schedule
December 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
WTH?!??!?!!??!
I like the original idea for the story, but to be honest, your writing style is crap. You use 'u' instead of 'you'. Plus you made Sasuke more girly and stupid than he really is. You're writing is kind of like this in my opinion: 'SaSuKe wuz such a wImp nao when he sew nerato he didnt know y he wuz but he wuz.'
If you wrote more like this, I think I could really have gotten into the story: 'Sasuke was really such a wimp now. When he saw Naruto, his brain just turned to mush and he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't see. All he knew was Naruto. All he felt was Naruto, and all he believed in, was Naruto. However, he was such a wimp now. He didn't know why, but he couldn't will himself to walk forward and touch Naruto.'
I like the original idea for the story, but to be honest, your writing style is crap. You use 'u' instead of 'you'. Plus you made Sasuke more girly and stupid than he really is. You're writing is kind of like this in my opinion: 'SaSuKe wuz such a wImp nao when he sew nerato he didnt know y he wuz but he wuz.'
If you wrote more like this, I think I could really have gotten into the story: 'Sasuke was really such a wimp now. When he saw Naruto, his brain just turned to mush and he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't see. All he knew was Naruto. All he felt was Naruto, and all he believed in, was Naruto. However, he was such a wimp now. He didn't know why, but he couldn't will himself to walk forward and touch Naruto.'
schedule
November 17, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG I wanna know what hinata said to him!!! please write soon!