in Naruto, but he seems mean. I know he's an SOB in the manga, too, but he has those moments of warmth that come out of nowhere.
Anyway, overall, it's very good and interesting, but those are my thoughts. I don't know if you'll agree with any of them, but I hope that helps.
As for characterization, Neji is an ass. Lol. That whole mewling like a whore comment seemed ooc for him, too, since he doesn't seem crass like that. I can see him definitely wanting to get one over Sasuke and letting Naruto become a thing as opposed to a person in order to accomplish that, but crude sex statements seem a little weird to me.
As for Naruto, obviously, he is very young, but he seems a bit too childish. The difference in his attitude versus Sasuke's or Neji's makes this almost seem like shota. I really liked it when he was getting all pissed off at Neji because it made him seem older. I know he and Sasuke are supposed to be young, but I think if Naruto was a little more mature, it would be better.
Finally, as for Sasuke, he seems almost too cold. He's warming up a bit now that he's interested in Naruto, but he seems mean. I know he's an SOB in the manga, too, but he has those moments of warmth that come out of nowhere.
Anyway, overall, it's very good and interesting, but those are my thoughts. I don't know if you'll agree with any of them, but I hope that helps.
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
nicely written and your characters are coming along nicely, if a bit stiff in some places. but WAY WAY better than me!!!
any ways have fun!
love the story!
any ways have fun!
love the story!
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OK...I am absolutely, positively...INSANELY late on reviewing. The biggest evidence of it is in the fact that this is chapter FOUR and not chapter THREE which was what I should have commented ON...
So, I'll just do an overall comment on all four chapters and pray for the best! XD I vaguely remember earlier that you had mentioned something about not seeing Kakashi/Iruka as a pairing, but I always have and always will so if you pull through on that pairing, I will love you forever. <3
Now, I feel awful for Naruto in the so many ways that he is "wronged" in this story...Sasuke not being a good "mentor like figure" and ignoring him all the time, then his being mauled by Sasuke...and not to mention being found to be a hermaphrodite and worst of all to be tongue raped by Neji...you gotta feel bad for the boy!
HOWEVER, I am supporting Sasuke 100%!! XD What did it in for me was when he was feeling mighty smug when he realized that Naruto didn't like anyone else touching him but Sasuke! Oh, but that made me so happy, I can't even find the words to express it. And then when he hissed and "snapped out of it"...though it was rather humorous, it made me feel sad. Because that means that he'll be in denial here and there or he just hasn't realized how important Naruto is to him yet...and that means lots of suspense and angst.
And then there's Neji...I have nothing against Neji...but, I want NOTHING MORE than for Sasuke to just THRASH him...just once...for being near his Naruto and mentally raping him like that. And if he doesn't beat the crap out of that Siamese...then at least show his claim over Naruto! Rub it in Neji's face that Naruto doesn't want him that way.
Um, what else? Oh yeah, characterizations...yes, I think you've got EVERYONE down pretty well! :D Sasuke's in denial/unrealization...Neji needs to get his head outta his ass...Naruto's in the middle of chaos and it's not his fault...yep...I think it's about right. XD
So, I'll just do an overall comment on all four chapters and pray for the best! XD I vaguely remember earlier that you had mentioned something about not seeing Kakashi/Iruka as a pairing, but I always have and always will so if you pull through on that pairing, I will love you forever. <3
Now, I feel awful for Naruto in the so many ways that he is "wronged" in this story...Sasuke not being a good "mentor like figure" and ignoring him all the time, then his being mauled by Sasuke...and not to mention being found to be a hermaphrodite and worst of all to be tongue raped by Neji...you gotta feel bad for the boy!
HOWEVER, I am supporting Sasuke 100%!! XD What did it in for me was when he was feeling mighty smug when he realized that Naruto didn't like anyone else touching him but Sasuke! Oh, but that made me so happy, I can't even find the words to express it. And then when he hissed and "snapped out of it"...though it was rather humorous, it made me feel sad. Because that means that he'll be in denial here and there or he just hasn't realized how important Naruto is to him yet...and that means lots of suspense and angst.
And then there's Neji...I have nothing against Neji...but, I want NOTHING MORE than for Sasuke to just THRASH him...just once...for being near his Naruto and mentally raping him like that. And if he doesn't beat the crap out of that Siamese...then at least show his claim over Naruto! Rub it in Neji's face that Naruto doesn't want him that way.
Um, what else? Oh yeah, characterizations...yes, I think you've got EVERYONE down pretty well! :D Sasuke's in denial/unrealization...Neji needs to get his head outta his ass...Naruto's in the middle of chaos and it's not his fault...yep...I think it's about right. XD
schedule
May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
GAH! aff.net ATE the rest of my review!! ><
schedule
May 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
omg kawaii more need another chapter im hooked