Ino is fucking gorgeous, I agree. Are you going to do another Boruto timeline one? Like with Sarada? Also well written chapter my guy. Any Kurenai or other MILF chapters? Also are you ever going to do a Moegi chapter? Like a loli chapter series? That would be awesome. Also more mother daughter threesomes are great. Just me ranting sorry. Great writing so keep it up. Farewell for now
* Thunderous applause *.
What a great chapter, or should I say final (?) For Ino.
Very, very good
It makes you want to read about the future with Ino's daughter, LOL.
-And in terms of what I wanted to say, it is the number of people / readers who leave opinions / comments, comparing other stories with fewer chapters.
-In another point do not pay attention to the flamers, hatters, and trools that only know how to fuck and ruin the humor and the desire of the writer. They only bother because they do not like how the story goes or their favorite character is denigrated. With this last one you know who I'm talking about ...
Waiting for the continuation.
@BigE2955
You can only be kidding. Are you mocking that this story does not make sense? I need to remind you that you made Naruto do a blowjob on Sasuke in Naruto's Fetish? That Hinata in one chapter loves Sasuke, and in another she already changes of idea and returns to love Naruto. That Naruto let Sasuke have sex with his own daughter. You make practically the same mistakes, but with a better grammar. And you still get paid at Patreon to make lemons and Sniper has never asked for a cent for readers.
Since when did you turn in Oscar Wilde? To criticize the work of others with that tone of superiority? This is a lemon, if you do not like do not read.
Certainly this story has problems, but is one of the best posted here. And it's not you or your little friends who will say otherwise.
Gonna move my reviews here.
From a roughly technical perspective this wasn't bad. There weren't any glaring grammar problems. A few spelling issues here and there but eh, it is what it is.
The problem is everything else.
"Yeah, a man like that needs enough whores to settle his appetite down. "
LMAO, what is this? It reads like a bad porno. Not only does it not make sense because Naruto seems to be totally disengaged from sex (therefore, WHAT APPETITE) but it's such a cringe level assertion.
Also why the constant references to sluts? Naruto sluttily slapped his slut's slutty ass and it gave a slutty clap. Mix it up lad.
WEW
Oh man, I just had a good laugh at this entire chapter. It's such top tier bad-doujin level that I can't even take it seriously. Was this meant to be a parody?
I mean I guess props that Naruto beats up Sasuke and then basically rapes Sakura into submission. Reminds me of that one classic where Naruto travels back in time, becomes Madara, and then proceeds to burn Fugaku in front of his wife and then fucks her right next to the burned corpse. Then he proceeds to fuck his own mother, turns his own father into a paraplegic and also fucks Tsunade and becomes best friend with Orochimaru.
" with a worn out, gaping cunt"
Lovely visual. Shall we we talk about her dragging beef curtains as well?
"Sometimes with an audible queef, other times quiet, this whore jettisons whatever melange of fluids are sloshing within her polygamous cavern. It's not unusual to spy spotty trails and blood tinged puddles wherever the posterior of the sexually liberated Hyuuga Hinata has rested."
I know this first chapter is a relic from nearly three years ago, but I'm still going to judge it just as I would any other chapter. And it is a bad first chapter -- devoid of sense, good writing, or any sort of 'hook' that ought to be there for a story that is one of the most reviewed stories on AFF in recent memory.
The grammar is... passable. Not good, not decent, not adequate -- passable. It's to the point where I noticed numerous errors, and anyone with a tenth grade education would notice quite a few of them, but it's not horrific. That's something at least.
But what is this chapter?
It's so... bad.
It feels like the first scene of a much longer chapter, but it's the first chapter. This is all there is. Ino walking in on Naruto banging Anko -- omg, his cock is so big, me so horny, then she walks out and already considers NTRing her husband.
Anko is just so random in this too; it's kind of sad. I have no idea why she's here -- she's just thrown into the chapter, devoid of any dialogue, to be a pussy for Naruto to fuck. That's it. There's no clarification, no build up, not even a smidge of 'hotness'. It's not even good smut either -- she's just there, bouncing up and down on a cock. I'm sure that's good smut to some people, but for anyone with an actual sense of taste, you'll need a hell of a lot more than that.
The most amusing part to me is this whole thing you start where Naruto is 'uninterested' in sex, or basically just has sex with people while focusing on other stuff. Yes, oh my, he's so 'alpha' for that. It's also contradictory, since he abruptly shifts from being addicted to sex to being 'iuninterested' on the turn of a dime.
Not to mention how shitty Hinata is in this. Seriously -- Hinata allows this, does this, goes along with this? Licking Naruto's balls while he fucks Anko? That's pathetic. You need buildup to this kind of stuff, not just throwing it in our faces. Hinata is a demure, shy, conservative housewife. You can't just force her to be a slut from the first chapter because you're too much of a lazy cunt to develop her into what she is in this chapter.
And I haven't even started on how annoying, boring, and lackluster the 'Anko is a total sex crazed bitch' trope is. Then again, this fic is basically a collection of smut tropes, so whatever.
Even by NTR standards this is poor. What kind of NTR starts within five minutes of the first chapter? It doesn't -- good NTr is about the exact opposite of this. Even by dom/sub standards this is bad... as mentioned by the lack of any sort of buildup to this, not to mention Naruto acting horrendously out of character to the point where he's, ironically, basically a ripoff of Sasuke in this scenario. Which I find hilarious.
There's my review for the first chapter. Cheers!
I honestly think this chapter is the most hilarious of the entire fic. I mean don't get me wrong there are a lot of goofy plots that you've done so far but this one takes the cake.
In a smut fic I can take bare bones porn with little plot. I can take unrealistic characterization. But there are lines that once crossed transform the fic from 'cheap but guiltily enjoyed porn' to 'an epic clusterfuck of satire proportions',
Just... why? What was going through your head when you sat back and said "Hmnmm, what should this chapter be about? I know, Naruto decides to defeat the entire Hyuuga clan and simultaneously claim some fifty odd women as his personal cum dumps!" Like THAT is edge brother.
I'm just not sure why. What's the actual point of this? I mean I guess you enjoy the Sasuke-bashing, but you've already done this chapter before. It's literally just you taking a second go around of the exact same scenario for the sake of what - bashing Sasuke while turning Naruto into a lowrent version of him and then thinking that it makes Naruto particularly complex or deep?
Listen to me. There are good ways and bad ways to write netorare/cuckoldry. The good way generally preserves the characterization of the various individuals involved and develops it properly. The bad way is conjuring up ridiculous situations while you make constant references to alphas and giving every single woman in the universe the singular trait of being an easily broken slut.
I could take a steaming shit on the floor and it would be a better smutfic than this.
I was reading this chapter and i had a thought. How is it that you can have Naruto state that he loves his various women when he just continuously treats them like disposible tissues? Contempt like that is the opposite of affection.