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March 17, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This is sooo luscious and erotic...great story !
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November 28, 2009 at 12:00 AM
i really enjoyed this story although it has some basic editing problems that makes it hard to read. I was fascinated by the village politics, would love to see a follow-up. While it was a little heavier in the graphic sex than I am use to, I was as hooked as Kakashi is to Icha Icha. There is so many possibilities from these ideas, I hope you continue it.
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May 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Whoa... I've read through this entire story now, in a few sessions, considering it was damn heavy in some places, and I have to say... dayum!
You have a truly amazing story here, no questions asked. I like the way you managed to weave their lives and families together to give this fic more depth, a rather stunning feat indeed. I've lost count how many fics I've come across that didnt have an ounce of plot in them -_-"
Lets get to the constructive criticism then, although there's not that much to give honestly.
I have no idea of why, but all the apostrophes throughout the entire story somehow turned into jK's and whatnot, which in some places, made it difficult to read. I dont know why that is but most probably because of your uploading??
Also, in some places, your sentences went on and on and on, which in turn can tire a reader's mind out rather quickly. Like for example here;
'...of the potent groanings for more ¡V of the karma sutra-esqe contortions ¡V of the frantic caresses ¡V of the exhilarating touches ¡V of the scorching kisses ¡V of the ardent flavors of mixed meats ¡V of the exigent cries of love ¡V of the magical murmurings ¡V of the needy whimperings ¡V of the soft whisperings, and of the heedless rumplings of sweat-drenched bed sheets...'
Now, this is your story so I dont really have any saying about it, but I highly recommend you to do something about that and maybe try to avoid it in the future?
And finally, you mistook the word 'prostrate' which means throw down flat, as on the ground or render helpless or defenseless, with the word 'prostate', that relating to the prostate gland in a man's rectum.
So, there it is, my review to a rather remarkable story. I hope you dont take my comments the wrong way, I'm not meaning this as a flame at all. With that said, I thank you for deciding to write about Shino, my very own favorite character. Although I write NaruShino rather than what you have specialized in. Well, enough of my ramblings. Thank you for sharing a great story with us and keep up the great job!! =3
You have a truly amazing story here, no questions asked. I like the way you managed to weave their lives and families together to give this fic more depth, a rather stunning feat indeed. I've lost count how many fics I've come across that didnt have an ounce of plot in them -_-"
Lets get to the constructive criticism then, although there's not that much to give honestly.
I have no idea of why, but all the apostrophes throughout the entire story somehow turned into jK's and whatnot, which in some places, made it difficult to read. I dont know why that is but most probably because of your uploading??
Also, in some places, your sentences went on and on and on, which in turn can tire a reader's mind out rather quickly. Like for example here;
'...of the potent groanings for more ¡V of the karma sutra-esqe contortions ¡V of the frantic caresses ¡V of the exhilarating touches ¡V of the scorching kisses ¡V of the ardent flavors of mixed meats ¡V of the exigent cries of love ¡V of the magical murmurings ¡V of the needy whimperings ¡V of the soft whisperings, and of the heedless rumplings of sweat-drenched bed sheets...'
Now, this is your story so I dont really have any saying about it, but I highly recommend you to do something about that and maybe try to avoid it in the future?
And finally, you mistook the word 'prostrate' which means throw down flat, as on the ground or render helpless or defenseless, with the word 'prostate', that relating to the prostate gland in a man's rectum.
So, there it is, my review to a rather remarkable story. I hope you dont take my comments the wrong way, I'm not meaning this as a flame at all. With that said, I thank you for deciding to write about Shino, my very own favorite character. Although I write NaruShino rather than what you have specialized in. Well, enough of my ramblings. Thank you for sharing a great story with us and keep up the great job!! =3
schedule
April 20, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I love the story!!!! nuff said