Love it. I hope Naruto and the twins are saved soon. Let me know if I can help you out.
About the mini rant......I feel the same way. I personally don't condone bullying of any kind.
But one thing to remember is to keep the story moving without repeating too much of something. The large number of examples of Naruto being bullied in the first chapter with witnesses and friends close by was pretty excessive which ultimately made it unrealistic. (like a movie with a car chase scene that goes on forever)His friends would have done more to protect him because he actually has quite a few that are not considered weak either. Mixing those scenes with other plot development will help your story.
Your story does have an awkward style that you shouldn't worry too much about right now because that will improve with the more you read the more you will pick up how the writing style should flow (a beta could help with this).
The biggest problem you have right now though in getting readers to start your story is that 1+ rating you have. I usually skip right over stories that have +++ or less (and I even hesitate to read ++++). That will keep readers from even trying your story. But I liked your story idea and that you have kept at it despite the lack of much response. Feel free to ask your regular readers to hit the darn rate button! And good luck:)
Please correct your disclaimer.
Your disclaimer doesn't have one of the two parts we need to see. It must say that no money/profit is made. Saying that it’s just for fun or just for entertainment purposes is not enough.
What happens if the disclaimer isn't fixed? We allow seven (7) days for the story to be corrected. After that, we hide it, and it will stay hidden until it's corrected or until it's been thirty (30) days since we hid it. At that point, we do delete the story. If we do hide your story, you can always access it through your Control Panel in your archive profile even while it's hidden. If we do hide your story, and you've fixed it, you can contact the ToS team with the name of your story, your username and the fandom where the story is located to have your story made visible again. You can contact us by email at TOS_team@adultfanfiction.net. Just one thing: Re-uploads of hidden stories are deleted immediately with no additional warning given.
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