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May 20, 2008 at 12:00 AM
And they meet!!!
Good whapter... I can't wait to see the next one!
Please update soon! (this is becoming very interesting indeed)
Good whapter... I can't wait to see the next one!
Please update soon! (this is becoming very interesting indeed)
schedule
May 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hey, I liked the chapter. I think that your grammar is fine as it is. It's a bit weird having everything in the present tense, but it makes the story interesting, and original, in my opinion.
One thing you might like to do though, is make a heading telling us that it's either naruto or Sasuke, because, the change was a little bit confusing. :)
Other than that, awesome story.
One thing you might like to do though, is make a heading telling us that it's either naruto or Sasuke, because, the change was a little bit confusing. :)
Other than that, awesome story.
schedule
May 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like her name ^^
schedule
May 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
To make seperate paragraphs; you need to hit the enter button twice. i think this story will turn out okay; but the grammer is really hard to follow. it sounds like it could be good; try having someone read it after you; or read it out loud to yourself; thats what helps me. i read it outloud to someone else. haha.
schedule
May 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
The amount of research you've done shows. Good Job.
schedule
May 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
A very nice start with lots of background information. The paragraph structure could use some work on chapter two. It is one big chapter. It will be interesting to see where this goes. Thanks for writing and sharing this.
schedule
May 13, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i never knew that you could lose your job if you was gay how tacky. i can't wait to see how this story goes.