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schedule
October 16, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I think your writing skills are pretty good. Of course, I'm no writer either but the flow is going well.*8) OMG!!! Naruto hugged Neji woohoo!! but he will have alone time with Sasuke. Now Sakura's in the mix thinking she has a chance with Sasuke. She's so annoying but at least she likes Naruto and beating up on him. Can't wait for next chapter.
schedule
October 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I loved it! I really like possesive and jealous Uchihas and Hyuugas, it's so fun!
Can't wait for the next chapter, keep up with the good work and good luck with the writing.
Take care. Hugs
Can't wait for the next chapter, keep up with the good work and good luck with the writing.
Take care. Hugs
schedule
October 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i love this story!!!! i can't wait for you to update!!!! keep up the great work!!!!
schedule
October 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Your definitely not bad, especially for a first time writer. Just keep it up and I think you'll be fine. As for the pairing, please don't do a threesome. They've become way to cliche, as have SasuNaru stories. NejiNaru isn't the most unique pairing either, BUT it's a lot less common than SasuNaru. Personally, I say unless you want a story that's just like 500 million other people, avoid the SasuNaru and avoid the threesome.
As for the story itself, I think it could be interesting. Definitely want to see where it goes.
*On a slightly different note, I've been reading fandom for awhile now, read through a lot of different stories, and I've found that readers tend to have patterns when authors put things up for vote. When there's a pairing, if Sasuke's in it, Sasuke is very likely to win (though that often depends on how the story is presented in summary). Also with mpregs, if an author asks how many babies and gives numbers, the readers will always go as high as they can. Who cares that 8 babies is overkill, we want to see 8 babies. Oh and of course the twins, one girl and one boy. I guess it's easier to do that than to have to pick a gender. Personally I always just go for the boys because I'm not a lover of children, but little boys just do something to me. They have something that little girls just don't have. Maybe the knowledge that they'll most likely grow up and lose this visible sweetness to some degree, it makes you feel like you should cherish it. Anyways, I'd watch out for those things. Also a lot of authors fall into the trap of the triangle (in most cases with Sasuke being the 'good' one). They tend to have one part of the chasing pair be 'good' and the other part 'bad'. He's (usually Neji or Gaara, in one story both) not very nice in how he goes about things, he's a moron, he's a jackass, even when the person (usually Naruto) chooses (usually Sasuke), he still refuses to give up and let Naruto be happy. I'd watch for that also, you don't want to become a cliche-ish author. Your a step above the rest at this point because your writing isn't bad, just keep going.
As for the story itself, I think it could be interesting. Definitely want to see where it goes.
*On a slightly different note, I've been reading fandom for awhile now, read through a lot of different stories, and I've found that readers tend to have patterns when authors put things up for vote. When there's a pairing, if Sasuke's in it, Sasuke is very likely to win (though that often depends on how the story is presented in summary). Also with mpregs, if an author asks how many babies and gives numbers, the readers will always go as high as they can. Who cares that 8 babies is overkill, we want to see 8 babies. Oh and of course the twins, one girl and one boy. I guess it's easier to do that than to have to pick a gender. Personally I always just go for the boys because I'm not a lover of children, but little boys just do something to me. They have something that little girls just don't have. Maybe the knowledge that they'll most likely grow up and lose this visible sweetness to some degree, it makes you feel like you should cherish it. Anyways, I'd watch out for those things. Also a lot of authors fall into the trap of the triangle (in most cases with Sasuke being the 'good' one). They tend to have one part of the chasing pair be 'good' and the other part 'bad'. He's (usually Neji or Gaara, in one story both) not very nice in how he goes about things, he's a moron, he's a jackass, even when the person (usually Naruto) chooses (usually Sasuke), he still refuses to give up and let Naruto be happy. I'd watch for that also, you don't want to become a cliche-ish author. Your a step above the rest at this point because your writing isn't bad, just keep going.
schedule
October 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i smell a soap operish scenerio at this party! and a lot of blubbering melodrama!
schedule
October 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Not a bad start the only thing with your writing but is a problem with a lot of stories probably even mine is there needs to be a definite tense. Is it past tense or present tense. Which ever stick with it. But other than that your story is solid. I hope to read more soon. As for pairing why not both. Sorry I read a threesome series with Naruto as uke and Gaara and Sasuke as seme and I can't get enough of it now.
schedule
October 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
SASUKE....god i sooooo want for it to Sasuke....pretty please......lol the bigining of the story.....SasuXNaru forever
schedule
October 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Why not both?*smirk*
schedule
October 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Yeah I agree!!! why not both guys make this a three-way story instead?!!
schedule
October 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
oooh good start, I hope you continue soonish. I enjoyed this first chapter! *gives you fresh brownies*