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January 25, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Heh. I could sort of tell you'd rewritten this latest chapter a bunch of times. There were some odd grammatical mistakes: "the voice was clam and smooth" [calm] "before moving to the bad and staring down at the clothes he had laid out for himself" [bed]. No big deal, but it was somewhat unusual for you. :)
I was glad you did a "zest" instead of a lemon, actually. With the seriousness of a funeral about to start, a big old lemon would have felt a little out of place given the context. Not to mention, narratively speaking, with everything else that was supposed to happen in the chapter, that kind of detour might have messed up the pacing of the chapter. We are happy to wait for a lemon for another, better time, and can survive without one if you choose not to do one at all. :)
From the previous chapter, I was touched by the gifts Sasuke chose to give his friends. He really put a lot of thought and effort into each one, and it showed how much they meant to him as people. After the last chapter, it didn't seem out of place that Sasuke would loudly declare to Itachi how much his friends mean to him.
As for Naruto, I really like the fact that he didn't suddenly realize that he'd secretly been in love with Sasuke the whole time but just never knew it until after Sasuke "died." That would have been cheap and also made Naruto look stupid. Naruto clearly loves Sasuke (I melted with his sweet “I will always forgive you.” That's SO Naruto), but now maybe he can slowly start falling in love with him for real. The fact that Naruto made an effort to (publicly) restrain his grief out of respect for Sasuke's memory instead of flying off the handle (as one might expect from Naruto), I thought, showed that Naruto had gained some maturity from everything that's happened. Maybe now he'll be able to realize (or perhaps he already has) that his breakup with Kiba wasn't the end of the world, that there are other things worse than what happened between them, as bad as it was.
I really didn't expect Sasuke to have been exposed so quickly. I suppose it's a good thing since his friends will be able to forgive him more easily now than if a lot of time had passed. I love the fact that this fic keeps me on my toes. :)
I was glad you did a "zest" instead of a lemon, actually. With the seriousness of a funeral about to start, a big old lemon would have felt a little out of place given the context. Not to mention, narratively speaking, with everything else that was supposed to happen in the chapter, that kind of detour might have messed up the pacing of the chapter. We are happy to wait for a lemon for another, better time, and can survive without one if you choose not to do one at all. :)
From the previous chapter, I was touched by the gifts Sasuke chose to give his friends. He really put a lot of thought and effort into each one, and it showed how much they meant to him as people. After the last chapter, it didn't seem out of place that Sasuke would loudly declare to Itachi how much his friends mean to him.
As for Naruto, I really like the fact that he didn't suddenly realize that he'd secretly been in love with Sasuke the whole time but just never knew it until after Sasuke "died." That would have been cheap and also made Naruto look stupid. Naruto clearly loves Sasuke (I melted with his sweet “I will always forgive you.” That's SO Naruto), but now maybe he can slowly start falling in love with him for real. The fact that Naruto made an effort to (publicly) restrain his grief out of respect for Sasuke's memory instead of flying off the handle (as one might expect from Naruto), I thought, showed that Naruto had gained some maturity from everything that's happened. Maybe now he'll be able to realize (or perhaps he already has) that his breakup with Kiba wasn't the end of the world, that there are other things worse than what happened between them, as bad as it was.
I really didn't expect Sasuke to have been exposed so quickly. I suppose it's a good thing since his friends will be able to forgive him more easily now than if a lot of time had passed. I love the fact that this fic keeps me on my toes. :)
schedule
January 24, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I loved this chapter. And I think Itachi coming out in the middle of the funeral is the kinda of cocky thing he would do. I was actually happy he come and ruin Sasuke's plans. :) So you need to write a Lemon, you're Zest is great! Thanks!
schedule
January 24, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I don't think it was a stupid thing at all... Itachi is pretty singularly obsessed with Sasuke so to see him alive at hsi own funeral... might set the crazy in him off. ;0) I liked it and I loved the sweet moment with Gaara and Neji.
schedule
January 24, 2011 at 12:00 AM
hmm I disagree with the whole Itachi revealing himself thing..well.. depending on what "type" of Itachi you're going for, If its the slightly deranged one we thought he was(from the beginning of the series/manga) then I don't think that "type" would actually care and be too focused on teaching "his" Sasuke a lesson
If your Itachi is supposedly a cool think then yea.. he wouldn't have revealled himself
then again he wanted everyone to know that Sasuke was alive right? so in that sense I'd say that its the slightly deranged Itachi you were going for?
well that's just my opinion I loved and I really don't think you need to change it unless you really really want to
If your Itachi is supposedly a cool think then yea.. he wouldn't have revealled himself
then again he wanted everyone to know that Sasuke was alive right? so in that sense I'd say that its the slightly deranged Itachi you were going for?
well that's just my opinion I loved and I really don't think you need to change it unless you really really want to
schedule
January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
What an emotional chapter. I actually liked this chapter. I wonder what going to happen next.
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
WHOOO!! Best chapter YET! Wonder how Sasuke is doing?
Keep it Up!!!
Keep it Up!!!
schedule
January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
That was SO much worse then I thought. I knew it would be sad... but I CRIED. Sasuke's goodbyes made me cry. I feel so bad for Naruto. How will he deal with watching Naruto suffer?
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January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Action is all good in a story but i find emotion to be more important and sometimes harder to write. You had no problem with that in this story! I was crying all through this chapter!!
Keep of the good work.
Lisa
Keep of the good work.
Lisa
schedule
January 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
OMG!!!!! I WAS LIKE...CRAP UPDATES!!! AND THEN I WAK LIKE NNNNOOOOO!!! THEN THE END I WAS LIKE OMG ITACHI!!!!!
MORE PLEAASSEEEE!!!!!!
MORE PLEAASSEEEE!!!!!!
schedule
January 14, 2011 at 12:00 AM
CRAP! CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!!! At least Shino didn't kill him, and does Shino think he can handle the sort of abuse Naruto has taken at Kiba's hands? how is Kiba going to react knowing Shino knows? Or Sasuke when he finds out what Shino did? This is getting all kinds of tangled. I loved tangled! Keep up the good work.