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March 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I just read this story today and i must say i really enjoyed it. Please continue with it. I'm usually not in a habit of reviewing much except for stories that i feel show alot of promise. I hope that you will keep up with this story. I have yet to read a crossover that is completed. Please continue, I will keep my eyes open for this story. Happy Writing.
~Daydreamer.
~Daydreamer.
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December 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
You can write, there's no question about that. You even dance the grammar jig! Kudos.
On the other hand you need to work on your word economy. Your first chapter for instance could be distilled down to a couple of paragraphs. You go off on so many tangents and describe everything under the sun to the point where it just becomes inane rambling. I got a bit frustrated reading and stopped midway through chapter two. Decide what's important to your plot/characters/atmosphere and stick to that. A little focus goes a long way.
Thanks for sharing.
On the other hand you need to work on your word economy. Your first chapter for instance could be distilled down to a couple of paragraphs. You go off on so many tangents and describe everything under the sun to the point where it just becomes inane rambling. I got a bit frustrated reading and stopped midway through chapter two. Decide what's important to your plot/characters/atmosphere and stick to that. A little focus goes a long way.
Thanks for sharing.