rate_review Reviews

I was going to keep reading, but I am going to stop since I still feel that the story doesn't match the summary of the story as I kind of want stories that I read to match the summary that they have. I would change the summary to better match how the story is now.

I love this Sakura! I really hope this story continues, can't wait for the next chapter. I hope most of the lemons are just between Sakura and Naruto. Well because I love that couple! ^_^

*signs* Just once I would like to read a story on this site where the characters are even slightly in character for once. You really should have put in your author's note that the characters wouldn't act at all like how they are supposed to and that you'll be bashing characters and totally changing them into whole new characters, it would have saved me a lot of time plus at least given me a heads up on what to expect as this was certainly not what I was expecting from your summary. It just reads like a totally different story than the summary so I kind of feel 'tricked' into reading this. (or maybe it's just a miscommunication really)

I mean this started out well enough but as soon as you got to the Hinata/Sakura argument it just went downhill for me, the rape scene was basically the final straw. Personally I think this story started out with a good idea and I would have liked a story to have continued from that point without twisting everything up. But that's just what I like to read and for some reason you wanted to try writing the characters in totally different ways for your own reasons of course.

A couple of points that I have to point out, the whole thing with Hinata saying that she most likely got Sakura 'pregnant' well that's physically impossible (something that Sakura should know about being a medic), long story short, it has to do with genetics as it was explained to me, it's as impossible like those MPREG stories. Also Sakura is the only ninja in her family this has been stated in canon (but it was way at the start so a lot of people forgot)

I think you might want to think of altering your Author's Note slightly to add a little explanation of a few things like you'll be changing the characters personalities to fit your story, background of the characters, etc. If only to explain that this story is heavily AU and not to expect much of anything canon. It just helps set up the mood of the story so people like me won't keep expecting what to normally see happen. Maybe this is the kind of thing some people like but it's just not for me.

For the love of god please Edit your story and Put in "Quotation marks" for when the characters are SPEAKING.

You really need a Beta reader as the grammar in it is horrible. You also might want to think about adding more to your dialog add to the scene (as in what actions the characters are making as they talk (like rubbing there heads to express exhaustion or maybe even moving to do something else while continuing the conversation or as simple as what there faces are expressing.

Loved the second chapter, too bad it aint gonna stay pwp, but that's ok.

Good chapter, well done.

Love this story so far, lets hope its updates often and doesn't fiz out.