rate_review Reviews

Hm. Interesting start, has even space for a, *gasp*, real plot, too. I mean that sincerely by the way. There are some grammar spelling mistakes though that tripped me up while reading. E. g.: "still an impressive feet"; feet -> feat Concerning the girls/women: I'm not sure about Mikoto, including makes it more AU and thus harder to write well. I don't know who Natsu Hyuuga is. Ino's mother is a non-entity in canon, see Mikoto what to do. Personally, I'm a fan of fem!Haku, but that might be overdone. So I'm suggesting Tayuya, including her is most often a plus :P

Pretty good stuff. I am surprised you managed to keep the characters true to their canon personality and still told a interesting and arousing story. I definitly want to see where this one goes.

How about FemSasuke(Sayuki)? I think that if one of them we're a girl, and attracted to men, canon would have ended with them together.

A very interesting concept with a good beginning to the story. Looking forward to Tenten and Natsu Hyuuga. Keep up the good work.

Wow, this is really a mind bending fic done right. As long as the genjutsu's limitations are adhered to, nothing is taken out of proportion too quickly, then this'll be one of the best fics out there.

This is promising.A couple of grammar mistakes here and there but nothing criminal. I liked the good solid chunk of buildup, hope you do the same with the next chapters.The smut part itself wasn't bad, but it wasn't spectacular either.I think you can do better. What I didn't like was the pre-Shippuuden setting.Maybe that's why I didn't like the smut.They were pretty much kids in pre-Shippuuden and I can't help but imagine them as kids here in your story.Little flat-chested girls don't really do it for me.Even if you include mature women - little boy having sex with 30+ yo woman isn't exactly hot.Not for me anyway.And if you add features of mature women to 12 yo girls or give little Naruto a huge cock it'll just be more ridiculous. I'll read the second and maybe the third chapters if you make them,I'm not throwing this in the bin after one chapter, seeing that it clearly has potential.But unless there's a time jump or a plain time line change, I can't treat it as erotic fiction.Having written all this, I'm not exactly criticising you.Just stating my preferences.If you and your other readers like it than who am am to tell to change it?Anyway, I wish you inspiration and good luck in your writing. P.S. I also see that the next chapter will most likely be Ino.I'm a sucker for Ino but if she's portrayed as a little girl it's still a major turn-off.

hmm about the targets... anko and konan ? Maybe Mei ? spice it up with some fetishes :)

Very nice. I hope to see Naruto starts becoming more demanding, assertive, and greedy as the fic goes on. As for females: Yugao, Samui and Konan.

Nice chapter so it just makes them listen to him more but then i wonder why sakura did that i wonder if it also affects what naruto is thinking. Glad it just doesnt get the girls to fall in love with him right of the bat cant wait to see ino and hinata next.

I hope you add girls from other villages, Fuu and Konan especially!