rate_review Reviews

Wow this was a great story. what a plot. I liked how unique and intereting you made some of the characters. Great job! Just proof read :)

I have to say that the story is very original and I quite enjoyed reading it. It's very mature, descriptive but not exageratingly so and the plot is really interesting even though the characters are - as some have mentioned - portrayed in a rather different way.
However, I do advise ou to find a Beta Reader to help you with those little mistakes. Also, make sure you know how to spell some of the japanese terms and names mentioned in "Naruto" because you have mispelled quite a few things - I can't really remember all of them, but for example, there was a chapter where you wrote 'ichi ichi paradise' when it's 'icha icha', and 'Yakama Ino' when her name is 'Yamanaka Ino' - and really, it's such a good story that it's a shame to find such mistakes. Do correct these things whenever you have the time and this fanfic will be more valued!

Please, do keep on writting more surprising fanfics for us readers to enjoy ;)

I was thinking over the story when a thought came into mind. If for whatever reason, Naruto wants to leave Sasuke, he would not be able to. not only does Naruto have no legitimate children, a lot of his bonds have been broken and made into something else that consisted of Sasuke. Sasuke has basically crept in and corrupted every part of Naruto's life to ensure that he would stay with him. You are a genius! I don't know if Sasuke has an ulterior motive but he can definitely ruin all of leaf in an instant.Is Naruto's infertility a natural cause? or is it another one of Sasuke's schemes to infiltrate Naruto's being?

This has to be one of the best fan fiction ever written. The style, story line, characterizations... it's all beautiful! Please continue to write more and hopefully finish this masterpiece.

uuchia play hard ball, neh? I truly wish Naru could have his own kid though... and Hinata really needs to die.
ty 4 t up date. 's been a while.

I love this story so much. You have weaved quite tangled webs.

it's been a while but i am glad to see that not are you still writing this story but that you made a really great chapter that was worth the wait. as i was reading i wondered if sasuke was going to do to choji what he wanted to do to him and make him divorce his wife to marry ino and make his daughters bastards. and i think it is really cute the way he is training his kids to be possessive of naruto too. i guess we should be glad that he is at least willing to share with his kids. i really cannot wait to see what machinations sasuke gets up to next.

this is a really good story.i think it is interesting that at first i thought that neiji was a bastard and sasuke must have been using the shady ass lessons he learned from the snake bastard but it turns out he isn't so bad not by much by that's better than the pond scum that I thought that he was so kudos to you for that because hinata is one crazy mumba sumba. i can't wait to see the next chapter.

Ok. I buy it. I'm all in. If the Naruto franchise was based more in an adult reality, this is how it would likely go. On the days that I'm not dragged down by Newsvine discussions on Afghanistan and Health Care Reform, I'll be able to give this a go. On the rest of the days, find me somewhere fluffier.

BTW, if you want someone to take a read through for mechanical issues, feel free to email me.

Some of your sentences are not structured correctly. A lot of them are missing key words...like pronouns. I've spotted a few typos, too. Oh, and you need to take emotional states into account when you write dialogue. People who are in the middle of foreplay will use contractions, not 'We are friends!' use We're friends! Variations in speech patterns respective to the character helps as well. Naruto is OOC. You would be surprised what paying attention to seemingly small details will do for the power of your fic. Interesting ideas you have here. I look forward to reading more.

I liked it! The fact that you made Hinata the crazy, obsessed third pary instead of Sakura was very different.
I don't think i have seen any other fics like that. I like that.