schedule
July 31, 2014 at 12:00 AM
hey, man, nice chapters.
schedule
June 9, 2014 at 12:00 AM
so thats not a bad story, it shows some promise but i see a few things.
1: missing words, you are missing alot of words in there or they are organized in the wrong way, simple editing would fix that, but no one is perfect.
2: the wall of text is a bad thing, you should space out your story a bit, it helps to find where you left off as a reader when you have to scroll the page or even get up to take a piss or something.
3: i think that you need a little more detail in whats going on, some parts are too vague and open ended.
4: i think there could have been more with the event with sakura, more needed to happen and turn into more of a semi major thing, i liked it but it was too short, even though some people will not like that you did character bashing as they will call it, it can help a story if you do it right.
all in all i think thats a good story, just needs some work.
1: missing words, you are missing alot of words in there or they are organized in the wrong way, simple editing would fix that, but no one is perfect.
2: the wall of text is a bad thing, you should space out your story a bit, it helps to find where you left off as a reader when you have to scroll the page or even get up to take a piss or something.
3: i think that you need a little more detail in whats going on, some parts are too vague and open ended.
4: i think there could have been more with the event with sakura, more needed to happen and turn into more of a semi major thing, i liked it but it was too short, even though some people will not like that you did character bashing as they will call it, it can help a story if you do it right.
all in all i think thats a good story, just needs some work.
schedule
April 29, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I consider character bashing like in this story one of the lowest forms of fanfic writing. I despite it as there really is no call for it and basically disrespect for the source material and usually makes one or more characters out of character which is also in this story. The first chapter is such a major turn off. The first chapter is such a rushed mess, there is no real detail and a lot of parts seem to be missing. Also like I said I hate character bashing so the crap you did with Sakura (who apparently you can't spell her name correctly once) was the last straw to me. It's not a surprise why you've pissed off so many people with this.
schedule
April 28, 2014 at 12:00 AM
This is quite bad due to huge walls of text and bad grammar. I won't be reading this anymore.
schedule
April 27, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Let give you a bit of advice: Work on your spacing. This is a very difficult story to read with cluttered up words all bunched up together. Fix that and maybe more people will give this story a chance.
schedule
April 27, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Why you hatin' Sakura?
schedule
April 26, 2014 at 12:00 AM
You have no proper grammar and so far from just seeing your writing style, I have no high expectations from this story
schedule
April 26, 2014 at 12:00 AM
Absolutely awful.
schedule
April 26, 2014 at 12:00 AM
cute i like it update soon