rate_review Reviews

wow talk about random hornyness,nice

I really don't mean this disrespectfully, but after I read this I double checked to see if this was a satyr. If this was serious, I apologize sincerely, and if it was meant as satyr, it was pretty funny. Cute basis, but label this a crack! or take the other reviewer's awesome advice.

I liked the summary...
Sorry, but is this supposed to be crack/parody? 'veela'..? 'Cause if it was a serious attempt to write a sasunaru fic...please put in less 'details' that don't matter to the plot.

Nice, please update soon. To note, your plot is very unique and nice, but work on your writing skill more :3

This was a very unique story. It was neat that you used Hera in this story, but if you are going to continue to add the greek gods then you might want to post this in the 'crossovers' section instead. Very cute story, I had to giggle when you used the word 'Anus'. Of all the stories I read I don't think I read one that described that part of the body as 'Anus' before. I just thought that was funny. The lemon was quite good, but I found the very end of the chapter a little rushed. Maybe you should try and expanded it a little. There was just a lot of info in a very few amount of sentences. Other than that it was a great story. I hope to read more.
=)

I really don't want to be mean, but you can only get away with that kind of blatant disregard for logic and character continuity if the whole thing is meant to be pure comedy. Reading just the first line or two made me think that's what this was... but then amazingly, it seemed like you were actually attempting to be serious. Honestly, pretty much none of it made any sense. There's a limit to artistic license. You really can't do 'anything' you want and have it work. Maybe if you took the time to support the things you wanted to have happen, you could build a foundation that leads up to events or lends credibility to the reactions of the characters. As it is, everything seemed totally random. You kinda just blurted it out there.

The veela thing... well it definitely would have helped if you'd slowly introduced the idea of veela existing in the Naruto-verse before just slapping us in the face with 'Sasuke's a veela'. That was much, MUCH too out-of-the-blue. I'm not certain that it'd work anyway. (by which I mean that even if it was phenomenally written, the idea alone would still have a lot of readers scoffing) The best way around that could have been to use a different creature name. The affiliation to Harry Potter actually works against you here.

Also, as far as anybody knows, Sasuke can't read minds. So once again, the concept needs to be introduced before just tossing it in. Basically, the whole thing comes off as you manipulating people, events and the entire universe at large, with absolutely no regard for precedence, logic or realism, just to quickly get the characters into each others pants... and it's NOT A COMEDY!!? Overall this can be summed up in one word; Juvenile. (How old are you? I just can't help wondering.)

PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I like to see what happen next. I like the story.

Okay, so the characters are horribly out of character. I doubt 12/13 year olds want to have fullblown sex after the first kiss, especially when at that time they're unsure of their sexuality. Your blatant character-bashing is not original or impressing. You overused the word snarled. Your vocabulary seems forced and you're trying too hard to write at a top level. None of the events would happen realistically. Kakashi and Iruka would not just idly watch as that happened. Naruto would not randomly admit about Kyuubi with thoughts of love coursing through his mind.
You just threw the Veela and Hera thing in for plot devices, even though they don't mesh with the Naruto world.
I personally doubt you're above 18, the age to be on this forum.
I may be coming off as harsh but I did not struggle to come up with this criticism.