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June 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Me likee!
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June 22, 2011 at 12:00 AM
likey likey i can already see the drama hahahahaha ahhhhhhhhhh cant wait poor poor naru
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June 21, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Poor Naruto. Poor Sasuke. Bad Sakura.
I feel bad for Naruto for becoming involved with a married man; he deserves better than that. And yet, with the way you described Naruto's past sexual relationships, as being fulfilling, yet leaving him feeling dirty, I can understand what he gets out of being with Sasuke: the chance to find himself sexually. (And possibly more than just sexually?) Poor kid shouldn't have to feel embarrassed or used during sex; it's good that being with Sasuke makes him feel happy instead. I'd normally feel mad at Sasuke for keeping a lover, but I can respect him for having stopped sleeping with Sakura now that he's with Naruto. It's sad that his wife sees him as an object, and I felt bad for him when he wished he could fall asleep holding Naruto. BTW, if I understood the backstory correctly, Naruto & Sasuke possibly had feelings for one another prior to the nighy at the coffee shop, but that might is just what finally triggered their sexual relationship?
And Sakura--! She has the potential to make a great villain as long as you keep her a tiny bit sympathetic, vs. someone who has no good qualities whatsoever. She's a bad person, but it makes sense that she'd want to protect what's hers. (She's not a villain just for the sake of being a villain; she has her own agenda.) I *don't* want her to win, and I hate her for using Sasuke, but I can understand where she's coming from, why she wants to fight. (I think that's a good response for me as the reader to be having for her as a character.)
I feel bad for Naruto for becoming involved with a married man; he deserves better than that. And yet, with the way you described Naruto's past sexual relationships, as being fulfilling, yet leaving him feeling dirty, I can understand what he gets out of being with Sasuke: the chance to find himself sexually. (And possibly more than just sexually?) Poor kid shouldn't have to feel embarrassed or used during sex; it's good that being with Sasuke makes him feel happy instead. I'd normally feel mad at Sasuke for keeping a lover, but I can respect him for having stopped sleeping with Sakura now that he's with Naruto. It's sad that his wife sees him as an object, and I felt bad for him when he wished he could fall asleep holding Naruto. BTW, if I understood the backstory correctly, Naruto & Sasuke possibly had feelings for one another prior to the nighy at the coffee shop, but that might is just what finally triggered their sexual relationship?
And Sakura--! She has the potential to make a great villain as long as you keep her a tiny bit sympathetic, vs. someone who has no good qualities whatsoever. She's a bad person, but it makes sense that she'd want to protect what's hers. (She's not a villain just for the sake of being a villain; she has her own agenda.) I *don't* want her to win, and I hate her for using Sasuke, but I can understand where she's coming from, why she wants to fight. (I think that's a good response for me as the reader to be having for her as a character.)
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June 21, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I liked the description of the sex the guys had.. and I had the impression you got them "switched": Naruto is shy and pleading, sasuke's in control, demanding and domineering.. Naruto gave in completely, blindly, no terms, no teasing or else. Very un-naruto=like. It seems the only thing he wants from his boss is some steamy sex, that's what he gets and he's happy, used or not.. Sasuke gets his high, in his turn - everyone's happy & satisfied with the situation. Just sex at work - no more, no less.
Very simple, no reason for conflict.
As for Sasuke's and Sakura's lives, wishes and needs, I think you oversimplified them. Sasuke doesn't look like a human - no personality traits at all. The same for Sakura - you focused only on her possessivness and snobbishness. They both look like dolls. You haven't described them - just "summed up" their essences. Work on them, it'll make the story better.
The title is "Unfaithful", but so far sasuke's absolutely OK with it. A "good" father-husband-son. Strange.
Good luck with the story.
Very simple, no reason for conflict.
As for Sasuke's and Sakura's lives, wishes and needs, I think you oversimplified them. Sasuke doesn't look like a human - no personality traits at all. The same for Sakura - you focused only on her possessivness and snobbishness. They both look like dolls. You haven't described them - just "summed up" their essences. Work on them, it'll make the story better.
The title is "Unfaithful", but so far sasuke's absolutely OK with it. A "good" father-husband-son. Strange.
Good luck with the story.
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June 21, 2011 at 12:00 AM
So cool!! You should continue on with this story:)
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June 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really like this so far. The smut was smutty and Sakura is the villan. I always love it when she is the villan. Update soon!
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June 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I really like where this is going... I haven't read good smut like that in a while. Yay for Bitch!Sakura
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June 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
wow very interesting,though i wonder about the kids and how theyll be thrown into this if its positive or negitive.wonder how long this will be id love to see whats up next cant wait for updates
~kai
~kai
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June 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I'm interested in Naruto's thoughts and how this 'fight' is going to go. I can't wait for more. :)
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June 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM
I always love fics like this.
Every time I read one of your stories, I'm always amazed at how much your writing has improved with each one! Makes me envious, but that's not the point. The point is, this is awesome, and you need to write more
Every time I read one of your stories, I'm always amazed at how much your writing has improved with each one! Makes me envious, but that's not the point. The point is, this is awesome, and you need to write more