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November 8, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hello. AFF does have the interface for authors' feedback. First you need to register at AFF Forum and go to the "Fan Fiction" subforum, choose 'Naruto', choose the category, for. ex., 'AU' or 'General' and start your own topic - press Start New Topic.
For "Topic Title" you could write the exact name of your story and indicate that it's for review replies (e.g., Review Replies for "Story Name"). Then you would start it off by perhaps introducing your story, leaving a summary (just to be sure visitors know it's for the correct story), any other info you want to include, a link to your story on the archive, and encourage people to comment. Make sure you don't include spoilers for your story! Finally, regarding your actual story in the archive, include an "author's note" at the end of the story/chapter, encouraging people to go there to comment, making SURE you include a link directly to it in the forum (here I'm quoting Melrick's guideline for authors).
Voila.
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The story progressed to the point where it's impossible to imagine Sasuke's everyday life and esp. holiday without Naruto. I mean, Naruto came into his life as a way to compensate for something he's missing out, as a way to fill in the gap. It's not only about love, it's about a mass of feelings.
And now - back to his everyday loneliness-busy emptiness?.. Itachi, as perfect as he is, is all work and little fun. That distant brilliant future of the brothers keeps them both going, achieving, working hard, but there's still something they're acutely missing. Even in their own relationship. So Itachi's "not leaving his kid brother alone" seems touching but hopeless. Rather like "I don't know what else to do but I surely know my duties".
If Sasuke-Naruto little family's a "charade", what is Itachi-Sasuke's family like? Like... their family's remains? Living on as we can, going without what we've lost. At one moment Sasuke simply exploded. Does it truly seem right and natural for Itachi? I mean, they love each other but they can't express it freely, only in categories of duties, what is 'right', 'becoming' and 'proper'. That's just sad.
Yep, they are lucky to have each other. Together, it doesn't seem so not-right. Unique brothers, they share the same inability. Handicapped in the similar way.
“Because it’s not right. My brother’s coming home after a month in the hospital. I should be nothing but happy for him.”
"Itachi would recover, and it would be the same pace for his studious older brother again. Work, school, sleep, repeat, and once again.."
I dare say it had begun even long before the tragedy.
And yes, without Sasuke's school friends it's going to be even harder now.
Will *you* really *kill* Sasuke's New Year for Itachi's comfort? Because Sasuke and Naruto would definitely do it. Who needs such sacrifices?
On the other hand, Itachi wouldn't consider it a *proper traditional family celebration* with a complete stranger at home, would he?
It's funny that Naruto's situation is compared to one of a homeless kitty starved for love, attention and treats. Sasuke is usually compared to a cat, independent, too curious for his own good, a loner for a reason and no reason... Anyway, Naruto's a kitten rather than a cat.
I suspect that's not going to be an end of Kabuto's episode in Sasuke's life. The guy's got into real trouble. It can change everything and alter all his previous decisions and considerations. Cornered, who knows what he can do to save himself? One more argument - it would be just too easy, no?
To sum it up, I really liked the chapter. More bitter than sweet, but revealing. It wasn't "festive", it smells of coming loneliness instead and reminds of the way things used to be like. You also showed un-masked Naruto. Sometimes you need to see him like that to remind yourself that grinning hurts. The 'real' Naruto resurfaced again. More realistic he'd wished himself. After all, they both kept playing and keeping appearances for the sake of each other for sooo long. There must come a moment of truth like that.
Thank you.
For "Topic Title" you could write the exact name of your story and indicate that it's for review replies (e.g., Review Replies for "Story Name"). Then you would start it off by perhaps introducing your story, leaving a summary (just to be sure visitors know it's for the correct story), any other info you want to include, a link to your story on the archive, and encourage people to comment. Make sure you don't include spoilers for your story! Finally, regarding your actual story in the archive, include an "author's note" at the end of the story/chapter, encouraging people to go there to comment, making SURE you include a link directly to it in the forum (here I'm quoting Melrick's guideline for authors).
Voila.
- - - -
The story progressed to the point where it's impossible to imagine Sasuke's everyday life and esp. holiday without Naruto. I mean, Naruto came into his life as a way to compensate for something he's missing out, as a way to fill in the gap. It's not only about love, it's about a mass of feelings.
And now - back to his everyday loneliness-busy emptiness?.. Itachi, as perfect as he is, is all work and little fun. That distant brilliant future of the brothers keeps them both going, achieving, working hard, but there's still something they're acutely missing. Even in their own relationship. So Itachi's "not leaving his kid brother alone" seems touching but hopeless. Rather like "I don't know what else to do but I surely know my duties".
If Sasuke-Naruto little family's a "charade", what is Itachi-Sasuke's family like? Like... their family's remains? Living on as we can, going without what we've lost. At one moment Sasuke simply exploded. Does it truly seem right and natural for Itachi? I mean, they love each other but they can't express it freely, only in categories of duties, what is 'right', 'becoming' and 'proper'. That's just sad.
Yep, they are lucky to have each other. Together, it doesn't seem so not-right. Unique brothers, they share the same inability. Handicapped in the similar way.
“Because it’s not right. My brother’s coming home after a month in the hospital. I should be nothing but happy for him.”
"Itachi would recover, and it would be the same pace for his studious older brother again. Work, school, sleep, repeat, and once again.."
I dare say it had begun even long before the tragedy.
And yes, without Sasuke's school friends it's going to be even harder now.
Will *you* really *kill* Sasuke's New Year for Itachi's comfort? Because Sasuke and Naruto would definitely do it. Who needs such sacrifices?
On the other hand, Itachi wouldn't consider it a *proper traditional family celebration* with a complete stranger at home, would he?
It's funny that Naruto's situation is compared to one of a homeless kitty starved for love, attention and treats. Sasuke is usually compared to a cat, independent, too curious for his own good, a loner for a reason and no reason... Anyway, Naruto's a kitten rather than a cat.
I suspect that's not going to be an end of Kabuto's episode in Sasuke's life. The guy's got into real trouble. It can change everything and alter all his previous decisions and considerations. Cornered, who knows what he can do to save himself? One more argument - it would be just too easy, no?
To sum it up, I really liked the chapter. More bitter than sweet, but revealing. It wasn't "festive", it smells of coming loneliness instead and reminds of the way things used to be like. You also showed un-masked Naruto. Sometimes you need to see him like that to remind yourself that grinning hurts. The 'real' Naruto resurfaced again. More realistic he'd wished himself. After all, they both kept playing and keeping appearances for the sake of each other for sooo long. There must come a moment of truth like that.
Thank you.
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November 3, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Holy crap update soon! I can't frickin wait to see what Itachi is going to do/say to Naruto!! GAH suspense!
On the note of the whole story, fantastically written, perfectly in character. I've loved every word. <3
On the note of the whole story, fantastically written, perfectly in character. I've loved every word. <3
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October 25, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Feel ashamed 'cause I wanted to leave a comment after the previous chapter. it had Itachi -- Sasuke interaction, and it was just wonderful. Without Naruto all over and around him, Sasuke feels more like his usual self. He has time to reflect on the situation, he's freer and more cynical at the same time.
It's great that Itachi's finally coming home. It's his rightful place, after all. And may be it's time to deal with Naruto's situation, too. Who knows, it could be to better. Just like in case with Kabuto when face-to-face conversation helped to clear the whole matter.
The scene with a newly found cat was very warm, amazing and totally unexpected. A real Christmas wonder for our orphan boys. The best aspect of it is that Itachi's gonna have a big surprise, too. It's a wonder to share!
Hope you won't send Naruto packing his things too fast... he could be a school buddy that pays Sasuke some money as a rent or else... not that Itachi can't see Naruto for what he is for his brother, but..
After such nice, warm chappies reality can bite. Hipe it won't bw too bad on the guys.
With respect and thanks!
It's great that Itachi's finally coming home. It's his rightful place, after all. And may be it's time to deal with Naruto's situation, too. Who knows, it could be to better. Just like in case with Kabuto when face-to-face conversation helped to clear the whole matter.
The scene with a newly found cat was very warm, amazing and totally unexpected. A real Christmas wonder for our orphan boys. The best aspect of it is that Itachi's gonna have a big surprise, too. It's a wonder to share!
Hope you won't send Naruto packing his things too fast... he could be a school buddy that pays Sasuke some money as a rent or else... not that Itachi can't see Naruto for what he is for his brother, but..
After such nice, warm chappies reality can bite. Hipe it won't bw too bad on the guys.
With respect and thanks!
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October 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
that was an adorable christmas scene!
I was a little sad since they don't have very much, but they are grateful for the company.
The best part was ferret though. It was such an 'aww' moment
I was a little sad since they don't have very much, but they are grateful for the company.
The best part was ferret though. It was such an 'aww' moment
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October 6, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. My condolences. I too lost my own mom and it is not easy. I live this story and can't wait for the next chapter. I hope that you and your remaining mom will heal in time. :)
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October 3, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hi,
I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom (or mother/grandmother family figure).
I've really enjoyed your story, usually I don't like fanfiction set in an alternative universe or modern times. In particular liked Chapter 42. I don't know what experiences you have had with mental illness with yourself or friends and family, or experience taking medication. Having had my own few experiences personally and with family members, I felt that your portrayal was sensitive and well thought out, rather than composed of stereotypes most people have of mental illness. I've never been to a psych ward, so I can't speak to that. But I understood Sasuke and Juugo's feelings about medication. Especially the stress of taking a new medication, and not knowing what might happen. Anyway, I will look forward to the next installment, whenever you are ready to return to writing, even if that is a long time from now.
I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom (or mother/grandmother family figure).
I've really enjoyed your story, usually I don't like fanfiction set in an alternative universe or modern times. In particular liked Chapter 42. I don't know what experiences you have had with mental illness with yourself or friends and family, or experience taking medication. Having had my own few experiences personally and with family members, I felt that your portrayal was sensitive and well thought out, rather than composed of stereotypes most people have of mental illness. I've never been to a psych ward, so I can't speak to that. But I understood Sasuke and Juugo's feelings about medication. Especially the stress of taking a new medication, and not knowing what might happen. Anyway, I will look forward to the next installment, whenever you are ready to return to writing, even if that is a long time from now.
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September 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Hey!! I'm sure you've already completed this story, but I felt that I should leave a review anyways. I've enjoyed the story thus far and am intrigued by the personalities portrayed by each character - most times being very close to what I would imagine them behaving in this setting. The story seems to be progressing rather well, and I can see the rising action and can predict the potential climax factors.
On the sentence structure, it can get a little confusing when separating the conversations sentences between Sasuke and Naruto in this chapter (chapter 7 P2). My suggestion is that instead of writing as such:
"Sasuke snickered.
'You think?'"
Maybe writing like this:
"Sasuke snickered. 'You think?'"
Now I know this will shorten your chapter length, and although I prefer to read long chapters, it would necessarily be bad to have short chapters. I hope that my review helped in any manner and if the story is complete, then maybe it can help out if you are ever thinking of editing these chapters. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
On the sentence structure, it can get a little confusing when separating the conversations sentences between Sasuke and Naruto in this chapter (chapter 7 P2). My suggestion is that instead of writing as such:
"Sasuke snickered.
'You think?'"
Maybe writing like this:
"Sasuke snickered. 'You think?'"
Now I know this will shorten your chapter length, and although I prefer to read long chapters, it would necessarily be bad to have short chapters. I hope that my review helped in any manner and if the story is complete, then maybe it can help out if you are ever thinking of editing these chapters. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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September 20, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I wish I could give you back something for this special pleasure that your story brought to me; you can really make each chapter unlike the others, with some different shade of feeling, and everything in the story shifts, step by step. You write about people who can and do, and overcome somehow, so there must be something like that in you, too, I believe. I have no doubts you'll get through all the grief and trouble and become even stronger.
Concerning this chapter, I'm pleasantly surprised but taken separately from Naruto, Sasuke seems very much *alive*, human, full of deep emotions, though reserved. Naruto may bring it out in him, but it's been here all along. It's nice to read about such side of him. Sasuke can be a good friend, and not *exclusively* to Naruto. A lot of writers limit his emotions and abilities to his relationship with Naruto only; I'm glad this is not the case here.
Juugo is very nice guy: his eccentric family made quite an appearance. I must say I'd miss this character if he had to leave the story.
After this chapter I started to look forward to Sasuke's coming back to school.
I take it, Sasuke's going to visit Itachi more often. So, will Itachi notice anything different about his brother? What will they talk about? Will anything change? So much to think of and imagine; but I'll be waiting patiently, because your story's definitely worth it.
With respect to you and your work, X.
Concerning this chapter, I'm pleasantly surprised but taken separately from Naruto, Sasuke seems very much *alive*, human, full of deep emotions, though reserved. Naruto may bring it out in him, but it's been here all along. It's nice to read about such side of him. Sasuke can be a good friend, and not *exclusively* to Naruto. A lot of writers limit his emotions and abilities to his relationship with Naruto only; I'm glad this is not the case here.
Juugo is very nice guy: his eccentric family made quite an appearance. I must say I'd miss this character if he had to leave the story.
After this chapter I started to look forward to Sasuke's coming back to school.
I take it, Sasuke's going to visit Itachi more often. So, will Itachi notice anything different about his brother? What will they talk about? Will anything change? So much to think of and imagine; but I'll be waiting patiently, because your story's definitely worth it.
With respect to you and your work, X.
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September 18, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss :( my review is positive anyway, so you're safe.
I love how support Juugo's parents and Sasuke are. Having dealt with mental issues and a couple stints in psych wards myself, I can easily say acceptance and normality is both intensely needed and somewhat hard to come by when you tip out of whack and need intense treatment.
You did a wonderful job with Sasuke AND with realistically describing Juugo's insecurities and fears. Mental illness can be hell for its victims, so I'm ecstatic that Juugo will get the assistance he needs to regain control of his life.
I love how support Juugo's parents and Sasuke are. Having dealt with mental issues and a couple stints in psych wards myself, I can easily say acceptance and normality is both intensely needed and somewhat hard to come by when you tip out of whack and need intense treatment.
You did a wonderful job with Sasuke AND with realistically describing Juugo's insecurities and fears. Mental illness can be hell for its victims, so I'm ecstatic that Juugo will get the assistance he needs to regain control of his life.
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September 16, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Sorry to hear the news. Love your story and although will be antsy till the next chapter can patiently wait. Will be in prayers, Take care.