rate_review Reviews

OMG! This is so amazing, please continue! You cut it off at a crutial point! AHHHH~! Anyways, thanks for writing. :)

Love where the story is going so far , I was just wondering when the next chapter will be out ? It seems really hot !

Wow. Very interesting. If you still need a beta, email me.

I really enjoyed your story and I will continue to read it, for sure. At the risk of sounding like a broken record the grammer and selling is a little distracting for some and the changing from past to present tense can get confusing for people. I just proofread it as I went because I liked your ideas. Once you fix those couple of technical things the story will flow better and I bet even more people will read it.
Thanks for writing and please continue to do so -Kristin

I like where this story is going. Those first two chapters were a fun read, however, as the previous reviewer said, the grammar errors were a bit distracting. If you'd like help fine-tuning your work, I'd recommend going to this sub-forum http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php/forum/84-request-a-beta/ and requesting a beta reader. They can help you with everything from grammar to bouncing ideas around and anything in between. ^^

I like the idea you have for your story and I encourage you to continue writing. Shy Gaara is always so cute.

I do strongly suggest you get a beta though. Till then there are a few things you could do to continue improving. I would tell you to avoid mixing up your past and present tenses because it drives people bonkers... but my sister tells me that is no help because she doesn't know what I mean lol. A beta can fix that but it is very distracting. A common rule of thumb is to use present tense when people are talking and past tense for everthing else. (there are exceptions of course).

An easy fix though would be to not start so many sentences with the word "I" because then it begins to sound like a list.Different sentence structures make a story flow better.

I really enjoy your story and I will continue to read it! You do a great job getting in Gaara's head and making him so nervous and unsure of himself. One problem though. The spelling and grammar. Argh! Please take more time and proofread because a lot of readers will be turned off by this. I'm not trying to be a bitch, this is constructive criticism kid! Like I said, I'll continue to read as long as you keep putting them out because the story is just great!

Thanks...ill be sure to look over my work more thoroughly next time.