rate_review Reviews

I think you should just stick to 'Fucking' as changing it now will just change the way the story flows as it is read. You should us words that you think will read well as if you change every word that offends someone then it will end up not being your story. I am really enjoying this story so far, looking forward to your next chapter.

After reading your AN I had to reply to what Kat said. This is your story
and you can use any analogy you want to use this is a sci-fi story that means that a lot of guys are the dominant ones and guys don't use
gentle words like love-making or any other word but fucking. Most of us got what you were trying to say and got on with their lives hell all of us use fuck and have heard the word fuck it's a common thing to hear and say involing sex it implies that what is being done has a no strings attached.

I just have to chime in each chapter about how wonderful this story is - so nicely written and I love sci-fi. I think (just my opinion) the use of the word fuck is fine and it's been obvious to me by the context what was meant by it. [don't change your work for the readers - you are too good as you are~~~]

THANKS for sharing your work~!

Okay so I read this last night and wanted to leave a long review, but couldn't. So I waited until today and I'm glad I did because I got myself together. I was just a little upset about the "critiques" you've been receiving, more like criticism if you ask me, so if you will allow me I'm going to have my own little fangril rant moment...mkay??

Okay to those of you who are "offended" by the word FUCK...what the hell are you doing reading stories on this site???

Seriously this is Adult Fanfiction, not Fanfiction, hence the need for an age varification page. You must expect that you will see words, like fuck, cock, prick, ass, shit and on occassion fuckity fuck fuck..yep you will because all of us authors have used those words in our stories.

To the author, please stop listening to people who are so demanding and at times demeaning....who cares what they want from your story?? This is YOUR story YOU can do whatever you want with it....if you want to have Naruto run around in a dress for the rest of the story those of us who like your passion for writing and can see beyond semantics will continue to read it.

We can't always please everyone and really you should be writing to please yourself, this is your art and you should not compromise ever...so what if you lose a few readers? If in the end you are happy with your final product do you really care that 2 or 3 readers didn't see it to completion?? I hope not.

Okay on to my review...I'm starting to love your little knife....he's just a bit of Sasuke a bit of Naruto and the boy is just so darn cute....I'm so glad that he heard Naruto talk to him about the loss of his collar. I know he saw that thing as part of his identity, but he is so much more than an engineered fighter, and hopefully he will learn that Sasuke and Naruto value him for the person he is.

I am biting my nails about Kabuto and Oro joining the story...I just don't deal well with angst. I'm still wondering what the collector might want to collect from the boys....by the way the whole StarTrek way of telling your story fits. In my HO we don't need for you to go into great detail, we more than likely will figure out things as we read....we did for the e-machine and a few other things.

Thanks for the review.
your faithful fan,
kanazerosukenaru

I say that you should stick with the 'Star Trek' method. While you have been incorporating some futuristic technology into the story it has never been so far out in left field that the reader was completely unable to wrap their minds around it. Also, your context clues seem to be more than enough. By describing how a character is implementing a new device the reader is able to determine the relative dementions and purpose of said device. Anything more seems like needless exposition to me.
As for the other part...
It really depends on the situation in which you use the term. Fucking seems adequate for the majority of the time, but if you wanted to incorporate some other terms for variety's sake them you might try private time or alone time if characters are referring to other characters having sex. Another option could be to state why they are having sex instead of saying that they are fucking. You could use references to working off stress, helping someone relax, or comforting another character. The last one would be especially useful in describing some of Sasuke and Naruto's encounters.

Just wanted to let you know I love that you used Sumaru I had forgotten all about him ... I admit it took me a minute to figure out who he was but the ending of this last chapter, the song, it got me thinking and I remembered the Star (Natsuhiboshi). Now everything you've mentioned about him makes since. Oh and a side note: Birthday Parties using the desk is a perfect way to both offset the past and separate the old Uchiha from the new.

Please don't change YOUR words. I fell in love with YOUR story just as it is written:)

Seriously, I don't mind the word "fucking." I understood right away that you did not mean for it to be crude, but rather like an everyday word, in other words no big deal. Personally, I would prefer if you kept it that way because "ferking" or "firking" sounds a bit too weird :S

But of course it's all up to you :)

Hi! I love this fic, it is really very excellent. And I want to particularly stress how happy I am to see a very natural, well-written NaruSasuNaru. Your universe is very interesting, as well, but I would suggest changing your summary to include definitions of some terms in your universe, as well as an explicitly stated NaruSasuNaru, KakaIru warning.
Now, as far as the technical aspect is concerned , you serious should look into finding synonyms to the word 'fucking'. I can see Narut ususing it, but Iruka??? and Sasuke!!!??? During a formal introduction of a new crew member? Not possible. They could call in intercourse, intimate, services, sex-but not fucking. It is a vulgar word, and Both Sasuke and Iruka have to be fairly formal in a lot of instances. Another word that really needs a synonym is 'coping'. You use it far too frequently to mean things for which coping is not really an appropriate word choice. 'Dealing with something', 'being able to stand something', 'accomodating', 'getting used to' are a few choices you have got. Another little thing I want to point out in the spirit of sci-fi realism is having genes in one's blood (latest chapter). Blood can contain foreign cells or proteins. Proteins make more sense in your story. But blood does not contain genes.
The literary aspect of the fic earns you a lot of praise. It is original, new and in many ways great.
Future action that I am looking forward to includes the epic battle with Itachi. I also hope for a happy ending he did not get in the manage/anime. You mentioned a gene bank with frozen zygotes. I think Itachi deserves a second chance at life with a happy childhood and Kisame deserves a partner capable of love. And I am sure Iruka would love having a kid to raise and pamper. I also hope that the boys do wait longer than a standard before they themselves reproduce-just because the Uchiha organization needs to be completely re-fromed. There is reputation and respect to be re-established, enemies to control and finaces to secure. That takes years and fututre Uchiah heirs should hot be dumped on Iruka. It is considerably better than wet nurses, nannies and babysitters, but it isn't the same as having parents there for you.
Personally, I am also hankering for some het pairing development. There are very few solid fics that can combine slash romance with het romance, but I think you can do it and do it well. Seeing Jiraiya and Tsunade interact would be great. Also, I think it would be very in character - not to mention a great potential comic relief - if Jiraiya decided to cat on Tsunade's all-female ship for a division or two! Oh! and the possibilities with the crew on that ship. Please consider Temari,Tayuya and TenTen at least. On that note, given Rin's recent remark, will the household/crew ever be ready for a female cat? I personally think that Moegi and Konohamaru are fairly adorable together. Suigetsu and Karin are a scream as well. I will keep my fingers crossed that they will make an appearance!
In addition to action-whic I think you have got nice and brewing-I personally also place a lot of value in character development. So far, Ibiki is a dark horse - who is he, why is he so lonely, etc. I was also hoping you will consider rewarding him with a companion - Anko, maybe? She is one kick-ass addition to the Unchiha household. I admit that I think him falling for her and courting her might develop into the most entertaining mind game. the main point here is the midngame aspect, fo course. It could even turn int a romantic mystery. OOOh,the possibilities! Another flat character as of now is Shino. What is up with his red lipstick obsession and is it that, while he was surprising generous of a lover with Shikamaru, he was such a dick to Konohamaru, especially seeing how he never catted for anyone. What are his goal, his aspiration, his familial obligation and expectation? Are there some feelings or jealousy issues due to Shika and Neji's developing relationship? And speaking of Neji., I am dying t ohear his back story-the good, the bad and the ugly- and see how Shakamaru helps heal those scars and rehabilitate Neji. And how is Iruka feeling in light of Kakashi being reminded of Obito? Does he have any hagging insecurities? I also secretly hope to see Iruka holding his own to Kakashi in the bedroom. Mosty fics portray him as a perpetual uke. But I think that Iruka can be uncompromizing and manipulative. Guess I just think Iruka deserves some lovin' after being thought of as a woman by some snotty-nosed newcomers! Go Iruka!
Update soon!
~Kat

I got a bit scared at the end of that chapter >.>
I hope to get more of this boy and his mom's story