schedule
June 29, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Loved it.... Nice one
schedule
January 17, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I can not find the cut scenes on you live account and was also wondering why you cut them out. Could you maybe send me a link to the cut scenes? other then that I love the story and your other one Its a seme world!
schedule
November 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
The formatting got a little messed up when you posted. Also, beta needed.
Other than that, story sounds promising.
Other than that, story sounds promising.
schedule
November 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Why would you cut the scene on adultfanfiction? It's allowed here. It's part of the reason many of us come here. I wouldn't mind going to livejournal to read the edits, except that most of your stories are for friends (as you said) and I don't have or want a livejournal account. Why not open the stories to all access by putting them here, so you can get more traffic?
I'm disappointed.
I'm disappointed.
schedule
November 17, 2012 at 12:00 AM
So let me tell you why I'm so disappointed.
The story is a fun premise, the whole Master/servant theme. Those are always enjoyable.
You have some really great humor; the bathroom scene with Sai was fantastic.
While I think the Naruto character is the typical one-dimensional fanfic dobe, the Sasuke character has a unique flavor to him in which he's a little more bold than usual, and the openness of his sexuality (as well as his willingness to use it-- often) adds some complexity to the character.
However, multiple spelling mistakes, misused words, and bad formatting aside, taking out the sex scenes from a yaoi smutfic has left my entire experience with this story in a state of anti-climactic, unfulfilled dissatisfaction.
To be honest, despite the fact that I would probably enjoy reading this story to the end, I don't even want to finish it, or even read any of your other stories because I'm just going to be left yearning for gratification.
Not to mention how confused I am over the reason you would remove sex scenes from an adult site. On ff.net, I totally understand. It's against the rules there. But this site is built for smut. I am simply befuddled at your choice. Use the site for what it offers, or at the very least, don't force your readers to go join an alternative site in order to read the full stories (i.e. make them available to more than just livejournal "friends").
One more note of critique for future stories (or stories you plan to have beta'd): don't put author's notes in the middle of your story. Using parentheses to offer an explanation is breaking the 4th wall. While that can be fun in film, it's absolutely terrible for written work as it completely disrupts the flow of your story and forces your readers to work to re-immerse themselves after being violently ripped out of the fiction. Use footnotes and put your explanation at the end.
The story is a fun premise, the whole Master/servant theme. Those are always enjoyable.
You have some really great humor; the bathroom scene with Sai was fantastic.
While I think the Naruto character is the typical one-dimensional fanfic dobe, the Sasuke character has a unique flavor to him in which he's a little more bold than usual, and the openness of his sexuality (as well as his willingness to use it-- often) adds some complexity to the character.
However, multiple spelling mistakes, misused words, and bad formatting aside, taking out the sex scenes from a yaoi smutfic has left my entire experience with this story in a state of anti-climactic, unfulfilled dissatisfaction.
To be honest, despite the fact that I would probably enjoy reading this story to the end, I don't even want to finish it, or even read any of your other stories because I'm just going to be left yearning for gratification.
Not to mention how confused I am over the reason you would remove sex scenes from an adult site. On ff.net, I totally understand. It's against the rules there. But this site is built for smut. I am simply befuddled at your choice. Use the site for what it offers, or at the very least, don't force your readers to go join an alternative site in order to read the full stories (i.e. make them available to more than just livejournal "friends").
One more note of critique for future stories (or stories you plan to have beta'd): don't put author's notes in the middle of your story. Using parentheses to offer an explanation is breaking the 4th wall. While that can be fun in film, it's absolutely terrible for written work as it completely disrupts the flow of your story and forces your readers to work to re-immerse themselves after being violently ripped out of the fiction. Use footnotes and put your explanation at the end.
schedule
November 11, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really liked the contract it seemed very realist.
schedule
November 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chap. 5 Happy again hehe
Had to pop over here to read this chap again....the other story where Sasuke adopts Naruto just irritated me so badly and I really wanted to see someone run over him so I could dance on his grave....but changed my mind and left it to come over to this story ....I like Sasuke much better in this one! :)
Had to pop over here to read this chap again....the other story where Sasuke adopts Naruto just irritated me so badly and I really wanted to see someone run over him so I could dance on his grave....but changed my mind and left it to come over to this story ....I like Sasuke much better in this one! :)
schedule
November 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chap. 8
The chat over buns and coffee and if Naruto wanted some just had me laughing and grinning like an idiot!! LOVED IT!! :) ehehheh SWEET
The chat over buns and coffee and if Naruto wanted some just had me laughing and grinning like an idiot!! LOVED IT!! :) ehehheh SWEET
schedule
November 24, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chap. 9
The conversation the other employees heard going on in Sasuke's office had me laughing my head off!! This chapter was AWSOME!! LOVE IT!! Oh and the shock of Itachi showing up was just like OH MY GOSH!! WHAT DID HE SEE?? EEEKKKKKK So embarassing!!!
The conversation the other employees heard going on in Sasuke's office had me laughing my head off!! This chapter was AWSOME!! LOVE IT!! Oh and the shock of Itachi showing up was just like OH MY GOSH!! WHAT DID HE SEE?? EEEKKKKKK So embarassing!!!
schedule
November 19, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Chap. 6
I think Sasuke is going to kill him!! LOL
I think Sasuke is going to kill him!! LOL