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November 7, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Ooh, neat set-up! :D
I like this. (And I really like the higher standard of language you're using.)
I like this. (And I really like the higher standard of language you're using.)
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November 7, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oh, I'm so sorry this looks abandoned! (I just checked your profile -- no updates since 2008... :( )
Just wanted to thank you for sharing "Last Name", I like the set-up and humour, and it did have me laughing at times, too.
If you ever need/ want a beta, drop me a line. I'd be happy to help. ^_^b
Just wanted to thank you for sharing "Last Name", I like the set-up and humour, and it did have me laughing at times, too.
If you ever need/ want a beta, drop me a line. I'd be happy to help. ^_^b
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July 24, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I really like this story, and would offer my services as a beta, but 1) I'm leaving for boot camp in ten days and 2) my current computer is shit ( I'm using my iPhone right now).
So I will merely settle to wait for another chapter. :D
So I will merely settle to wait for another chapter. :D
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August 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
gd story diffrent from wot i normaly read keep up the gd work n plz update soon
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July 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow, I am really enjoying your story. I love the plot and the beautiful way you write. I cant wait to watch the story develope.
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June 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I know what you mean about rereading and finding glaring mistakes. I've been spelling sasuke wrong. A review pointed it out to me. But anyway, keep up the good work.
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June 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Ooh... this is actually quite interesting. I do hope that you'll be adding another chapter soon. :)
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June 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
You know, none of us is in this to be professional. You do well enough without a beta - although they can be nice to have.
Thanks for the comment, I was actually worried that you took my initial review the wrong way. I like to give my honest opinion to people - as you mentioned, if people only tell you how great your story is, there is no way to improve. I truly believe that.
This chapter, I noticed that you used a great variety in your wording and was pleased to note that it was all in proper context. (do you know how rare a find that is in fanfiction?) I was itching for a bit more Ita/Saku action in this chapter, but I understand that you needed to do some setting up for it, so I am GREATLY looking forward to the next chapter. Until the next update!
Tsukashi
Thanks for the comment, I was actually worried that you took my initial review the wrong way. I like to give my honest opinion to people - as you mentioned, if people only tell you how great your story is, there is no way to improve. I truly believe that.
This chapter, I noticed that you used a great variety in your wording and was pleased to note that it was all in proper context. (do you know how rare a find that is in fanfiction?) I was itching for a bit more Ita/Saku action in this chapter, but I understand that you needed to do some setting up for it, so I am GREATLY looking forward to the next chapter. Until the next update!
Tsukashi
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May 29, 2008 at 12:00 AM
yay! Another chapter, update soon pleaseeeeee!
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May 28, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Only read chapter 1 so far. I'm REALLY liking this story so far. You have very good writing skills, which in and of itself is hard to find. Let alone finding that in a het story, and then one which features my favorite pairing of all time Ita/Saku.
I have one point of constructive criticism: it isn't believable. I know, you're probably saying to yourself, they're fucking cartoon characters! or something like that, but hear me out. I think there should be some build up or some catalyst as to WHY it would happen. It is very OOC for Itachi to just snatch a random chick or Sakura - if he knew who she was - and marry her. So you have to make me believe that he would do that. (by me I mean your reader, not ME in particular) It is possible that you will reveal his reasoning in a later chapter, but it detracts from this first chapter, so you may want to do a foreshadowing of some sort to make it a little more realistic to what his character would do.
I know how sensitive we writers are on a whole - myself included - so I am not trying to discourage you by any means. As a matter of fact, with the calibre of your writing, you have the potential to be one of the better Ita/Saku writers, which the fandom is so badly in need of. I look forward to reading more.
I have one point of constructive criticism: it isn't believable. I know, you're probably saying to yourself, they're fucking cartoon characters! or something like that, but hear me out. I think there should be some build up or some catalyst as to WHY it would happen. It is very OOC for Itachi to just snatch a random chick or Sakura - if he knew who she was - and marry her. So you have to make me believe that he would do that. (by me I mean your reader, not ME in particular) It is possible that you will reveal his reasoning in a later chapter, but it detracts from this first chapter, so you may want to do a foreshadowing of some sort to make it a little more realistic to what his character would do.
I know how sensitive we writers are on a whole - myself included - so I am not trying to discourage you by any means. As a matter of fact, with the calibre of your writing, you have the potential to be one of the better Ita/Saku writers, which the fandom is so badly in need of. I look forward to reading more.