rate_review Reviews

I like the premise, but you need more detail and slow down it feels rushed.

Okay...not bad exactly but...seriously what the fuck? How exactly was Tenten just instantly okay with the guy kidnaping her and even asking him to 'fuck' her after playing with her breast a little? Seriously? I'm all for rape fantasies and what not, even M/S or D/S, but come on! It's completely unbelievable that she or anyone really would instantly break and start calling their rapist and kidnapper 'Master', willingly at least. Furthermore this was incredibly rushed and had little detail at all. The plot definitely has potential and I really didn't find too many grammar mistakes, so at least you had that going for you. My opinion is that you should seriously give this another overhaul and rewrite this chapter, otherwise it seems like you're a horny fourteen year old boy trying to write this as you jerk off to an underdeveloped fantasy.

Nice chapter I wonder if anyone will save them and make them their slaves at the end or will he never get caught it is up to you but if 4 kunochi go missing then anbu team is the next choice I would think. but I hope we see more girls 1st.

All I could think was how much of a moron the guy was. Unless Tsunade is in league with him, two teams disappearing in the same place is a huge red flag.

About the shaving off the hair and gluing the cap to the head. The hair will grow back, and with nowhere to go, that would get quite painful would it not?