schedule
June 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's a nice idea that Ten-ten and Neji would find compassion with each other.
With all the death that surrounds ANBU, you'd need a little reassurance of life.
The story had a firm plot and moved at a good pace. I'm more concerned about the grammatical aspects of this. There were several spots that were difficult to read. The word flow was awkward, some of the prepositions were strange. I understood the concepts just had to "think" way too much to find it.
Just a suggestion, but did you read it out loud. Sometimes that help with the flow issues.
Keep writing.
ja ne
With all the death that surrounds ANBU, you'd need a little reassurance of life.
The story had a firm plot and moved at a good pace. I'm more concerned about the grammatical aspects of this. There were several spots that were difficult to read. The word flow was awkward, some of the prepositions were strange. I understood the concepts just had to "think" way too much to find it.
Just a suggestion, but did you read it out loud. Sometimes that help with the flow issues.
Keep writing.
ja ne
schedule
June 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
hey! You know what?
That was hot!!!
That was hot!!!
schedule
June 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hey there! Are you new here? I can tell because you forgot to write a disclaimer (and because I checked your profile). Actually I don't think it's that big of a deal, but who knows when legal problems might show up. Better safe than sorry, eh?
As for your story, I really enjoyed it. I'm also a fan of Ten-Ten, wether it's with Neji or with Lee (it's a pairing more rare than one would think, but if you like that, I am writing a fic on it) and your writing really helped getting into the story. What's that you say? You plan to write more chapters? Good, I'd certainly like that. Give it a try as a multi-chaptered story, it's just a waste of potential if you keep this fic as a oneshot.
As for your story, I really enjoyed it. I'm also a fan of Ten-Ten, wether it's with Neji or with Lee (it's a pairing more rare than one would think, but if you like that, I am writing a fic on it) and your writing really helped getting into the story. What's that you say? You plan to write more chapters? Good, I'd certainly like that. Give it a try as a multi-chaptered story, it's just a waste of potential if you keep this fic as a oneshot.