" as Kaka-sensei was now irredeemably addicted to his cock. "
Kakashi being broken is fine, but I feel like the scene should be a bit longer. A blowjob and some sex is always nice, but maybe go to town a little more? Tayuya getting broken later in the fic is really where your writing shines. And MInato too gets a good run being somewhat cuckolded.
Sasuke at this point is still a young virgin lad. He shouldn't be breaking a girl, or if he is, it should be a monumental effort.
" Her tongue darted out, sliding along her cheek as she lapped up as much of the delicious seed as she could possibly manage. "
Now you're stepping it up. I feel like sometimes a cumshot gets forgotten. It's there and should be dripping and sticking to everything. So props for dealing with it properly. Also 'seed'. It's good to switch it up. So many times I'd read a fic where it's always just called 'cum'.
Really enjoyed the Sai scenes. The sex itself could have been longer, but you really nailed his/her personality. The exasperated way Sasuke deals with her just describing how she's strangely wet is just how I can see them interacting.
I think this chapter is where the story really hits its stride. The first couple of ones were a little bland, but once we head into this lemons it's much improved. 'Slick with saliva', 'pussy lips wrapped lewdly'. It's more evocative.
Also the sex itself has a bit more rhythm to it. There's more emotional involvement on Kushina and Minato's side than there was for Kakashi or Sai.
I think that the scenes with Tayuya are my favourties. They're pretty filthy, and I like how Sasuke humiliates her constantly. Kin and Tayuya are both pretty exemplary of the dominance fetish.
Wish there was moar.
Now this is what I'm talking about when I say you need to play up the incest angle. Yeah they had sex, but going into it they were conflicted. Even at the start of the act, Sasuke was confused about it. Preserves the erotica of it. Well done.
I think this is the first time that I've seen you use the Kage Bunshin 'right'. It's no different than what you might write if it was Sasuke and Naruto double teaming a girl. Each guy, whether they're Sasuke's clones or not, are doing their own thing. So they should all get a bit of focus. It was split up here because there was two women, but if you can switch between them like this when it's one person you'll have the gangbang skillz.
I'm really liking your Sasuke/Tayuya interactions. It's proper dommy stuff.
Now, I would like to mention something. You make Hanabi in this older and give her big breasts. I'm not so worried about the age thing - if you don't want to write 'underage' sex that's your call. But you should try to avoid changing her appearance like that. Every girl in Naruto has their own appeal I guess. Hinata is the tit cow. Hanabi is like a lithe tight gymnast. By making them both the same you reduce variety, and the smut suffers.
A corollary though is that it is fine in a body mod situation. If Sasuke wanted to make all women tit cows and used something to modify their bodies, that's a fetish of its own that you can work with.
" transforming her from a prim and proper Hyuga heiress into a filthy slut "
And this is why Hinata is my favourite in this chapter too. Sasuke and I, we understand each other.
Lots of good dom stuff in this one. Kushina stepped up her depravity and Tayuya finally breaks. The only thing I'd really say is moar pls. I love this kind of stuff.
The Kyuubi scene reminds me of 'Sasuke's Condition'. I know that this fic is probably done with, but I think you could do a lot with the Sharingan hypnosis angle. Branch out the fetishes a bit :3.