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December 6, 2011 at 12:00 AM
looking back thru stories and I had to reread this one. looking forward to how the story progresses so I hope you'll be inspired to write more. this story has so much going on and the storyline is so detailed it's a really good read. thanks for sharing!!
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August 24, 2011 at 12:00 AM
So Naruto kills Sasuke after he thought Sakura was killed by Sasuke. When everyone he knows try to figure out what is wrong he closes himself off from everyone. He is used to being alone but now he has a kid to look after what is he going to do now. Michio needs Naruto to be alive but what is this poison that has dropped the Jinchuriki to be this way to everyone.
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April 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
You know I'd love to help you edit more and I will when I get up there. You're a great writer you just have a lot of grammar issues to work out. That said I like the story a lot and can't wait to actually have time to read through it more. But now, duty calls or to be more descriptive- your daughter
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April 29, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This is good and I didn't even remember you saying you had the 3rd chapter up. However I would strongly suggest you have someone help you with the grammar and spelling. IMO it takes away from the story, I'm sorry but it's my opinion. Everything else is fine. You have the scenes well written out and I feel like I'm being pulled in, but you should wrk on the spelling issues so everything is good.
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April 16, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Dang it! That is a good cliffie. I really enjoy this story. I look forward to your next chapter.
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April 15, 2011 at 12:00 AM
The story is truly captivating and you must continue it. But you also must pay attention to writing errors and misspellings. The idea of story is original and you clearly have the “thing” in you that is required to become a writer, even if is an amateur. Follow your intuition, keep your schedule (if it is possible) and write. I will look for your story because I do like it.
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April 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This is a very interesting story. I look forward to seeing what this story becomes. There are a few spelling things here and there. Compashionate should be compassionate, thou should be though, and there is one more, but I can't remember where it was. Have a great day.
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April 7, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Not bad at all, a little trusting of the new ninja, but it's good. Your obviously referencing the danger or someone with Yokai fathering a child, the child having yokai and possibly killing the mother because of this. Haven't really seen that before, so it's an interesting concept. Keep up the great work!
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March 5, 2011 at 12:00 AM
This was a pretty good story and I can't wait to see what you'll come up with next. The action was very good and the dialog wasn't too bad either.