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June 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
How did it go from his dick being in her face to him approaching from the other side of the hot spring?
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June 10, 2013 at 12:00 AM
You need to read over your work more carefully, there are multiple errors of out of place and repeated words through the story, nice work other than that though
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Not bad at all. I'd like to see Isaribi, Hokuto from Hoshigakure, and Yakumo from the Konoha as well. Just my wishes, for what they're worth. Oh, and Kagero and Sasame from the Fuma clan, if they're still alive.
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Awesome. Also don't sell yourself short. You are easily on the same level as The Lemon Sage and C0p13r. Just because there's less plot more smut doesn't take away from the fact that it's damn well written. Also for girls I'd like to see. Could you please include Yugito, Tayuya, and/or Pakura. If not that's cool. Your story's still awesome. Update soon.
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
My review really just mirrors DiabloSlayer, you are not giving yourself enough credit. I've read both C0p13r and The Lemon Sage, I love their work, and I can say without a bit of doubt that your stuff is just as good as theirs. That is in no way meant to discredit their work, just to elevate yours as much as possible. As far as girls I want to see,I would love to se Fu from Taki, and TenTen if you could work her in somehow. Once again I love the story so far and can't wait to see more.
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I completely disagree that this story isn't as good as Eroninja. Maybe you haven't done as much with the plot, but its only been two chapters. In addition, I think your smut scenes are better than those in Eroninja. Keep up the good work!
The only girl I'd like to see that isn't on your list is Yugito-Nii.
The only girl I'd like to see that isn't on your list is Yugito-Nii.
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
This is definitely as good as Ero-Sennin's, less plot, but more smut! Who cares about plot anyways when you just want to read a fine HOT smut about the characters you love. So it's great!
Please choose Konan as next, she's so terribly underused in smuts!
Please choose Konan as next, she's so terribly underused in smuts!
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
not can do a harem fic without hinata if incluyed konaha girls from the other maybe shion and kurotische granddauter of kage form iwa tayuya and kin from oto
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Excellent story Samui was placed fantastic here with her resistance slowly being crushed by Naruto
do hope to see Mei Terumi soon she needs some love and also Tsunade but im looking foward to have Konan or Shion here
do hope to see Mei Terumi soon she needs some love and also Tsunade but im looking foward to have Konan or Shion here
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June 9, 2013 at 12:00 AM
ood fic, very exciting!
But, although I have liked, I have some suggestion for you to improve further the story.
Describe the female genitals. You described Naruto penis very well, but not spent even a line in the Samui vagina. Describe the pubic hair, both in "hairstyle" and color. Also talk about the vaginal lips and clitoris, it certainly left the narrative even more exciting.
Well... Keep up the good work!
But, although I have liked, I have some suggestion for you to improve further the story.
Describe the female genitals. You described Naruto penis very well, but not spent even a line in the Samui vagina. Describe the pubic hair, both in "hairstyle" and color. Also talk about the vaginal lips and clitoris, it certainly left the narrative even more exciting.
Well... Keep up the good work!