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January 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
(When you say replaced?”
“Killed. The king is the only one who can kill unceremoniously. If Danzou were king, he would be untouchable by anyone except assassins. No reparations could ever be taken from him for the deaths of others,” answered Sasuke.
Naruto’s eyes went wide. “He can kill anyone?”
Sasuke shrugged. “It might cause war but it is the right of the king to take us to war.”
“If it’s just Danzou, why doesn’t he just kill him? You know he wants to even if he denies it.”
Sasuke chuckled and settled onto a wooden bench. “Because he’s Itachi. To him, possessing a death warrant for Danzou is more satisfying than simply killing him. It will prevent the excuse of unlawful killing being a excuse for someone to lead a rebellion.”)
--it is the right of the king-he can kill freely. no reparations could be asked from the king for the lives he takes....but then you write that doing it by warrant will prevent the excuse of 'unlawful killing' being an excuse for war__but you just wrote it is not unlawful for the king to kill--contradiction.
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( If we need to, we will destroy you all to maintain it.“)
-so they are warriors of the balance- 'we will destroy you all'...but then you write:
(Many of my people are wanting to retreat from civilization. There are few who are warriors such as myself)_
( My people are not warriors. It would not have been pleasant if weapons such as these were used.”)
so they're not warriors of the balance and the threat to destroy was empty??- contradiction
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i did enjoy itachi tearing danzou's head from his body- it was about time. thanks for that.
“Killed. The king is the only one who can kill unceremoniously. If Danzou were king, he would be untouchable by anyone except assassins. No reparations could ever be taken from him for the deaths of others,” answered Sasuke.
Naruto’s eyes went wide. “He can kill anyone?”
Sasuke shrugged. “It might cause war but it is the right of the king to take us to war.”
“If it’s just Danzou, why doesn’t he just kill him? You know he wants to even if he denies it.”
Sasuke chuckled and settled onto a wooden bench. “Because he’s Itachi. To him, possessing a death warrant for Danzou is more satisfying than simply killing him. It will prevent the excuse of unlawful killing being a excuse for someone to lead a rebellion.”)
--it is the right of the king-he can kill freely. no reparations could be asked from the king for the lives he takes....but then you write that doing it by warrant will prevent the excuse of 'unlawful killing' being an excuse for war__but you just wrote it is not unlawful for the king to kill--contradiction.
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( If we need to, we will destroy you all to maintain it.“)
-so they are warriors of the balance- 'we will destroy you all'...but then you write:
(Many of my people are wanting to retreat from civilization. There are few who are warriors such as myself)_
( My people are not warriors. It would not have been pleasant if weapons such as these were used.”)
so they're not warriors of the balance and the threat to destroy was empty??- contradiction
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i did enjoy itachi tearing danzou's head from his body- it was about time. thanks for that.
schedule
January 24, 2012 at 12:00 AM
one of the best chapters. sasuke deciding to fight for the independence of the colonies- so that naruto may be reborn into a life free from being under the rule of england...
---though there is no evidence that naruto's next life will be born in north america- he's been born in japan, italy, etc....so why the assumption that he'd be born in n. america? you've never written about him being born in the same place twice before. in fact, you've written about sasuke having to search the continents to find naruto
i enjoyed all except the parts with kiba and sakura. probably because you almost include nothing of his normal life- and that you had kiba spouting off about vampires and sakura asking about the door that led to sasuke's crypt; made the reasons for them being written in here kinda simple and cartoonish. the bit about itachi wanting to keep naruto for himself a while longer was kinda weird too. what would itachi do if naruto died in a car accident b4 he woke sasuke up.
and this was a little off:
(He’d sensed the boy last night. He’d whispered thanks to Kurenai after the meeting adjourned. She successfully steered the conversation away from Sasuke and the eventually, Naruto.)
-kurenai did not successfully steer the conversation away from sasuke_ as a matter of fact, naruto did not know who they were talking about until kurenai said sasuke's name...and if itachi sensed naruto eaves dropping- why didn't he confront him- tell him how rude it was- scold him----and then naruto wouldn't have heard any of the conversation---so itachi could have stopped naruto from hearing anything- but let him listen. to thank kurenai for changing the subject would have been unnecessary- she just closed the door- itachi didn't even do that much when he knew naruto was eavesdropping.__it doesn't even make sense that he'd allow naruto to have guests over while having a 'secret' council meeting in a room anybody could access, with the door open. these are supposed to be millenia old creatures with knowledge and life experiences that should make them smarter than that.
---though there is no evidence that naruto's next life will be born in north america- he's been born in japan, italy, etc....so why the assumption that he'd be born in n. america? you've never written about him being born in the same place twice before. in fact, you've written about sasuke having to search the continents to find naruto
i enjoyed all except the parts with kiba and sakura. probably because you almost include nothing of his normal life- and that you had kiba spouting off about vampires and sakura asking about the door that led to sasuke's crypt; made the reasons for them being written in here kinda simple and cartoonish. the bit about itachi wanting to keep naruto for himself a while longer was kinda weird too. what would itachi do if naruto died in a car accident b4 he woke sasuke up.
and this was a little off:
(He’d sensed the boy last night. He’d whispered thanks to Kurenai after the meeting adjourned. She successfully steered the conversation away from Sasuke and the eventually, Naruto.)
-kurenai did not successfully steer the conversation away from sasuke_ as a matter of fact, naruto did not know who they were talking about until kurenai said sasuke's name...and if itachi sensed naruto eaves dropping- why didn't he confront him- tell him how rude it was- scold him----and then naruto wouldn't have heard any of the conversation---so itachi could have stopped naruto from hearing anything- but let him listen. to thank kurenai for changing the subject would have been unnecessary- she just closed the door- itachi didn't even do that much when he knew naruto was eavesdropping.__it doesn't even make sense that he'd allow naruto to have guests over while having a 'secret' council meeting in a room anybody could access, with the door open. these are supposed to be millenia old creatures with knowledge and life experiences that should make them smarter than that.
schedule
January 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
a very fascinating beginning. only thing i found that didn't make much sense was:
(but if we have them travel in the spring and summer, they should reach the fortress before the autumn chill.” )
-so you had sasuke say it would take more than a season for naruto and his family to travel there.
-but then you had itachi say:
(If we leave, we should make it home in a week’s time)
i liked the beginning with sasuke and baby naruto- sasuke pledging to always find/love/protect/etc naruto.
(but if we have them travel in the spring and summer, they should reach the fortress before the autumn chill.” )
-so you had sasuke say it would take more than a season for naruto and his family to travel there.
-but then you had itachi say:
(If we leave, we should make it home in a week’s time)
i liked the beginning with sasuke and baby naruto- sasuke pledging to always find/love/protect/etc naruto.
schedule
January 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
(The rats had barely eased the hunger that beat inside him. Traveling nearly nonstop had burned up most of his reserve energy. There would be no more feeding on animals. He would require human when dusk approached.)
why the drama of having him feed on rats the whole trip- you've written that they can choose not to be seen by humans- that they have super-vamp speed; that they can make their blood donors forget being fed on and even give them a new memory_ so there's absolutely no reason why he should have to eat only rats. doesn't make sense.
and an old hag just comes out of nowhere and curses sasuke for no reason?? i imagine you will go into further detail in later chapters- otherwise it's a weak/cheap plot device.
the story has interested me very much- i like the concept very much. but there's contradictions (the feeding on rats when it's not necessary. the difference in travel times from 1 week for the vamps to cross the ocean to many weeks for naruto's family. the origin of the curse- if it is a curse) it's like a present wrapped very expensively and inside the box is kinda a disappointment- i can only hope these kinds of things are fleshed out in future chapters- it is a lengthy story so that is likely- if that's the case- then just take this as a very interested reader just pointing out details noticed- so that you know this reader is actually paying attention to what you're writing- instead of leaving a review that just says- 'great job, update soon'
why the drama of having him feed on rats the whole trip- you've written that they can choose not to be seen by humans- that they have super-vamp speed; that they can make their blood donors forget being fed on and even give them a new memory_ so there's absolutely no reason why he should have to eat only rats. doesn't make sense.
and an old hag just comes out of nowhere and curses sasuke for no reason?? i imagine you will go into further detail in later chapters- otherwise it's a weak/cheap plot device.
the story has interested me very much- i like the concept very much. but there's contradictions (the feeding on rats when it's not necessary. the difference in travel times from 1 week for the vamps to cross the ocean to many weeks for naruto's family. the origin of the curse- if it is a curse) it's like a present wrapped very expensively and inside the box is kinda a disappointment- i can only hope these kinds of things are fleshed out in future chapters- it is a lengthy story so that is likely- if that's the case- then just take this as a very interested reader just pointing out details noticed- so that you know this reader is actually paying attention to what you're writing- instead of leaving a review that just says- 'great job, update soon'
schedule
January 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
(If he wasn’t Sasuke’s brother, the younger Uchiha was certain they would have been lovers. The way Itachi’s long hair sifted over his shoulders to tease the tips of his nipples was something of an erotic scene.
“Come now, Sasuke. I know I look good but wasn’t there something you wished to discuss?”)
--doesn't it seem unlikely and kind of creepy that sasuke would have those thoughts after just being reunited with his long lost love, after 300 years- itachi's sensuality should have been the furthest thing from his mind
--i get why you have sasuke suffer- you're into the angst and drama- but you've also written that itachi can put sasuke to sleep for decades or centuries- so why would itachi watch sasuke suffer for so long when he could put him to sleep- let him sleep it off- i believe you wrote their parents have been asleep for 500 years.
baby naruto liking the painting of sasuke was fantastic- i'm assuming the portrait is the one painted by the italian naruto- that's really cool.
so by the end of the story- sasuke will have 10 or so long dead naruto's to show the one that he finally gets to keep? so far he's got 1 buried and 1 in a bag- he's a naruto collector.
i may be calling attention to parts i don't get- but i want you to know i am enjoying the story- you've had me misty eyed and sad a couple of times already
“Come now, Sasuke. I know I look good but wasn’t there something you wished to discuss?”)
--doesn't it seem unlikely and kind of creepy that sasuke would have those thoughts after just being reunited with his long lost love, after 300 years- itachi's sensuality should have been the furthest thing from his mind
--i get why you have sasuke suffer- you're into the angst and drama- but you've also written that itachi can put sasuke to sleep for decades or centuries- so why would itachi watch sasuke suffer for so long when he could put him to sleep- let him sleep it off- i believe you wrote their parents have been asleep for 500 years.
baby naruto liking the painting of sasuke was fantastic- i'm assuming the portrait is the one painted by the italian naruto- that's really cool.
so by the end of the story- sasuke will have 10 or so long dead naruto's to show the one that he finally gets to keep? so far he's got 1 buried and 1 in a bag- he's a naruto collector.
i may be calling attention to parts i don't get- but i want you to know i am enjoying the story- you've had me misty eyed and sad a couple of times already
schedule
January 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
(As king of their kind, he held a responsibility to his subjects as well as to the humans amongst whom they lived)
- you seem fond of mentioning itachi is the king of the night walkers- yet you haven't had him do a kingly thing. he holds no court- he has no subjects- he doesn't seem to rule over anyone but his brother. maybe this is another one of those things you will explain in future chapters. though the same theme is played out in each chapter- it's become very predictable.
itachi is blaming naruto for following sasuke through reincarnations. you have some hag who seems to have cursed sasuke for no reason what so ever- we already know naruto will die and you will try to make sasuke seem even more pained and insane as the chapters progress- so it's probably best to skip to the last few chapters so i remember this story fondly, instead of becoming bored of reading the same thing over and over- with slight variations. plus i really hate angst- and this is a mega long angst fest- but you warned us at the beginning- so no fault is put on you.
i did enjoy the episode with 5 year old naruto and itachi in his mindscape- that was really interesting- you do have some gems packed away in these chapters. you obviously spent lots of time on this- your efforts are appreciated
- you seem fond of mentioning itachi is the king of the night walkers- yet you haven't had him do a kingly thing. he holds no court- he has no subjects- he doesn't seem to rule over anyone but his brother. maybe this is another one of those things you will explain in future chapters. though the same theme is played out in each chapter- it's become very predictable.
itachi is blaming naruto for following sasuke through reincarnations. you have some hag who seems to have cursed sasuke for no reason what so ever- we already know naruto will die and you will try to make sasuke seem even more pained and insane as the chapters progress- so it's probably best to skip to the last few chapters so i remember this story fondly, instead of becoming bored of reading the same thing over and over- with slight variations. plus i really hate angst- and this is a mega long angst fest- but you warned us at the beginning- so no fault is put on you.
i did enjoy the episode with 5 year old naruto and itachi in his mindscape- that was really interesting- you do have some gems packed away in these chapters. you obviously spent lots of time on this- your efforts are appreciated
schedule
January 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM
wow- this is like another story entirely- i thought this was going to be about sasuke and naruto and having to wait for the proper reincarnation to be together- but now it's all this complicated stuff with all these different kinds of supernatural characters-
( except when someone very dear has passed. He and Konan were very close. He took her death harder than most.” )
- so even though konan wrote a note telling pein that fugaku worked magic on itachi to keep him away from pein- and that konan betrayed pein- and itachi was an innocent victim_ pein still mourns for konan the betrayer and is mad at itachi the victim of his father's magics???? oh well, love is irrational
- why doesn't he just wake his father up and have the joy of killing him.
i'm glad i skipped to the end chapters- this story is way more than i wanted to get involved in. though it looks like you have tens of pages of people who did enjoy it- so congrats on that
( except when someone very dear has passed. He and Konan were very close. He took her death harder than most.” )
- so even though konan wrote a note telling pein that fugaku worked magic on itachi to keep him away from pein- and that konan betrayed pein- and itachi was an innocent victim_ pein still mourns for konan the betrayer and is mad at itachi the victim of his father's magics???? oh well, love is irrational
- why doesn't he just wake his father up and have the joy of killing him.
i'm glad i skipped to the end chapters- this story is way more than i wanted to get involved in. though it looks like you have tens of pages of people who did enjoy it- so congrats on that
schedule
June 18, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I very rarely find a story so enticing that I must read it more than once. In fact, right now, there are only 2 stories I have found that I must read every 1-2 months, and Midnight Memories has now been added to that short list. I am a little sad that there wasn't as much sex, but the storyline was so amazing, fascinating, solid, I hardly mind. Thank you for writing one of THOSE stories, and sharing it so that I could read it.
schedule
May 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I would write this to you in an email rather than a review, because seriously, my commentary does not just pertain this particular story. I've read through 99% of your stories so far and i've been able to conclude a couple of things. First of all. You are Awesome. Yes. YOU. You're an amazing writer and your stories are proof of that. Reading Weight of the Heart had me depressed for DAYS of how awesome it was. Im shitty with remembering titles but so far i havent read a single line of your work and thought i was getting bored. Since i have no idea what would raise your ego, i can only say that Im craving more from you the same way a coke addict craves coke from her dealer. Yes, it is That bad.
As I'm not quite sure what else to add im going to leave it at this.
Just to summarize it.
-You are Awesome.
-Your stories are awesome.
-And i want more.
<3~ Your selfproclaimed no.1 fan.
As I'm not quite sure what else to add im going to leave it at this.
Just to summarize it.
-You are Awesome.
-Your stories are awesome.
-And i want more.
<3~ Your selfproclaimed no.1 fan.
schedule
May 15, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I only just finished chapter 7, but I HAD to review what I've read so far. This is...beautiful! It's an amazingly wonderful thing to find authors with the kind of talent you possess. It breaks my heart every time Sasuke loses Naruto, but the connection between the two... It defies description. I feel horrible for them both, and at the same time, I'm cheering the boys on.
I have no idea how you managed to keep them IC in a AU story so different from the actual Naruto story, but you have, and it's amazing, and I already know I won't be able to go to bed until I've finished this story.
I have no idea how you managed to keep them IC in a AU story so different from the actual Naruto story, but you have, and it's amazing, and I already know I won't be able to go to bed until I've finished this story.