rate_review Reviews

More please. :)

Wow, so erotic. I want mooorrrre!!!!

It seems like you have a decent idea going on right here. The pairing you're shooting for... I was going to say it was unusual, but perhaps that's because around 90% of romantic Naruto fanfiction is between Sasuke and Naruto. I will always encourage people to write as long as they have an idea, and this is no exception. I'd like to see what you have planned for future chapters of this story. Now, onto the constructive criticism...

You seem to be having an issue with point of view, which is... not a mistake I come across often. You seem to switch from the third-person "him" to the first-person "I" a few times, which is pretty confusing to read. There are several points within this story that I have absolutely no idea who you're talking about as a result. It might be best for you to pick a point of view and stick with it throughout one entire chapter, or make a notation of some sort if you plan on switching from one point of view to another. Also, I do believe the name is spelled "Gaara," not "Garra."

I'll limit my critiques to those mistakes because you are in the process of looking for a beta. I simply pointed out the mistakes that I found to be the most obvious and that have the potential to take a lot away from your story.

I Love the pairing!! I think this will be very interesting how u make them relate to eachother and how their personalities mesh.