rate_review Reviews

this story is wonderful its nice to see Naruto have good things happen to him......Now with that said isuggest you write more or im gonna hunt you down and hold you at knifepoint while you type kk :)

CURSE YOU HIASHI HYUUGA!!!

Keep up the good work!

Great news Hanabi. Looks like you won't be condemned to the branch family after all! Great Success!


hehe... Keep up the good work. I really like Naruto's transformation.

not bad, however, I suggest that you take the character's personality changes a little slower, I mean, change is good, but Hinata went from shy to super confident within a chapter.

Ok, the idea of this story is not bad, and the execution is not bad either though there are some problems:
1.: You seem to have a problem numbering your chapters (1,2,3,4,4?.7??)
2.: There are far to many spelling mistakes for a story of this length, seeing as the chapters are quite short. Plus the occasional grammatical error,though these seem to increase. Please clean it up, it`d make the story so much more easier to read, understand and enjoy.
3.. Naruto`s parents were called Namikaze Minato (not Minamoto, they were a clan in ancient Japan whose members were the first Shogun´s in the 11th and 12th centuries A.D) and Uzumaki Kushina (not Kanna, maybe you confused it with Inuyasha?)
your idea about the Kyuubi having a mate and kits, who were attcked has also used in the story "The Truth Revealed" by Shadowfow, where the culprit was Danzou.
whoah the deleopments are gathering speed, though I also have to conclude that you have inserted an awful lot of information into a small space, meaning that you might think about longer chapters and edit the previous chapters on your next (hopefully soon) update. Please continue with this story as this story shows potential.
P.S.: This post is meant as constructive criticism and not a flame, I am merely stating facts and telling you of my honest opinion.

This story is getting really good so far, but I did see some spelling errors. Then there was somethings that were upper case and lower case problems in the story I saw. I think you should reread your story, and then fix them before you put it in the site. Other then that keep going, and update soon it's really good.

Hmm... Kyuubi helps Naruto realize his feelings for Hinata and save the woman he loves, and in return Naruto helps him track down the one responsible for the original attack all those years ago? Sounds like a fair trade to me. ^^
Keep up the good work. :)

I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. I don't like it. The plot you may have in your head may be pretty good, but here, it's just too rushed and too abrupt. Also, another factor in great story writing is the use of punctuation, grammar, etc. Without having that, some readers may think you don't care much about the story, and that may affect the story by saying "this story is gonna suck". You're really going to have to reread this to catch your own mistakes, and maybe get a beta. A couple of spelling mistakes here and there are fine, everybody's human, but when basic concepts of grammar and punctuation are ignored, it makes the story not worth reading anymore. I don't know if you're just really bad at English, or you're just a kid, in which case you shouldn't even be here.

I like the story but you have so many grammar errors that it takes away from the story some and I would like to help as a beta reader for you. I noticed you have Naruto's mom's name as Kanna but her name in canon is Kushina. Signed a fan of Hinata, Tayuya, Anko, Kurenai, and Temari.

I feel like I missed something. When exactly did Naruto find out about the identity of his father? Also if he was so shocked about how he was suddenly able to hear Kyuubi, then why is he so blasé about the whole thing. Tsunande also.

Just wondering. Keep up the good work.