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May 26, 2008 at 12:00 AM
*wail of despair* I can't believe you stopped right there! You sadist!
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May 24, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Please I'm begging you. Don't let her be w/ Sasuke.
She still need to pay for her crimes.
She should not have a happy ending.
She still need to pay for her crimes.
She should not have a happy ending.
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May 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I love this.
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May 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ahhhh! DO you know how long I've been waiting for some to write a fic that had twins born from both Uchiha's?! This is like a dream come true! I love the plot line of this story. Sakura's a witch but it is nice that she seems to regret what she's done. Maybe Naruto can find it in his heart to forgive her or at least prevent Sasuke from killing her. I can't wait to read more.
=)
=)
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May 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Not related to the story, but I did want to comment. There is a difference between a flame and criticism, whether you want that criticism or not. I only comment because nobody seems to know what a real flame is anymore. A flame is not just anything negative or anything that you don't want to hear. A flame is something that has no real connection to the story and are just mindless insults with no point, or no real criticism involved. Just done for the sole purpose of putting the author down.
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May 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I started reading this story with high hopes. Itachi/Naruto is never easy to write, but it can be done, and I had been hoping you’d show me a decent time. It pains me to say that honestly, all this fic managed to do was make me laugh at the sheer OOC-ness.
Your writing in itself is respectable. You have a few tense problems and some punctuation that’s a bit off here and there, but over all, it’s easy and enjoyable to read. The real problem I have with your fic is the complete ridiculousness of the plot.
You didn’t list it as a crack!fic so I’ll have to assume that you wrote this with the intention of providing serious reading material. But after nearly snorting and giving my nose an enema with orange soda after reading the first chapter, I can say with confidence that that is not how it came across AT ALL.
The beginning was understandable. Sasuke cheated on Naruto for whatever reason and Naruto was fed up. Following you so far. Naruto goes to the training grounds to nurse his broken heart and shed a few tears. Yep, makes sense. Itachi comes out of nowhere and they start having sex. Yeah, yeah, I get it--- wait, WHAT?! Let me say that again just so I can get my incredulity at this across. WHAT?!
I love how you tried to add some realistic interaction by having Naruto scream once and go, “No, you’re not going to get Kyuubi!” before sitting down and letting Itachi 1) have a lengthy discussion with him concerning his and Sasuke’s love life and 2) screw him into the ground. Maybe I’m just confused, but… are we talking about the same Itachi here? S-Class missing nin Itachi? Yeah-so-I’m-a-mass-murderer Itachi? If so, why is Naruto bending over and taking it, again?
That was a rhetorical question, by the way. I know you probably have some sort of explanation for this, but the point of my little rant was that the author shouldn’t have to answer the reader’s complaints and questions. The story should do that for you. And this one… didn’t. Really, really didn’t.
I hope you don’t take *too* much offense, because in all honesty, I AM just trying to help you out in your future endeavors. I know I poked (more than a bit of) fun at you and the story, but it’s all in good humor. I wouldn’t write this long and detailed of a review if I didn’t think you could improve and write something better – and I do. I really do think you’re capable of something much better than this.
So keep writing and much love,
Ella
Your writing in itself is respectable. You have a few tense problems and some punctuation that’s a bit off here and there, but over all, it’s easy and enjoyable to read. The real problem I have with your fic is the complete ridiculousness of the plot.
You didn’t list it as a crack!fic so I’ll have to assume that you wrote this with the intention of providing serious reading material. But after nearly snorting and giving my nose an enema with orange soda after reading the first chapter, I can say with confidence that that is not how it came across AT ALL.
The beginning was understandable. Sasuke cheated on Naruto for whatever reason and Naruto was fed up. Following you so far. Naruto goes to the training grounds to nurse his broken heart and shed a few tears. Yep, makes sense. Itachi comes out of nowhere and they start having sex. Yeah, yeah, I get it--- wait, WHAT?! Let me say that again just so I can get my incredulity at this across. WHAT?!
I love how you tried to add some realistic interaction by having Naruto scream once and go, “No, you’re not going to get Kyuubi!” before sitting down and letting Itachi 1) have a lengthy discussion with him concerning his and Sasuke’s love life and 2) screw him into the ground. Maybe I’m just confused, but… are we talking about the same Itachi here? S-Class missing nin Itachi? Yeah-so-I’m-a-mass-murderer Itachi? If so, why is Naruto bending over and taking it, again?
That was a rhetorical question, by the way. I know you probably have some sort of explanation for this, but the point of my little rant was that the author shouldn’t have to answer the reader’s complaints and questions. The story should do that for you. And this one… didn’t. Really, really didn’t.
I hope you don’t take *too* much offense, because in all honesty, I AM just trying to help you out in your future endeavors. I know I poked (more than a bit of) fun at you and the story, but it’s all in good humor. I wouldn’t write this long and detailed of a review if I didn’t think you could improve and write something better – and I do. I really do think you’re capable of something much better than this.
So keep writing and much love,
Ella
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May 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
so.. naruto has a twin. one for sasuke and one for itachi. what the heck haha. come on, how will itachi and sasuke deal with that knowing that they both dont like "sharing". as i remember, itachi told naruto about the uchiha possessiveness. gosh naruto, what shall you do now? haha. sasuke is the father and partner of two mothers. nyee.. its so.. complicated. and itachi is a missing nin.. how.. how.. i mean how the hell he could stay with naruto. and sasuke.. i think you should just go on with your life without bothering the most awesome pairing of all time.. haha oh i know, what about he'll just take his baby from naruto saying he cant stand his brother being near his child? and since naruto dont want him anymore, he'll leave him to his happiness and just take care of the only remembrance he has of naruto. Ü
hey sakura! you haven't commited suicide?! go on! i know you can do that! cant you see im cheering for you?? we all do! please dont let us down.. T_T come on dude please! its for the sake of humanity! cant you do something selfless for a cause? ^_^ really?? its a yes?? good.
hey sakura! you haven't commited suicide?! go on! i know you can do that! cant you see im cheering for you?? we all do! please dont let us down.. T_T come on dude please! its for the sake of humanity! cant you do something selfless for a cause? ^_^ really?? its a yes?? good.
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May 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
btw, dont mind the 'opposition' telling craps. its your idea, its your fic. so if they dont like what youre doing, they can quit reading. youve got lots of fans, you dont need them.
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May 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
My my! I knew he was having twins! And That one would be from Itachi and one would be Sasuke's!
Or else the DNA wouldn't be that similar!:D
Myehaha, The drama - and it suets you right Saukra. To plot a evil plan against your friend is just wrong on so many levels. It was all selfish of her... and now she wants forgives...bah, the nerve.
Nice chapter! Loving the drama!:D
Hope to see more soon
//Gina
Or else the DNA wouldn't be that similar!:D
Myehaha, The drama - and it suets you right Saukra. To plot a evil plan against your friend is just wrong on so many levels. It was all selfish of her... and now she wants forgives...bah, the nerve.
Nice chapter! Loving the drama!:D
Hope to see more soon
//Gina
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May 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Aww, no sex for Naruto?? The Uchihas could always share him...rebuild their clan together as one big happy family... haha. Well, I enjoyed the update, and good for Itachi not standing for Naruto stepping out on him. When will Sasuke find out "the other man" is his hated enemy? Dun dun DUN! I look forward to another update.
Oh! Also, since you got so cheesed you addressed it in this story, I'll have you know my comments on your other story were hardly a flame. Flames are just nasty name-calling and idiocy; your other story was really out of character and I called it like I saw it. Of course you can "basically make Sasuke dance in a pink frilly tutu" but don't think you're getting away with it. Most people, myself included, will just ignore a fic like that when they come across it. I chose to not ignore it because I was rubbed the wrong way with how humiliated, weak, and fatalistic Sasuke was in that other fic. I'm not dense; I picked up on the whole "maybe now that Naruto and Sasuke have met up, their future will be a little brighter!" vibe, but you clearly and repeatedly made the point that Sasuke was so weak compared to Itachi he could never escape, and even if he did, the rest of the world was dominated by equally crazy and powerful Akatsuki members, so basically Sasuke was figuratively and literally screwed for life. By his sadistic rapist brother. And Sasuke's pride would allow Itachi the pleasure of controlling him forever. Riiiiight. If that's what you think, that Sasuke would live like that rather than die with his pride intact, then okay, I guess we will just disagree. I just think it was an unnecessarily cruel and degrading fanfiction. At least if Sasuke "secretly" enjoyed being Itachi's pet or something then it could have been an enjoyable Uchiacest fic. As it was, it just seemed like distasteful rape. Hey, but as far as I know, maybe that's what you were going for! *shrugs* If it makes you feel any better, I like *this* story.
~Kang
Oh! Also, since you got so cheesed you addressed it in this story, I'll have you know my comments on your other story were hardly a flame. Flames are just nasty name-calling and idiocy; your other story was really out of character and I called it like I saw it. Of course you can "basically make Sasuke dance in a pink frilly tutu" but don't think you're getting away with it. Most people, myself included, will just ignore a fic like that when they come across it. I chose to not ignore it because I was rubbed the wrong way with how humiliated, weak, and fatalistic Sasuke was in that other fic. I'm not dense; I picked up on the whole "maybe now that Naruto and Sasuke have met up, their future will be a little brighter!" vibe, but you clearly and repeatedly made the point that Sasuke was so weak compared to Itachi he could never escape, and even if he did, the rest of the world was dominated by equally crazy and powerful Akatsuki members, so basically Sasuke was figuratively and literally screwed for life. By his sadistic rapist brother. And Sasuke's pride would allow Itachi the pleasure of controlling him forever. Riiiiight. If that's what you think, that Sasuke would live like that rather than die with his pride intact, then okay, I guess we will just disagree. I just think it was an unnecessarily cruel and degrading fanfiction. At least if Sasuke "secretly" enjoyed being Itachi's pet or something then it could have been an enjoyable Uchiacest fic. As it was, it just seemed like distasteful rape. Hey, but as far as I know, maybe that's what you were going for! *shrugs* If it makes you feel any better, I like *this* story.
~Kang