rate_review Reviews

OMG- just when i think you can't make your characters any more fuc-ed up; any more psycho; any more doing stupid shit for love.....these guys are so fuc-ed up. it makes for entertaining reading, that's for sure.

i laughed out loud at reading this part after it's big build up to it:

(Naruto crushed their lips together to silence him. Sasuke had figured it would have been a toss-up between that or being throttled. Luckily, his gamble paid off).

i'm kind of reading this story out of order because i can't remember where i left off- so i've read a lot of the later chapters before this one. naruto alludes to the fact that sasuke hasn't told him that he loves him. they've been together for so many years and the love is obvious- but sasuke really hasn't said it? how dumb is he. he's supposed to know how to 'play' naruto---so why doesn't he know that naruto wants to hear him say 'i love you'? it seems kind of obvious. he can even fool himself into believing he's saying it for the sake of 'playing' naruto- yeah, these characters have issues

great reading though- so intense. i feel so badly for these characters. i kinda just want sakura and fugaku to die in a car accident or something- so naruto and sasuke can be together without all these very painful complications.

one of the best things i've read was the part about sasuke loving all the parts of naruto. naruto tries to bury his darkness and rage and sasuke loves that part of naruto as much as he does the 'boy scout' parts of naruto. maybe naruto embracing sasuke (who is lots of darkness) is his way of loving the dark parts of himself as well?

you should get paid for this stuff. thanks for sharing.

i started reading the first chapters again. they're more entertaining the 2nd time around. read them with more clarity and understanding- now that i know what happens or comes of these earlier circumstances.

("You're not in love with me. You only think you are because you have some kind of pathological need to justify the fact that you like to fuck me. Now what you need to do is get a grip, because if you can't handle this arrangement, I'll find someone else who can!") does sasuke really believe he doesn't love naruto? if only naruto had stopped here and made sasuke stick to his words/arrangement. would have saved lots of pain and years- story would have been a lot shorter and less entertaining; but the characters would have suffered less. or if only sasuke had listened to the greatest advice naruto gave: 'does sakura know it's a business arrangement'....if sasuke had the balls to at least admit to the girl she'd be marrying into a business arrangement and not love or a relationship- this would have taken no courage at all compared to what happens later.

i can't believe i forgot this. sakura is the evil one. she is the one playing the players. and for her to play victim to naruto and make him almost die of guilt-- in a later review i said i hoped fugaku and sakura would die in a car accident so naruto and sasuke could have a happy ending---but with this chapter i find i'm validated in that wish--they actually do deserve to die for what they did to sasuke, naruto and her own parents- the evil, evil bitch...

i can't believe that you keep on coming up with more ways of making this story go on that isn't boring. naruto says no. naruto says yes. sasuke manipulates. lather/rinse/repeat. you are a good story teller.

i just can't believe that after sakura's manipulations and cheating her father out of his own company- that she still pretends to be the victim. and ino still consoling her when the 'papers' are signed is absolute bull shit. she deserves no consolation- no one to complain to. she made this bed and made them all lie in it.....please kill her horribly at the end.

this was a very well written and exciting chapter- filled with lots of drama and psychotic and lying, etc...you did a wonderful job with the dialogs and making the characters out to be the good or crazy fuc-s they'e supposed to be. but i've gotta vent on some of the characters' actions_ not that you're writing is wrong- i just hate what they did. i understand you have them do these things to make the story exciting and etc...
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("All you can go on about is 'team seven, team seven, team seven! Just shut up about it already! We were in that stupid group for a year to do community service; and the only reason you were even with me and Sasuke, was because we were the only ones smart enough to balance your deadweight. So just shut up about it!" The cafeteria was silent as she fled the room, leaving the flabbergasted boys behind.)-------
-----sakura might as well have said that naruto does not belong with sasuke and her and that he's constantly in the way. she discovered that sasuke did not tell her he switched his college away from harvard--he is going to college with naruto instead. thank god they will be free of her for at least 4 years....and then naruto is the one who goes and apologizes to her and makes her feel better--she never does anything halfway as good or nice for him as he does for her. he goes out of his way for her why she goes out of her way to impose on him.

you dropped lots of hints in this chapter about sasuke and naruto together forever. going on without sakura- and the bitch is blind to anything but her own sick fantasy. sasuke turned her confession down using naruto's 'nicer' let down even....and instead of getting her own life while away at college_ she continued to obsess and plot ways to take sasuke for her own. i think she is seriously sick in the head like psychologically- sasuke should have taken out a restraining order long ago. to bad she didn't die in a horrible plane crash on the way to harvard.
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("Not everything I do or say is a calculated attempt to get into your pants, Naruto. I just thought you'd enjoy the expo. I was being friendly. But I guess you can't make new friends either, because that would be cheating on your married lover."))__________and neji trying to manipulate naruto while he says he's not. he is not nearly friends enough with naruto to be saying these kinds of things to naruto. the only reason to say such things is to push naruto's buttons and manipulate him. most of your characters are so smart in some ways and so dumb and blind in others- and not subtle so but blaringly, obliviously delusional. why is it that the only time you have naruto see through people playing him it's only sasuke..
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(naruto asks sasuke about their first meeting on the swings- if he remembers)::..

The ensuing silence seemed to stretch indefinitely; before Naruto stirred himself."Okay…" For a moment more, that was all he could get out. "I have to go.""This is stupid, Naruto. Don't get upset over this-"
They had only been kids; he couldn't honestly expect Sasuke to attach the same deep, emotional meaning to the moment as he did. -------------
----------------------how can sasuke be so stupid- he knows from years of experience that this is exactly the type of thing that would upset naruto. their first meeting and sasuke doesn't expect naruto to think it's important emotionally- sasuke should damn well think it- he's been hanging on and begging naruto to stay with him for years and wants no one else___so everything naruto; and especially their 'firsts' should be damn important....it's this kind of behavior and dismissal that will send him to get used by neji.
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(But he doesn't see me. I don't exist, I'm nothing to him. I dress like this and tell my husband that I'm going out, don't know when I'll come back and…nothing. What am I supposed to do? What's left?")

----she went to harvard. how dumb is she. after all these years and all the horrible manipulations and begging and hurting other people you've done to try to get him---and he still doesn't see you. it's because he doesn't want to---the easiest/simplest answer is usually the correct answer. what's she supposed to do? leave and cut your losses and try to get a real life for once. god please kill her.
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("You're friend is fucking with my friend. And not in the good, wholesome way that is enhanced with the use of toys, as nature intended; but in a bad way."

"And by friends, you'd be talking about…"

"Sakura and Sasuke, you Ken doll. Sasuke is screwing with her head, and you need to stop it."


"She's breaking down, Naruto; and I feel powerless to stop it, so I'm asking you. I know there may be nothing you can do, but please try. She's our friend; we can't let this destroy her.): but sakura has been fucking with sasuke's head since the beginning. the only reason she's crazy is because sasuke isn't falling for her lies and manipulations_ that makes him smart..so ino doesn't want sakura destroyed because she's their friend; but in doing this ino is willingly helping to destroy sasuke_who is also supposed to be their friend. so kill ino, kill ino, kill ino, kill ino-----------

the above stuff from ino made me see RED. sakura just told her that she's going to go off birth control and have sasuke get her pregnant against his will- just like she got him to marry her against his will.
i thought this would be the last straw that would send ino to sasuke or naruto and fess up about sakura's manipulations. or at the very least warn them about the birth control. instead she goes in there like sasuke is the one who is causing all the problems. like sasuke is the crazy one and he's driving sakura crazy. and then she uses naruto like sakura has been using naruto....feeding him bullshit and telling him to go to sasuke and make it right----which really means that she wants naruto to shake sasuke up enough so that sakura can manipulate him completely and play his life like a puppet master. it's not sasuke that's driving sakura crazy---it's sakura's obsession with sasuke that's driving sakura crazy_and ino is helping to fan the flames by doing this. it makes me want to think that sakura put her up to it as part of her plan. because you originally had her thinking that the birth control switch was way overboard- that's what i thought she was going to warn naruto about- but it wasn't....so now you must kill ino along with sakura and fugaku. i can get her keeping her friends HORRIBLE secrets to a point- but now her crazy friend wants to bring an innocent baby life into her crazy, loveless marriage....I HATE INO TOO. not because she supports her friend- but she should know when to stop her friend for her own good and the good of others before she hurts them worse. so, yeah- kill ino.--------------------

whew! lots of steam to blow off this chapter_ stop your characters from getting me so worked up....

had to use made up email to see if i could post twice

i had to fast forward through lots of this. it's not been 2 months and you have naruto already fucking neji on their first sexual encounter___and according to your writing they were still in the friend phase- so there's been no dating. naruto was with sasuke more than a decade? and to have him fucking some other guy so soon disgusts me....sorry. sasuke only did sakura on the honeymoon and was never with another man and doesn't want to be with any other man or person other than naruto--so to me this is like naruto betraying sasuke. and it's so soon that it's definitely a rebound. and neji is obviously familiar ground for naruto because he's a lot like sasuke. naruto's even said they were alike. and then naruto has the balls to say that the sex was just about them- the fact that he had to verbalize proves it a lie to try to convince himself

of course it was well written and great dialog, etc....but it doesn't mean i gotta like what you have the characters doing

("I give you a key to my home, something I never do, something I never imagined I'd do in this lifetime,)

you have them exchanging apartment keys after not quite 1 or 1 month of dating-according to neji's timeline. that's so fucking wrong.

for naruto to let neji stay in the room while he and sasuke talked was unclassy behavior of a hyuuga-unfitting. and then after he heard the juiciest parts he only went to the kitchen; where he could still hear it. naruto has so little disregard for sasuke that he makes sasuke show the sasuke he only shows naruto in front of other people- another person naruto is fucking. that just isn't right.

("He won't tell anyone, Sasuke." Naruto's quiet statement pulled Sasuke's attention yet again. "He gave his word and I'll vouch for it.)-----

and that isn't exactly true either- because neji threatened to 'out' sasuke at a gala with the governor and heads of business and all sorts of important people.


the wonderful thing about this chapter came with sasuke finding the files on sakura's notebook...i can't believe she stuck around as long as she did after he found these_ but the chapters were entertaining_ if i were sasuke i'd have her heavily insured and then have her 'taken care of' permanently. he'd be a grieving widower. but then the story would have ended sooner
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( "I convinced Fugaku-sama to agree to our marriage, providing I gave him some key inside information to acquire my family's company.")___

this was an amazing and exciting chapter- i was hoping for different choices/outcomes. I would like to have seen sasuke deliver the proof of sakura selling out her own father's company go public- newspapers, news shows, the securities exchange comission. i'd like to see sakura go to jail for insider trading, breaking confidentiality agreements by giving away company secrets, disowned by her father- maybe her father killing himself because of what his daughter did and leaving a note blaming it on her. i would like to have seen sasuke threaten and control his father with this information_ but sasuke was a pussy even when he had the gun to his father's head with those emails. daddy said 'i care' and sasuke cries for daddy and forgets a lifetime of repression, hiding his true self and being sold off. and being homosexual for a low or middle class person may be dangerous- but for someone as rich as the uchias_ it's posh and vogue. and what's with fugaku saying he wanted to raise his chidlren like he was raised- he wants to keep his family in the feudal age; but knows how important it is for a business to adapt to the times, change with the times- otherwise it will not grow_ it will wither and die---the same goes for families. and no one who cares or who would be able to tell anyone who cared wouldn't know whether or not sakura and sasuke were living seaparately. they don't have dinner parties. they don't go to functions together. they aren't the president and first lady for christ sakes....

it's obvious you went with the ways that would keep the conflict going, make the story longer, make characters suffer more, etc.....but i just wanted to see fugaku and sakura suffer for what they did to sasuke/naruto and her dad. now sasuke actually has the ammunition to take them down; negotiate for what he wants- he has all the power now and he gave it back to his god damned father.
and aren't you a girl. i can't believe you had mikoto excused from that discussion. not only was it disregarding her importance as a member of the family, as a mother, a wife_ but as a woman. she has the right to know this and she should have the opportunity to make fugaku suffer for it- and sasuke would have her on his side= sasuke and her may even be able to take the company away from fugaku.
i wanted blood and revenge like naruto. but you as an author who wanted a longer story with more 'stuff' in it chose another way. it was written wonderfully; but i don't have to like it.
thanks.

i'm guessing you had all the shitty things or incomplete or inadequate actions take place the last couple of chapters because you were saving all the good moments and lines for this chapter....wow this chapter is AWESOME_ your dialog is always good- but in this chapter it is fo filled with the emotion that goes with it, it packs a more powerful punch. so many good lines/dialogs in this chapter.
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(You need to wake up and start realizing that you're an adult and that you deserve to be treated like one. You're a man, Sasuke- it's time you act like it.")--

---i felt both vindicated and cheated when i read kiba's dialog here. when you had naruto say his age to kakashi- it made me realize again that these guys are 25 and 26 and sasuke should not be needing daddy. he's old enough to be a daddy himself. that he cotows and kneels and bows and fears his father as a child instead of a 26 year old man kind of disgusts me. I was going to tell you that sasuke needs to man up---and then you had kiba come in and say it all to sasuke much better than i ever could. liked it very much.
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(("It would be harder, I guess, making you love me again." Sasuke's voiced hitched as he spoke. "Because I have absolutely no clue what I did to make you love me in the first place."))

how beautiful is that- pretty damn beautiful....made my eyes go misty. the 'wind' stuff was nice too.
((You're still the wind."Naruto felt his heart stop))
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AND THE DIALOG OF THE YEAR AWARD GOES TO:::

(( When you're gone, it feels like there's a part of me missing; and everything's just empty and cold, and nothing fills that space, no matter how I try."

Sasuke paused, shoulders stooped, actually panting with the alien effort of baring his emotions. He was grateful for the cover of rain, but swiped self-consciously at his eyes anyway. "Is that it? Is that right? Is that the way it feels when you're not with the person you love?"

"Yeah…" Naruto whispered, voice breaking in the middle of the simple word. "Something like that."
"Oh," Sasuke responded softly, a small smile of relief as he straightened to his full height. "That's good to know, because at a time like this, I don't want either of us to misunderstand anything."))

(("I would never say it unless I was sure, Naruto. I've done a lot of things I wish I could take back, but I'm a little better now, and I think I've grown up enough to finally admit that you're the person most important to me. I took too long to wake up and realize what's been staring me in the face all this time. But it's not too late for me to tell you, is it Naruto? You'll let me say it now, and maybe accept my feelings?"

"Say what, Sasuke?" Naruto stared down into the dark, earnest eyes and waited. What he was waiting for, he wasn't sure, finding himself suspended between fear and eternal hope.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Sasuke started, heart feeling as if it was trembling in his chest as he prepared to take a blind leap of faith. The world flew apart and reshaped itself in the moment it took for Sasuke to draw in a shaky breath. "Naruto…"

"I love you…"))
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the dialog leading up to the above was really great---and then the part above was just brilliant. for this character to be able to verbalize this after all the years he's been with naruto. for a character who was so against verbalizing or couldn't verbalize his love or didn't know he was 'in love'---it was a really great moment.

((Whatever it is that needs done, I can do it))___except pass a written test.


i don't know what makes naruto qualified for the job other than he knows other leaders through his travels and his adoptive mother/sensei. i think you had him go to school in this story. i don't recall him having a major or a degree in anything. i don't recall him having any job. and he admitted neji was a rebound just like i said in a review earlier. i liked neji's words and actions this chapter- you really evolved his character this chap. you really evolved sasuke's character this chap. naruto got 2 things he wanted: the job and sasuke to say 'i love you'_ but he still refuses sasuke_ even after all the sacrifices and pain they went through to be 2gether----so hating naruto. you had sakura tell 'the story' to a room full of strangers- confidential hyuuga and uchia business and personal life information: i really don't think that should have happened. i still want sakura and fugaku to suffer for what they put naruto and sasuke through. and even through all sasuke's sacrifices, suffering and pain- he still doesn't have naruto. you've been terribly hard on sasuse this story and this chapter. and you've let all the other characters off easy.
the hyuuga business thing is unusual- i know you're trying to stick to canon by keeping the branch family as 2nd class citizens. but you're writing a modern story. what kind of politically correct businesses would want to do business with a clan that discriminates among its own blood lines. it should be a civil rights issue if they're doing business outside of the clan. like the u.s. gov't wouldn't do business with them because they have slaves (that's what you had neji refer to them as).
i re-read the entire story today- old chapters and the newer ones. i couldn't stop it was so good- and i wished there was more to read cause it's only 9pm.
thanks for sharing. hope to read you later.

I seriously CANNOT get enough of this story! I totally like it! I like the way you write dialogues and descriptions! You manage to convey so much through them. And I also like the tention you have managed to create! It is awesome!!! The plot is wonderful, actually I was looking for that kind of story! I am so happy you are wtiting it!!! IT IS AWESOME!!! Hm, I guess I repeat myself.. But anyway, I'll be looking forw to read MORE!
I like the Uchiha's sufferings a lot, I am glad Uzumaki finally got the job he was worth of, and I pity Neji a bit... But still - wonderful fic and wonderful chap!!!
Thanks a lot for your time and effort!!!

Your with hugs 7T