rate_review Reviews

so sad why did you kill jiji-chan. i demand justice ^_^

Whhooo! More suspense! So, Jiraiya is dead and Kakashi wants to talk to Naruto. I'm not sad about his death, but I am eager to know why Kakashi wants to talk to Naruto about it, as if he suspects him even though Naruto only spoke to the man once, if he indeed questioned Sakura about the night before. We won't know that until you update, so you'd better not wait so long! Honestly, all that eery suspense from the last paragraph almost blew away how great the rest of the chapter was. There were a few uncharacteristic errors in the grammar that made a few bits hard to understand until I read them again.

But the similes you used were grand, and the description was so good at points, like the way you dealt with Naruto's slight hangover. Oh, that was good. I had a little trouble believing they could see as well as they did in the later part of the chapter. The way you described the darkness of the night, as darker than anything Naruto had encountered before, and the weird streetlamps that only illuminated the street below instead of curving outwward for a spell like normal lights, made it clear that everything surrounding them without starlight or moonlight and with all those trees soaking up any other natural light, made it clear that it should have been too dark to see. So I'm wondering if you intended the town to look somehow very supernatural as well as that feeling. It would make sense excpet that it wasn't as clear the way you wrote it later.

But enough nitpicking, the chapter flowed well, it was qute long, but the perfect length. And I enjoyed what little you pulled in of Sasuke, the intrigue of Naruto finding out snipets of Sasuke's father from Saukra rather than the man himself or even Sasuke, and the interaction between Naruto and Jiraiya was spot on with the characters of the manga. I'm livid that I have to wait to get more info and to see what Kakashi is thinking and his suspisions about Naruto, as he seemed not to like our hero from the begining. Please don't make it long of a wait! Also, the song choices for the club were perfect, especially at the time when Naruto questioned Jiraiya. It added to his frustration beautifully to use that song on highlighting it. Good luck and keep it comming! Now I'm just as excited to see the next chapter as I was for this one!

Sometimes I consider myself sensitive and when you said that people like that shouldn't read it... I couldn't help myself, because your writing is very nice. The structure is a lot better then most of the fan fiction written on here. Also your story line so far is really interesting and I can't stop wondering where your going with it. I think I'll need to toughen up a bit for your story, but I get the feeling that it's really going to be worth it. I really looking forward to your next update. Keep up the really good work.

I'm so happy you've updated! :D

This story is so intriguing. I'd hate to see it fall to the wayside.
Keep up the great work!

ooh Sasuke is such a BUTT head, how can he act like he doesnt know Naruto when Naruto knows he does? When Sakura and Kiba KNOW he knows he does?? and who was the guy he was calling?? oh betcha it was Gaara, betcha Gaara was watching Naruto for Sasuke and failed to warn him when Naruto decided to come back to down, ooh man I love this fic and I cant wait for more, I wonder how Jiraiya is going to react to him, and why DIDNT Kakashi say anything??? and what is soo secretive about his dad??? ooh soooo many questions, cant wait, thank you for the excellent read and I cant wait for more, huggles and smiles Mija...:-)

The plot thickens!!

CAn't wait to read more...

You totally met my expectations. I don't know what I was expecting but I didn't expect anyone to know Naruto, isn't that weird. I wonder if Kakashi and Ino also suspected that Naruto was Naruto? He remembered something after seeing Sasuke so hopefully Sasuke is the key to unlocking his past. Why was Sakura so bitter? Does Sasuke remember Naruto at all? I hope so, I can't wait to read what happens next.

Ah! Ahhhh! Oh. My. God. There's setting description, and it's . . . beautiful! This is so much of an improvement on the settings, and even building descriptions, than anyhting else I've read, I think. Oh, I could die now. I want more, though, so I can't do that. I'm sending you a private mail though, bexcause I have a question I don't want to ask here for fear of getting your readers mad at any spoilers. I loved it, in case you couldn't tell. And, you're beta did wonderfully. There was only one run-on, maybe two. Like here, 'This girl, Sakura, wasn’t hiding her tears, she was obviously happy to see him, and this guy, this nice pleasant guy with a gorgeous dog and a nice pick-up, they knew him.'

Aside from that, almost NO grammar or word choice problems and you're sentence strucutre is perfect, even the length. This chapter is grand and if you keep this up, publishing in english is not going to be all that hard to achieve. Sorry, I'm gushing, I'll stop now. :-)

aaacck, this is soooo teasing, how can you leave it there, so far this is like got my interest big time, I love horror and mystery and the way you wrote the first chapter was well written and totally drew you in, I cant wait to read more, I hope you update soon, I cant wait to findout more, maybe see who left him that note, is Konoha a ghost town now?? or do people actually live there?? cant wait to see, thanks for the read, hugggles and smiles Mija...:-)

Intriguing beginning. Continue!