rate_review Reviews

Not to bad. Better then I thought it will be. I like all of the pairings and hope to see want the girls think of the guy they got. I want to now what Ino thinks of Chouji. It going to be a pairing right?

Great beginning. I just hope it doesn't lead to an excessivly large harem. I suggest limiting it to four or five girl, that way you can actually develope thier characters. My suggestions are (in addition to Hinata) Temari, Kin, fem!Haku, and maybe Tenten. Older women like Kurenai and Shizune could be added in as fuck buddies.

Keep up the great work!

An interesting, though not original, idea, but it needs work. There's no real reason given for the girl's slavery, the dialogue between Naruto and Hinata seems contrived and forced just so that they can move on to sex, Hinata went from shy to willing to say whatever's on her mind, and a myriad of other problems. A website like this is horrible for improving your writing, since everyone just replies "Awesome! Update more!" or something stupid along this lines. Honestly, this wasn't that good, and it seems like you went about writing a lemon without given legitimate reasons for said lemon to occur. The plot needs to be fleshed out a lot more, and no one's really in character. I'd apologize for being harsh, but considering 18 mindless readers just responded that it's perfect for some arbitrary reason, I figured you might actually be able to take this criticism and improve.

pretty cool been waiting for something like this to be done

pretty good

I love the story so far. If you can somehow add Kurenai and Anko, that would be great.

great story so far i hope there is no pragnincy or atleast anytime soon

ooo i love the idea and have been waiting for something like this to come out i look forward to more i hope for Naruto to enslave femHaku if you could ;) i personally think Ino should have gone to Shikamaru but choji's ok i also look forward to seeing more kinky sex and possibly some bdsm

Well done. You seem to have a flair for Dominate Naruto. Works for me; I dislike submissive Naruto and Uke Naruto makes me twitch, a lot.

Can't wait to see more. Also, I'm interested in the AU you mentioned.