errorYou must be logged in to review this story.
schedule
September 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
It was nice how Sasuke took care of Naruto after he fainted and was able to show him his compassionate side. (I'm sure Naruto was unaware that Sasuke had one! Good for you Sasuke, unwittingly scoring some points with your little crush!)
But wow, Sasuke dodged a bullet there! His explanation for what happened to Naruto and why Naruto fainted was pretty convincing since it *practically* happened like that. Good thing Naruto was smart enough to pick up on the fact that not everything is exactly adding up. But at this stage, he has no reason to mistrust Sasuke and give the whole situation much thought. Of course we all know the shit will eventually hit the fan--because you foreshadowed it, and because some of us read the previous version! The real bitch of the situation is that it will be totally reasonable for Naruto to get upset at being lied to when he discovers the truth, and Sasuke knows it, (not to mention Naruto's homophobia). BUT, it's also totally reasonable for Sasuke not to want to tell him the truth for a while. With the way Naruto acted, I agree with Sasuke 100% that he has a right to lie to Naruto about his sexuality. (In fact, it's not really Naruto's business to know in the first place. I'm still a little confused why Sasuke wanted to tell him. Was it because he was attracted to Naruto and hoping Naruto be interested too, or just because Sasuke simply didn't want to lie about his sexuality with his roommate--even if he'd willingly lie to the rest of the student body about it?)
Need more chapters of this fic! <3 <3 <3
(Hurrah! New chapters of "Yes, Young Master?" Am definitely going to go check it out!)
But wow, Sasuke dodged a bullet there! His explanation for what happened to Naruto and why Naruto fainted was pretty convincing since it *practically* happened like that. Good thing Naruto was smart enough to pick up on the fact that not everything is exactly adding up. But at this stage, he has no reason to mistrust Sasuke and give the whole situation much thought. Of course we all know the shit will eventually hit the fan--because you foreshadowed it, and because some of us read the previous version! The real bitch of the situation is that it will be totally reasonable for Naruto to get upset at being lied to when he discovers the truth, and Sasuke knows it, (not to mention Naruto's homophobia). BUT, it's also totally reasonable for Sasuke not to want to tell him the truth for a while. With the way Naruto acted, I agree with Sasuke 100% that he has a right to lie to Naruto about his sexuality. (In fact, it's not really Naruto's business to know in the first place. I'm still a little confused why Sasuke wanted to tell him. Was it because he was attracted to Naruto and hoping Naruto be interested too, or just because Sasuke simply didn't want to lie about his sexuality with his roommate--even if he'd willingly lie to the rest of the student body about it?)
Need more chapters of this fic! <3 <3 <3
(Hurrah! New chapters of "Yes, Young Master?" Am definitely going to go check it out!)
schedule
September 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Apologies! Couldn't leave you a review for "Yes, Young Master?" at your blog so am doing it here. (Site wanted you to register to leave a comment.) Obviously feel free to delete this review since it's for a different story. Anyway, here's my thoughts on it:
I really like this rewrite of the story. I think the original version had some mysterious aspects to it, but the best part of this rewrite is that it brings the mystery front and center. The first scene draws you in as the reader and makes you wonder what happened, why Naruto would try to kill himself, and why he thinks revealing the truth of whatever happened would buy him a death sentence. The dramatic difference between present-day Naruto and past Naruto is also another thing which pulls you into the story since it makes you instantly curious how Naruto's personality could have changed so much.
I also really like your Iruka. He's smart, no-nonsense, and confident. It's a welcome change from the feminized role he usually plays. (Normally, Kakashi would get cast as this type of character. I'm glad you gave the role to Iruka instead.) One technical detail, however: psychiatrists *are* MDs. (It's psychologists who are PhDs but not MDs.) Psychiatrists can prescribe medications (psychologists can't), so that's part of why they need to go to medical school and get MDs. You can read about it here:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/psychology-vs-psychiatry-which-is-better
I think in a scenario like this one, using a he-said, she-said storytelling technique alternating between Naruto and Sasuke's perspectives is a fantastic idea! Obviously both people have very different perceptions of whatever it was that happened. For some reason, Sasuke, like everyone else in the city, has been led to believe Naruto died. He also, unlike Naruto, thinks whatever it was that happened in the past wasn't something bad, so it's definitely interesting to see how those two very different perspective might have been created.
My only suggestion with all of this is that I think it was a little too much to read the entire scene we first witnessed through Naruto's perspective a second time through Sasuke's POV. I think as readers, once we realize we've already read the scene before, we stop reading altogether and switch to skimming. (Sadly losing out on finer story details in the process.) I would say, whichever character gets to tell his side of it second, rather than rewriting the whole scene over again, to focus only on the parts that are new and the most different because of the change in POV. You can leave the rest out (or briefly summarize it if you're cutting stuff out in the middle of the scene). I think for this chapter, you might have ended Sasuke's POV somewhere around the paragraph where he realizes Naruto is attractive ("The boy also had three small scars on each cheek, making it look as if he had whiskers. It gave him a slightly animalistic look, and Sasuke liked it.") because everything after that was pretty much the same as Naruto's POV, but everything before that was new.
Really looking forward to reading the rest of this story!
I really like this rewrite of the story. I think the original version had some mysterious aspects to it, but the best part of this rewrite is that it brings the mystery front and center. The first scene draws you in as the reader and makes you wonder what happened, why Naruto would try to kill himself, and why he thinks revealing the truth of whatever happened would buy him a death sentence. The dramatic difference between present-day Naruto and past Naruto is also another thing which pulls you into the story since it makes you instantly curious how Naruto's personality could have changed so much.
I also really like your Iruka. He's smart, no-nonsense, and confident. It's a welcome change from the feminized role he usually plays. (Normally, Kakashi would get cast as this type of character. I'm glad you gave the role to Iruka instead.) One technical detail, however: psychiatrists *are* MDs. (It's psychologists who are PhDs but not MDs.) Psychiatrists can prescribe medications (psychologists can't), so that's part of why they need to go to medical school and get MDs. You can read about it here:
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/psychology-vs-psychiatry-which-is-better
I think in a scenario like this one, using a he-said, she-said storytelling technique alternating between Naruto and Sasuke's perspectives is a fantastic idea! Obviously both people have very different perceptions of whatever it was that happened. For some reason, Sasuke, like everyone else in the city, has been led to believe Naruto died. He also, unlike Naruto, thinks whatever it was that happened in the past wasn't something bad, so it's definitely interesting to see how those two very different perspective might have been created.
My only suggestion with all of this is that I think it was a little too much to read the entire scene we first witnessed through Naruto's perspective a second time through Sasuke's POV. I think as readers, once we realize we've already read the scene before, we stop reading altogether and switch to skimming. (Sadly losing out on finer story details in the process.) I would say, whichever character gets to tell his side of it second, rather than rewriting the whole scene over again, to focus only on the parts that are new and the most different because of the change in POV. You can leave the rest out (or briefly summarize it if you're cutting stuff out in the middle of the scene). I think for this chapter, you might have ended Sasuke's POV somewhere around the paragraph where he realizes Naruto is attractive ("The boy also had three small scars on each cheek, making it look as if he had whiskers. It gave him a slightly animalistic look, and Sasuke liked it.") because everything after that was pretty much the same as Naruto's POV, but everything before that was new.
Really looking forward to reading the rest of this story!
schedule
September 5, 2011 at 12:00 AM
faster... must rewrite faster!!! I've read farther along and want to knowwwww what's next!!! really great story :)
schedule
August 11, 2011 at 12:00 AM
i love this story! i can't wait for the next chapter=] i have a feeling naruto is going to walk in on sasuke masterbating.... I CAN'T WAIT!!!
schedule
August 1, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Wow, amazing. I can't wait to read the next chapter!!!!
-Ray
-Ray
schedule
July 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Oh how I have missed this story! I can't wait to see more.
schedule
July 11, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Uh oh. :( This does not sound like its going to go well! Yipes... next chapter please
schedule
July 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Awsome!
schedule
July 10, 2011 at 12:00 AM
The cat is out of the bag (both literally & metaphorically!) in a big way!
Sasuke really took a huge risk here coming out to Naruto! (It's been a while since I read the 1st version of the story--can't remember what his reasoning was for doing so.)
I keep wondering if Naruto is really as straight as he believes (making Sasuke an exception), or if he does have at least some gay tendencies, which he's used his homophobia to repress. It's certainly interesting how he almost seems afraid to masturbate, like his own sexuality makes him uncomfortable. And it's also quite interesting that not only did he not immediately move away from Sasuke during that accidental kiss, but even at the time, he himself realized that he hadn't immediately moved away!
Looking forward to chapter five! :D
Sasuke really took a huge risk here coming out to Naruto! (It's been a while since I read the 1st version of the story--can't remember what his reasoning was for doing so.)
I keep wondering if Naruto is really as straight as he believes (making Sasuke an exception), or if he does have at least some gay tendencies, which he's used his homophobia to repress. It's certainly interesting how he almost seems afraid to masturbate, like his own sexuality makes him uncomfortable. And it's also quite interesting that not only did he not immediately move away from Sasuke during that accidental kiss, but even at the time, he himself realized that he hadn't immediately moved away!
Looking forward to chapter five! :D
schedule
April 3, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really enjoy this story, however i feel that the first person bit (Naruto POV) takes away from the rest of the story...i actually find myself struggling to get through it xP. Especially when the rest of the story is done in third person.
Other then that keep up the good wok and i look forward to the next update ^_^
Other then that keep up the good wok and i look forward to the next update ^_^