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April 19, 2009 at 12:00 AM
waaaah! that was sooooo beautiful. sniff, especially since i'm a big fan of baby grand pianos. lol!! your descriptions are well written and just tease the imagination. nice!!
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April 14, 2009 at 12:00 AM
What were you worried about, making Sasuke bottom? Please, when will people learn, those two would never make it work if they saw it as having an upper hand. It's either swatch or kill each other.
Naruto wants to see Kakashi? Oh, he's such a bleeding heart. But then, Kakashi's opinion on the exam probably is something he'd want to hear. I'd want to hear it. And Sasuke's insecurities are just sad... ah, scratch that, I mean awesome. >.>
I loved that conversation they had. A little bit of bickering, a little bit of joking and a little but of trust. Naruto was so sweet when he asked for a promise Sasuke would tell him things, like he was asking for some huge favor.
Gaara was... strange. Or not strange, maybe that's it.
‘I’m going to wipe the floor with you,’ Naruto had written.
That's just so Naruto. Really, I can see him do that. Got me excited, too.
You said it was not long, the fight? This is huge. It's good description, good pace. Technically, well done. But I get this impression Sasuke didn't try hard enough. Not because he gave up, but during he fight. He just didn't use everything and I don't know. He was just... Ah. Whatever.
How Naruto made him give up was kinda cute. And kinda hot. >.>
Oh, I see now what you made Sasuke lose so easily. You wanted to write that for naruto and the villagers bowing. heh. So like him to bow to every person in turn. =D
Um, Sasuke? Horny? I mean, what was that? ;P (Nice touch, seeing a little bit of the others...) Okay I must say, that was hot and good and all, but I really think Sasuke shouldn't have bottomed after just losing. I know it shouldn't mean anything if they are having a nice, lovely relationship, but somehow... I guess I'm pretty sure I'd feel bad in his place.
Wait, what? Shikamaru saw it all? They knew he was there? Oh, God... I can't decide if that's hot or embarrassing. They weren't exactly fucking, it was making love... That's so intimate.
For the end, I know not of that movie, but I dislike Famke Janssen with passion. It's a brilliant chapter, I'm very happy you updated and sorry it took me so long to read it.
Naruto wants to see Kakashi? Oh, he's such a bleeding heart. But then, Kakashi's opinion on the exam probably is something he'd want to hear. I'd want to hear it. And Sasuke's insecurities are just sad... ah, scratch that, I mean awesome. >.>
I loved that conversation they had. A little bit of bickering, a little bit of joking and a little but of trust. Naruto was so sweet when he asked for a promise Sasuke would tell him things, like he was asking for some huge favor.
Gaara was... strange. Or not strange, maybe that's it.
‘I’m going to wipe the floor with you,’ Naruto had written.
That's just so Naruto. Really, I can see him do that. Got me excited, too.
You said it was not long, the fight? This is huge. It's good description, good pace. Technically, well done. But I get this impression Sasuke didn't try hard enough. Not because he gave up, but during he fight. He just didn't use everything and I don't know. He was just... Ah. Whatever.
How Naruto made him give up was kinda cute. And kinda hot. >.>
Oh, I see now what you made Sasuke lose so easily. You wanted to write that for naruto and the villagers bowing. heh. So like him to bow to every person in turn. =D
Um, Sasuke? Horny? I mean, what was that? ;P (Nice touch, seeing a little bit of the others...) Okay I must say, that was hot and good and all, but I really think Sasuke shouldn't have bottomed after just losing. I know it shouldn't mean anything if they are having a nice, lovely relationship, but somehow... I guess I'm pretty sure I'd feel bad in his place.
Wait, what? Shikamaru saw it all? They knew he was there? Oh, God... I can't decide if that's hot or embarrassing. They weren't exactly fucking, it was making love... That's so intimate.
For the end, I know not of that movie, but I dislike Famke Janssen with passion. It's a brilliant chapter, I'm very happy you updated and sorry it took me so long to read it.
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April 9, 2009 at 12:00 AM
A beautiful ending to this chapter. Simply beautiful. ^^
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April 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I'm so glad that you were able to update. I love this fic.
Does this mean that Sasuke won't become a Chuunin?
Regarding the "switch".. It was great. Considering what Naruto went through he should be allowed "control" over some aspect of his life since he hadn't had that control for a while.
Does this mean that Sasuke won't become a Chuunin?
Regarding the "switch".. It was great. Considering what Naruto went through he should be allowed "control" over some aspect of his life since he hadn't had that control for a while.
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March 18, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Hey awesome story. Just gotta say that i lve the interplay with the character. Naruto is not pissed @ tsunade or kakashi but he also isn't willing to forgive them so quickly. It seems so OOC 4 him as he is portrayed but i think it is definitely in character 4 his background not knowing his family, being lied to, being abused/hated, etc. I gotta say that reading these chapter i was like i can't wait to read whats next or i wonder whats gonna happen next.
Sasuke is another character i enjoyed reading about. That he is or @ the very least willing to change if not 4 himself but 4 the pain of what Naruto went through and to be a better person for him. He pretends to be such a hardass.
I also liked that u didn't rush the intimate scenes and when u did it, it wasn't all candy/roses/harps playing/the best; that it was real, it hurt, it was clumsy. I want substance to the stories i read and this is definitely a good starting point.
Please don't take what i said as criticism but as helpful advice and if anything i said offended u sorry. i can't wait to read the rest of this epic.
P.S can u put more iruka in. I lve watching him make kakashi cower, if even a little.
Sasuke is another character i enjoyed reading about. That he is or @ the very least willing to change if not 4 himself but 4 the pain of what Naruto went through and to be a better person for him. He pretends to be such a hardass.
I also liked that u didn't rush the intimate scenes and when u did it, it wasn't all candy/roses/harps playing/the best; that it was real, it hurt, it was clumsy. I want substance to the stories i read and this is definitely a good starting point.
Please don't take what i said as criticism but as helpful advice and if anything i said offended u sorry. i can't wait to read the rest of this epic.
P.S can u put more iruka in. I lve watching him make kakashi cower, if even a little.
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March 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Wow...
Just wow.
This has got to be one of the best stories I have ever read in Naruto fanfiction. Ever. Nothing compares to how REAL you make this story. The characters stay in character, the plot is very interesting and nothing is poorly or over-exageratedly written. Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. You put so much effort and it truly pays off.
I have to commemorate Sasuke and Naruto's realtionship most of all. Their feelings, I can pratically feel for myself. Very logical way of writing their characters. Meaning, I could actually see this happening in canon. And the first sex scene was done so beautifully and so REALISTICALLY.
I love it, abosolutely love it.
Gure-pu sawa really brings a sense of peace and escape. I loved imagining that village as well. I wish they had stayed :P
Please please update soon! Your story is like air to me now.
Just wow.
This has got to be one of the best stories I have ever read in Naruto fanfiction. Ever. Nothing compares to how REAL you make this story. The characters stay in character, the plot is very interesting and nothing is poorly or over-exageratedly written. Fantastic, absolutely fantastic. You put so much effort and it truly pays off.
I have to commemorate Sasuke and Naruto's realtionship most of all. Their feelings, I can pratically feel for myself. Very logical way of writing their characters. Meaning, I could actually see this happening in canon. And the first sex scene was done so beautifully and so REALISTICALLY.
I love it, abosolutely love it.
Gure-pu sawa really brings a sense of peace and escape. I loved imagining that village as well. I wish they had stayed :P
Please please update soon! Your story is like air to me now.
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March 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Once again the stories lookin' good...I've read all the chapters lol
But yea I see what you were saying in your review to me but I can't really help it since I pretty much write like that all the time (I think the reason I do that is because I don't organize my plot before I write it and do nothing to it afterwards). Also, I don't have a beta and can't get one so I can't really do anything about it! No one reads my stories so it's hard to advertise for one.
Secondly: The story is all in Naruto's pov (or at least I thought it was)
I just spaced it because I see that often and sometimes sentences look jumbled and boring to me to I skip lines to keep it empty. ( I have astigmatism badly so I can't see things if it's too much writing all in one place)
Third: Thanks and if you see anything else I'd be glad to here it, you sound really expirenced!
But yea I see what you were saying in your review to me but I can't really help it since I pretty much write like that all the time (I think the reason I do that is because I don't organize my plot before I write it and do nothing to it afterwards). Also, I don't have a beta and can't get one so I can't really do anything about it! No one reads my stories so it's hard to advertise for one.
Secondly: The story is all in Naruto's pov (or at least I thought it was)
I just spaced it because I see that often and sometimes sentences look jumbled and boring to me to I skip lines to keep it empty. ( I have astigmatism badly so I can't see things if it's too much writing all in one place)
Third: Thanks and if you see anything else I'd be glad to here it, you sound really expirenced!
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March 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Omg! I am in love with this story and your way of writing! Can you do me a favor and critique mines? I think of myself as a "soft writer" and I wanna change it so HELP! Expirenced Sempai's are always welcomed and loved!
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March 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
O_O
You as well should be sorry for keeping that hot little piece if SASUKE BOTTOMING from me! Gah! Incoherence attacked me!
(just for a minute there, have no fear XD)
hehe, must say I was very surprised both Naruto and Sasuke went through first round easily. >.> hehe. No, but the next chapter should be really exciting, I can't wait to see what you have in mind. There was just one little thing... I know Naruto clones were keeping guard, but i don't think fire was such a good idea, if they were trying to lay low. But well. When someone is capable as two of them are, it doesn't really make a difference.
Can't wait the next part. You are already writing it, right? Right? =D
You as well should be sorry for keeping that hot little piece if SASUKE BOTTOMING from me! Gah! Incoherence attacked me!
(just for a minute there, have no fear XD)
hehe, must say I was very surprised both Naruto and Sasuke went through first round easily. >.> hehe. No, but the next chapter should be really exciting, I can't wait to see what you have in mind. There was just one little thing... I know Naruto clones were keeping guard, but i don't think fire was such a good idea, if they were trying to lay low. But well. When someone is capable as two of them are, it doesn't really make a difference.
Can't wait the next part. You are already writing it, right? Right? =D
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February 18, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Woo hoo! The next chapter sounds like a lot of fun. ^^
Keep up the good work!
Keep up the good work!