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November 23, 2013 at 12:00 AM
It's also funny to note that no matter how dark, hard and hopeless Naruto's life is, no matter how dirty he is himself, he always, always in a certain type of fanfiction stories "tastes of strawberries and sunshine", his scent is "sweet and delectable". A rare slave, indeed :D
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November 22, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Sasuke in alo his forms should be sexy! Great job in portraying that!
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November 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I've already read plenty of similar stories but not sure if I have right to leave my comment here after 2 chaptersonly. OK... I may get it be wrong.
Your Sasuke is one-sided character: sadistic, purely evil, having nothing better to do than teach weaklings a lesson. What's more, you gave him super-mega-uber-aura enough to kill.
Sasuke's also trapped in his own position, so he can't show any shade of kindnesss in public - and this not going to change any time soon.
It seems to me Sasuke misjudged Naruto, taking his unability to hide his emotions for truly rebellious nature. After all, he had witnessed Naruto when the latter was preparing to die. "But he couldn't control himself. He had no way of fighting the reluctance of submission within him." (c) And after the 2nd chapter I think Sasuke overestimated Naruto's resouces of defiance. OK, he *already* has Naruto whimpering and pleading under him, so... what else? "The heady combination of defiance and submission in his slave had made him lose control. " (c) So, when submission overweighs defiance, Sasuke's interest in the man will disappear.
What I liked about Naruto is that he's fully aware of his position and doesn't have any illusions. He's also already creaking, if not broken altogether, under pressures and hardships.'The inner submissive' in him?.. I think you meant Naruto's sexual disposition and preferences here. But what other place can he imagine himself into, being born a slave?
And what made naruto deem Sasuke 'the cruellest master possible'? Was Sasuke's behaviour that much crueller than his previous masters'? They weren't exactly kind or considerate to him either, and this one made him walk over a long distance... after having saved his life! His instincts only, maybe, then.
I liked the passages with Sasuke and Naruto but I find their situation 'locked' in circumstances; it's intresting how it will be able to develop if one side has absolute power and dominance over the other one, which I think is an overkill. Can it be developed at all?
All Sasuke's following 'compassion' and leniency can be easily explained by the need to use Naruto's body and arouse himself by his reactions, for his own profit only.
Hope I'm mistaken and this story will grow into something as interesting as lemony :-) Good luck and thanx!
Your Sasuke is one-sided character: sadistic, purely evil, having nothing better to do than teach weaklings a lesson. What's more, you gave him super-mega-uber-aura enough to kill.
Sasuke's also trapped in his own position, so he can't show any shade of kindnesss in public - and this not going to change any time soon.
It seems to me Sasuke misjudged Naruto, taking his unability to hide his emotions for truly rebellious nature. After all, he had witnessed Naruto when the latter was preparing to die. "But he couldn't control himself. He had no way of fighting the reluctance of submission within him." (c) And after the 2nd chapter I think Sasuke overestimated Naruto's resouces of defiance. OK, he *already* has Naruto whimpering and pleading under him, so... what else? "The heady combination of defiance and submission in his slave had made him lose control. " (c) So, when submission overweighs defiance, Sasuke's interest in the man will disappear.
What I liked about Naruto is that he's fully aware of his position and doesn't have any illusions. He's also already creaking, if not broken altogether, under pressures and hardships.'The inner submissive' in him?.. I think you meant Naruto's sexual disposition and preferences here. But what other place can he imagine himself into, being born a slave?
And what made naruto deem Sasuke 'the cruellest master possible'? Was Sasuke's behaviour that much crueller than his previous masters'? They weren't exactly kind or considerate to him either, and this one made him walk over a long distance... after having saved his life! His instincts only, maybe, then.
I liked the passages with Sasuke and Naruto but I find their situation 'locked' in circumstances; it's intresting how it will be able to develop if one side has absolute power and dominance over the other one, which I think is an overkill. Can it be developed at all?
All Sasuke's following 'compassion' and leniency can be easily explained by the need to use Naruto's body and arouse himself by his reactions, for his own profit only.
Hope I'm mistaken and this story will grow into something as interesting as lemony :-) Good luck and thanx!
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November 21, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Really awesome cant wait for more :)