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July 4, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Grief can be a terrible thing. This story handles the idea of grief and comfort very gently.
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November 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hi there!
I've got lots of criticism for this one, so please bear in mind, that I like your work, that's why I started reading them from the bottom.
First of all, I love your semes, they differ depending on story, well maybe a little OOC, but them dominating definitely suits them. On the other hand the ukes tend to be the same. You repeat the submissive and dominating words too often - not that I'm not sub, but if you spell it out in every fic, it'll start to loose it's charm. The ukes don't do anything, just wantonly wait for their partner to to claim them. My problem is that they all do that and the stuttering and the awkward questions when it's not even needed. They are men, even if submissive, they could differ some, and maybe be a bit manly (well a few of them).
About the story:
The way Naruto acts is great, up until the cliched ukeish sexscene. The way he hurts and still wants to tell Hiashi, the wayhe conforts are great, they flow without any problem.
Hiashi's pain is greater than to just discard it in my mind, so I'd give them more time, or show how he goes throughthe worst part. No parent could focus on his companions feelings in such situations, maybe if Naruto started hyperventillating, or bringing Hiashi out of his initial shock with something, than it'd be fitting.
And a bit of annoying thing: I wouldn't make them speak before going to the bedroom, the situation just doesn't fit for me. In their deepest grieving, that's not that concerning. And I also feel Hiashi chuckling misplaced, just after getting to know of his beloveds' death. It should be a dark and heavy sexscene, where they don't speak, just seek out the others warmth, desperatly clinging to life, and their sanity...
Damn, sorry I'm like this, but don't take it the wrong way, I just wanted to share this with you. If you feel some truth in them, or it gave you some new idea, than I think it was worth, but I don't want to hurt you!
Anyway, thanks for writing all these stories!
I've got lots of criticism for this one, so please bear in mind, that I like your work, that's why I started reading them from the bottom.
First of all, I love your semes, they differ depending on story, well maybe a little OOC, but them dominating definitely suits them. On the other hand the ukes tend to be the same. You repeat the submissive and dominating words too often - not that I'm not sub, but if you spell it out in every fic, it'll start to loose it's charm. The ukes don't do anything, just wantonly wait for their partner to to claim them. My problem is that they all do that and the stuttering and the awkward questions when it's not even needed. They are men, even if submissive, they could differ some, and maybe be a bit manly (well a few of them).
About the story:
The way Naruto acts is great, up until the cliched ukeish sexscene. The way he hurts and still wants to tell Hiashi, the wayhe conforts are great, they flow without any problem.
Hiashi's pain is greater than to just discard it in my mind, so I'd give them more time, or show how he goes throughthe worst part. No parent could focus on his companions feelings in such situations, maybe if Naruto started hyperventillating, or bringing Hiashi out of his initial shock with something, than it'd be fitting.
And a bit of annoying thing: I wouldn't make them speak before going to the bedroom, the situation just doesn't fit for me. In their deepest grieving, that's not that concerning. And I also feel Hiashi chuckling misplaced, just after getting to know of his beloveds' death. It should be a dark and heavy sexscene, where they don't speak, just seek out the others warmth, desperatly clinging to life, and their sanity...
Damn, sorry I'm like this, but don't take it the wrong way, I just wanted to share this with you. If you feel some truth in them, or it gave you some new idea, than I think it was worth, but I don't want to hurt you!
Anyway, thanks for writing all these stories!
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November 27, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Hi and sorry again for the previous review. I had to write it out, to be able to enjoy the fic.
I really love your bedscenes -mainly because of the semes, and the sensitivness of the ukes. I wish the ukes were a bit more active, but the way your semes work is just great! Looking at only that, detached from the story, this one is delicious too.
I'm a bit hurt nothing happened between them after - or at least so far, I hope Hiashi's caring didn't stop at this...
It's a bit wierd, how wholeheartedly happily Naruto reacted to the mention of ramen, but other than that, I look forward to their part of the story!
I really love your bedscenes -mainly because of the semes, and the sensitivness of the ukes. I wish the ukes were a bit more active, but the way your semes work is just great! Looking at only that, detached from the story, this one is delicious too.
I'm a bit hurt nothing happened between them after - or at least so far, I hope Hiashi's caring didn't stop at this...
It's a bit wierd, how wholeheartedly happily Naruto reacted to the mention of ramen, but other than that, I look forward to their part of the story!
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August 23, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Wow why haven't I seen this before? I totally love it!!! And I love te pairings!!!!! Please give us more soon!!!! See you!!!
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August 21, 2011 at 12:00 AM
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.