Yup. Definitely needs different name. While fic goes through same milestones as previous fic, it follows different path.
Good, Hinata finally can accept and admit that Sasuke is much better at sex than Naruto is. I do still hope that she seriously apologizes to Sasuke for that. Maybe even offer to let him do something with her as he likes as a way of making it up, and Sasuke suggests anal. Hinata's ass will never be the same again after that.
LMAO XD Oh god, such a classic case of misunderstandings. A guy and a girl go into a forest together and come out all sweat and dirty, but not dirty in the perverted way. Persoanlly, I feel Boruto wouldn't go and ask someone to tell him what should be done but rather go and get to the bottom of things. But I guess it needed to be set up that Himawari shows that she's got a thing for Sasuke.
... Okay, I won't lie. That moment when Sasuke was leaving and thinking that he was certainly not running away made me laugh a little too hard.
I do like how Sasuke is still trying to give lessons to Naruto and Hinata. But personally, feels like Sasuke should have avoided Hinata a bit more. Guess he didn't realize that he did give some damage to Hinata and thinks that she's just fine. And we even see signs that Hinata is losing interest in Naruto for sex, as she even refused sex with him there and instead going right back to thinking on Sasuke.
At this rate, maybe one or two chapters more left before Hinata just loses it.
While I understand why you wanted to re-write the story, I don't think I like the adjustments you made. Too bad
To be completely honest I've been struggling with this genre of smut.
I realize that this might be what people get off on, and to be clear, I enjoy it too at times. Recently though, it's all there is that's available with the characters I'm most familiar with. It's mostly just cuckolding stuff or massive harems.
Some of your other work, like spot light and the one with Satsuki were a breath of fresh air. But I feel like it's getting a bit repetitive.
Not knocking your writing. It's progressing well. But idk. I don't really identify with any of the male characters. And I find the general depiction of females unhelpfully degrading.
Not going anywhere near SJW. We all have our fetishes and darker sides. Just saying I'd appreciate some hot and heavy stuff that I could read with a FWB while getting it on (I know it sounds Hella weird when I say it like that lol)
I'm sure you know I pitch random ideas. And I'm sure this one has never been done.
How about having Jiraya as a main character? Even though Naruto and Tsunade made fun of his pervyness let's not forget that he wrote those novels from experience and not (or even most) of it wasn't voyeurism. He had women hanging off of him and attempting to seduce him (case in point he didn't get tied down to the woman village full of women) so it's obvious he got some major action.
He's one of the most likeable and relatable characters in the story so I think a peek into his life style would be interesting.
He WAS a spy master after all, I always got a bit of James bond (ish) vibe from him, except that he used his blatant pervyness to hide behind and misdirect people from how strong he was. I also always thought that the way they killed Jiraya off was kind silly giving Nagato the advtange of home base, rannigan secrets and introducing his weird/imperfect? Sage mode was too many odds stacked against him. And Jiraya's obsessiveness with trying and dying to find out pain's secrets rather than taking the numerous chances he had to escape/retreat was dumb AF.
I'm not saying give Jiraya a harem. But try exploring him as "The gallant" Jiraya more. I'm sure a lot of women wanted to establish a REAL relationship with him and probably tried coercing him with sex, but I think that also gives a chance to explore the whole Tsunade/Jiraya act in a serious light would be a fun bit of literature.
I'm actually getting sick of how easily and frequently we see a submissive and easily sexually defeated Tsunade. I think what people tend to forget is that, after her being busty, beautiful and powerful she is also a leading medical expert. She probably knows more ways to pleasure the human body than ten-tens whole entire arsenal of weapons.
Exploring her as a woman who could make men and women orgasm with but a few touches or force men to stay aroused for hours on end would be a fun challenge.
Having her find her equal in Jiraya would seal the romantic part of the deal. But you seem to favour Sasuke (although personally I find the development of both Naruto and Sasuke, especially in that crap Boruto to be immensely disappointing) so maybe you could have her teach him or something.
Good day man.
I realized how bitchy my previous review sounded lol. Sorry haha. Mb.
I'm just really disappointed how they show adult Naruto. I always thought he would be the fun, weird uncle to every kid hokage while maintaining a "wise beyond his years" persona where he lets slip pearls of wisdom learned from Hiruzen (when he was a kid) and his philosophical talks with Jiraya. While Sasuke would be the one who had like 3-4 kids who he strictly but lovingly trained and were the most powerful kids in the village due to Sasuke's passion about redeeming the Uchiha.
For such passionate people, while they would calm down with age. They're both just depressing to watch. I kinda figured Naruto as a kinder, more actively caring character who wanted to keep on fighting amazingly strong people (kinda like a wiser, smarter Goku) while Sasuke would be the Vageta (making the Uchiha name known in the world again).
The cluster fuck they made it into just makes it agonizingly depressing.
There. Now you have the reason why I'm being so bitchy. Weird thing to rant about on a porn(ish) site but there you go
I like this story. I would like it if you could update this one before the others. Thanks.
No bad. As good as the original. Wish Sasuke broke other females as well tho. Or have Naruto do the breaking X3
Hinata insulting Sasuke like that seemed OOC and just came out of nowhere to me, it seemed to be used just as a plot device to get Sasuke to try and break her. Other than that I enjoyed it greatly, not really sure I like the idea of Naruko being involved again though.
For narutos "naruko" form can it not be perfect so if the pleasure is to much he turns back into naruto?? It'd add to the humiliation and hinata or sakura would find it hot?? when naruko does get with sasuke and they do anal "naruto" would pop back by accident or a Naru Trap version would be appropriate, just thought I'd give you that idea :) this is amazing thou I do hope sakura also gets into this more, I mean this might be called narutos fetish but sakura did ask sasuke to do it so she should also get a favor from naruto, I mean she is a medic nin so you also have plenty to work with there medical wise, I could also see sakura whispering stuff regarding size and how sasuke fucks hinata into narutos ear as he watch's hinata get pounded, also with naruto will there be any ass play
Oh my god, Hinata. REALLY? That has to be the most retarded thing you have ever done, and possibly something I find to be VERY out of character for you.
Like really, aren't you attacking Sasuke and hitting him a little below the belt there?
Why would you provoke and actually insult your husband's best friend there? Even Naruto is shocked that you would do something like that. Maybe you want to reject Sasuke so you don't succumb to his cock by insulting him, but still, to actually attack him in such a manner, you deserved what you got there, and you are lucky that Sasuke STILL held himself back. Cause if he wanted to, he could have continued to fuck you and even gangbang you.
Anyways, to the earlier part, I do like how you had that Sasuke's immesen skill in sex is actually because he fucked a lot of women in the past. Bet Orochimaru was also intended to possibly make some new Uchihas for experimentation. Either way, Sasuke's fears that he might break Hinata since he's broken countless women before is something I feel should be taken more seriously.
Oh well, now Hinata is already headed on the road to being Sasuke's cock slave. Good chapter. Can't wait to see how much further she'll go before she wants to make babies with him. ;3