To BigE2955 Yes to you there is a world beyond narutoxharems power wanking and character bashing and that is sasukexharems cuckoldry and naruto sissyfying cause that is what i see nowadays in each and every one of your fanfics that you post here its either cuck him or huumiliate him and when people do it to your precious sasuke-sama as i've said earlier it's blasphemy oh sasuke-sama is a genuine arrogant asshole so he gets all girls to spread their legs and fall in love with him while naruto is a timid loving cuck bitch thats your logic, each and everyone of your current fanfics always come up with sasuke cucks naruto and naruto takes it like a bitch with a smile on his face and you think thats quality writing well then fine good for you be happy with that just leave the rest of us to enjoy our naruto harems in peace i've stopped reading and reviewing your fics cause i know how predictable you can get with them alright nobody is telling you to stop writing what your writing just stop being a bloody hypocrite over here please thats all were asking.
@BigE
Where in any of your stories does logic exist? And sweep you away and engross you? Mate, I don't know who told you your story delivers that but they lied. Horribly.
I tried to read 3 separate stories of yours. 2 here and another on HF but I couldn't even get passed the half-way point. And those were the ones where Naruto is the MC so I think I can criticize your terrible writing and if that doesn't qualify me then how about the fact I'm a year away from getting my English Major. Doesn't matter? Don't believe me? I don't care.
And my purpose of the question is how can you offer help when everything you criticize him over is something you have absolutely no experience in whatsoever? You've written a few stories and suddenly you're a 'good author'? Get over yourself mate! I hate that I've wasted my time discussing this with either you when everyone and their entire bloodline could see that your problem is that he's bashed your favorite character and nobody from the Sasuke-fandom will raise hell about it like the Naruto-fandom did your stories while I'm still on the fence on whether Dai is an alternate account of yours or whether he actually has a pretty baseless problem that has a simple solution that involves not reading the story. Though he also could have just commented for the hell of it and is laughing at my reaction. Oh well.
Regardless what either of you say, I'm done discussing this with either of you as I think it's disrespectful to argue in the comment section of any author's story. SniperJoe if you are reading these, I apologize. For all of us.
This is going to my first review done for this site and it has come after looking at the argument going on. When it comes to my standards for smut, I only particularly care that spelling is decent, grammar is not distracting, and sentence structure is not too basic. Also, that the writing does not make me cringe when I read it. Example, I once read a story where a guy’s penis was called his spear of destiny. Terrible stuff. Now onto Kage Sexbomb. Structurally, the fic is fine. No glaring mechanical errors, especially in the post-Jamaica chapters. The sex scenes are hot and the descriptions are good.
Now onto the story itself, I’ll state what I have taken away for how the story works. This world is significantly different from the canon world, obviously or else the sex scenes wouldn’t happen. The world these shinobi seem to live in is one of debauchery where they are slaves to their own biology that forces them to act on their primal desires with no regard for decency or restraint. The men desire to dominate those around them and the females look to submit to the most dominant male in a twisted exaggeration of what people consider alpha. That’s how the story is framed, nothing too complex but it works. The story is told out of order and should probably best be looked at as vignettes framed around this world than one continuous story. Sniperjoe writes what he feels like writing so this works since it’s a fapfic. To me, if one were to extrapolate an overarching plot from story, I would consider it Naruto’s quest to dominate Tsunade and the consequences that came from pursuing and eventually achieving that goal. Tsunade is essentially the strongest woman in the world, so strong that no man could dominate her, and she essentially grooms Naruto in this story with the sole intention of claiming her. Most of this fic takes place after this point so after he’s claimed Tsunade, it’s obvious no woman would be able to resist him since the world works on a simple dynamic of strength and power. Other reviewers describe this version of Naruto as an asshole. He is, but you have to look contextually in the story. The women in the story adore him but that’s because he is an alpha sex god and they’re all broken by him. The only guys who show up are Sai, basically an emotionally stunted eunuch, and Sasuke, a guy who has at one point tried to kill every woman in his life that wasn’t his mother. Naruto expressing regret or lamenting his ability to bend women to his will isn’t him being portrayed as a nice guy, it’s him dealing with the fact that he can get away with anything through sheer force and also being scared that he likes doing it. In a way, he’s just as much a slave to his biology as the women are to him.
My recommendations for Sniperjoe. Don’t abandon the fic before you get to Tsunade’s claiming. My personal favorite chapters are Alley and Tsunade 1 since I like the way you write Tsunade and Hinata. Hinata is my favorite in the story because of the contrast of innocence and dirtiness so more of her is always great.
Great fic Man, love the smut.. Ignore that big Hypocrite bigE, he's just a sasgay fanboy want to make himself better.. oh, how about you curb stomp sasgay even more, make him watch Naruto Impregnate Sakura and Mikoto while they're ovulating.. ooh, that would be fantastic.. well, keep up the good work man..
And to bigE, get the fuck out of here! Go masturbate to your cocksucking sasgay!
I am happy to welcome you to the Church of Ino, brother. After following this story for months I am pleased to see you have finally accepted your feelings. I knew you were a potential member the moment I saw that your were making Ino the girl we as the audience spend the most time with and get to see every single step of her descent into sex-fueled madness. It is my hope that our Goddess may remain a highly functioning sex slave.
The idea that you might bring in RTN Ino fills me with joy, since she is a perfect mix between the two best girls in the whole Narutoverse, Ino amd Hinata. And you kmow what they say, it's always the silent ones.
If you really want to adventure into Blackmail/Bashing you could stretch things a bit and go A (Fourth Raikage) as a victim of blackmail. He was actually the one behind Hinata's kidnapping. And some fics like to imaginr that he has a relationship with his secretary Mabui.
Another possible victim of blackmail would actually be Onoki. I know it is never explicitly stated but you could play with the timeline a bit and have him be either in charge or a key player during the genocide of the Uzumaki clan.
Iwa's possible issues with the Yellow Flash could be play a role too.
By this point you have received so many reviews that I don't know if you even get to reading this one. But I still wanted to say that I truly love it. I finished reading it practically in one sitting the first time I came across your story. It is a testament to your writing skills that you manage to keep the reader invested throughout the entire story. A true great writer can, with his words, create a visual image in the readers' mind that gets the readers to fully emphatise, and engulf themselves in the story and events. And you succeeded admirably in this. From start to the end, every chapter, every event, it's all so captivating. And above all else you manage to keep the same 'tone' with your story in regards to the tone set in the first chapters. It's also extremely erotic.Your descriptions and inner monologues durign sex... pure sex, pure smut and pure awesomeness.
I love the fact that you weave several different story lines througout the story. The different stories with the Hyuuga's, Tsume, Sakura and Sarada for example, all the while juggling different time frames. All very interesting and refreshing to read. The pacing is also quite good. Normally the story is either too fast, with Naruto becoming akin to a sex god in the first chapter screwing the entire list of girls in one sitting, or too slow, with endless chapters droning on and on about filler subjects, misunderstandings and unresolved sexual tension.
The best part to me is when you showed the difference Naruto treats other women around him in contrast to his wife. While honorable, just and caring in one way he also holds his wife in greater standing. It was best shown in the third chapter. "
Naruto smiled. “You’re number one Hinata.” He said gently, kissing her neck.
She shuddered. She could still feel his hardness nestled comfortingly inside of her.
“I fought for everything in my life. I didn’t get any damn hand outs. I had to scrape my way to where I am. Except for you. You were free. You just came out of nowhere and loved me.” He explained, turning her head and kissing her languidly."
And his unceremonusly pulling out of Sakura to service Hinata propperly. Both a testament to how Naruto views his wife as something higher than the rest. I wonder, could we please get to see how events transpired before the first chapter? How Naruto and Hinata (and perhaps others) interacted before?
Nevertheless, I cant stress anought that I really like your work. You've succeded to such an extent that you sir, are among the greats in writing. I can spend an entire day talking about how awesome your writing is. But just let me summarize by saying: "You sir, you *ROCK!"
Unbelievable. Now there's two of them.
Look don't let BigE and Dai get you down. It's like they haven't actually read the story, or else they are just projecting a whole lotta their own nonsense.
They both say that Naruto is cruel and that you've justified it.
Now if he's justified then he's not an asshole.
Like they just describe a three dimensional character as if it's some horrifying thing.
Saying Naruto is sometimes bad and sometimes good, just means he’s a mortal red blooded male.
But it's because I've skimmed their stuff and those characters are about as textured as a sheet of A4 printer paper.
I myself get the premise that all the kunoichi are submissive and Naruto’s a big ol’ alpha because he’s OP strong. It's not even hard to buy. Like you said, all the girls are kunoichi and half of them share blood with aliens (Ototsuki clan) so I mean the premise isn’t even that hard to buy.
You make it clear enough, and repeat it in different ways so that it's not too repetitive. But I can tell how important it is to you that the premise is brought up now and then.
How are they saying that he's raping Ino, when she jumped his dick in the Onsen?
How can he be taking away Hyuuga Identity. I remember that they started calling themselves cocksleaves because they were jostling for that D.
Naruto never called himself a saint. He admits to his mother that he’s had a debauched life and he’s worried if it’s ok.
In other words everythng has a reason and a context. And it's not a bad thing. It's not going out of your way to justify actions. That's called plot.
They just wouldn't understand what plot looks like if it bit them in the ass.
The meanest your Naruto ever was, was during chapter 2. And it's super justified. Hell it's justified just by watching Cannon Shippuden. Sakura treats him like shit from day one. And Sasuke tried to kill Karin, Sakura, and Naruto, and all the Kage, and Konoha as a whole. Like holy shit if you want a saint then cannon Naruto is the real saint.
You can hate your best friend. And if Sasuke was my best friend, I would hate him too.
Great chapter once again. I am really enjoying these recent chapters mainly because they feel different and change up the formula. I am looking forward to chapters with more of a storyline to tie them together.
Talking about changing the formula, I was wondering about some of the plans you have for your future pairings. Obviously she would still a sub who was having the best sex of her life, but more in a fantastic hook up kinf of way instead "I want to build a shrine dedicated to you." The ladies who would be perfect to fulfill this role would probably be the female jinchuriki. You could use their increased stamina. At this point I don't think anyone would hold it agaisnt if you brought back Fuu and Yugito from the dead.
Another thing I was wondering is if you ever considered dabbling into genderbend stuff. MOstly because I feel like it would be th eultimate humiliation for someone like Sasuke if he got hit with a temporary cross between the Sexy Jutsu and Fuinjutsu. You could stretch it out over a few chapters if you wanted to show him slowly stop fighting it or whatever. Or you could have a softer route and go with someone like Sai who just really felt curious about how sex felt and since he can't get hard, then he should probably try it as the other gender.
On a more tame note, with the addition of Kushina, I am also looking forward tomore MILFs coming soon. Mei and Tsume need some loving. Ayame is also almost old enough to be considered one depending on when in the timelineyou decide to add her.
Best of Luck
LordSinnoh
Thanks for another update I was running out of stuff to read and congrats on making me feel bad for Sai, seeing how Sakura turned out he really should’ve known better oh well.
I'm flattered that you think I'm a good writer, and I think the same of you. I had my doubts before, but Kushina 1 and 2 proved that to me... which is why seeing you regress into these Onsen chapters is disappointing in a way.
Anyway, not much happened in this chapter aside from the Sai thing, so, I'll go on a tangent about what I feel is one of the biggest problems with this story.
It's that your Naruto is a giant asshole -- yet, you try to paint him as a good guy in the story.
He rapes women. He breaks women's minds without a second thought. I mean... seriously. His best friend, Sasuke, and he not only rapes his wife but he goes out of his way to antagonize his best friend over it. (That's not even getting into how absurd the whole 'betting his wife's body' thing was, but whatever.) And what about Sai? Not his best friend, but his good friend. Any normal person would have said 'I'm not doing that' to Sai's offer to 'Take care of his wife'.
And really, the whole raping parts? Tsume? Sakura? How can you see someone who would rape his other best friend as good? You can't. He's a cunt.
The whole 'he just seeks love thing' is crazy, too. Because this has to be some kind of abusive love he wants to give other people. He's dominnaering, he insults and belittles them, he refuses to let them live normal lives, he constantly has to usurp his authority over them. Even his wife, Hinata, is reduced to little more than a cock slut -- she's painted as some 'tamed maiden', but every time Naruto gets his cock near her she seems to melt into a whore just like the others.
Come on, man. This story would be hell of a lot better if you had gone from the beginning to make Naruto the asshole, but you haven't. You constantly try to justify the actions of a guy who demands this from a woman: '“You keep saying that! But who’s this God you refer to?! Huh?! Who’s your God, slut?!”'
The funniest part is that your Naruto... acts kind of like canon Sasuke would. Just a canon Sasuke that's lost all positive traits and really has no reason to do any of the things he does.
Oh well. That's my two cents. Offer to join my discord is still wide open; no matter how much I might criticize your story, I still think you're a good writer, and would love to have you on there if only so you could listen to some more opinions. Link: https://discord.gg/4qdeJcx
Have a great day!
- BigE