rate_review Reviews

I really liked this fan-fic. I like the story, the different point of view, and the way you stuck to the characters canon personalities. Please next chapter soon. ^μ^

Ok, so its not a bad idea for a story, but it feels a little too drawn out in each chapter, there is alot going on but at the same time there is nothing really happening.

for example, the first 2 chapters could have been one chapter.

it could be a really awesome story, if it was reworked just a littlebit, but that said, i think some of the reactions of the characters were a little ..... odd in some of the situations and might require re thinking.

over all i think its a good story.

C1 was great introduction - the point of fiction is just on the other side of realistic, to stretch the cognitive dissonance.

Why was C10 one giant wall of text?

glad to see this updated I thought this story was going to be abandon

well your story is interesting to say the least, you need to proofread it some more, but i also find that its a little slow paced, there is too much of him walking to A B or C, you need to skip the less important things, have people just arrive at places (standing outside the store, having gotten directions for some local girls, bob was able to buy a pizza)

you should also space your story out more, its turning into a wall of text and its hard to follow at times.

over all good work and hope to read your next one.

This is such an awesome story and i cant wait to read more, dont let other people's negative comments discourage you from furthering your creativity and i will be a follower from now on

Great read so far, looking forward for more.