Hi! Me again. The same points i've mentioned in the chapter before still stand.
While reading the reviews I couln't help but agree with some of 0_fLeX-.1s ideas. Particularly the KushinaxHiashixFugaku dynamic. It might just be me but I think that Hiashi or Fugaku would be a way hotter pairing than old man Sarutobi.
I have 3 things about the chapter
1) I'm not sure how to feel for Fugaku don't see Kushina's body.
- for one side, it's a little worn that each and every man on scene end lookig her butt. so it was nice see someone not do it.
- by other and, I have kinks that want to see Kushina with fugaku or Hiashi (it's a clan fight kink. to this day I haven't find a fanfic with both)
2) I like the scene of the kiss betewen Kushina and Mikoto. I hope someday see the both without any interruption.
3) when minato back home, if Kushina and he had sexual moments, don't make him the classic "the faster ninja ever" (small penis with no resistense), its too cliche
I really enjoy it, and I'll waiting the next one.
Your story is good and writing style is great, but this fic has some serious issues.
Like the user "Dude" said the pacing of this fic is reaaaally freaking slow, generally I don't have problems with this kind of "porn with plot" fics but this is AFF, not Fanfiction or Wattpad where you can take all the time of the world to put a sex scene, peolple here want porn/smut not plot, at the slow pace your story is going the first sex scene will happen in chapter 30 or more.
And THAT fact maybe not motivate readers of this site keep reading this story or left they reviews.
Now, after reading "To Be Hokage: Side Stories" I have a suggestion for the future sex scenes of "To Be Hokage"; A big problem I saw, at least for me, is the lack of more details in the sexual scene's descriptive texts.
Add more details in this kind of scenes greatly improves the experience and will be more erotic for the reader, for example the texture of Kushina's pussy, what's Hiruzen feeling put his cock inside of her? It's soft and smooth? her vaginal walls feels silky or velvety? Help your readers to imagine how great and hot is the moment that Hiruzen is experience, and don't forget to describe what Kushina feels too.
Without that kind of details the scenes is just boring to read.
And that's it, sorry if my english is weird in some parts, not my mother lenguage XD.
a luxury chapter 10/10 I will look forward to the next one
Wish Hiruzen left the panties be! Good chapter
Ok so you want a review. First the positives. I really dig your writing style.
- Very clean and easy to read
- Fantastic average chapter length
- i'm a sucker for Kushina fics ngl
Now the negatives, which make me way less invested in this fic compared to, lets say, Enigmatic Affair.
- I don't have much love for the Mikoto x Kushina pairing attempt, it just doesn't do it for me
- the personal biggest offender in my opinion: the pacing. 13 chapter in and we're still at light groping, voyeur antics and perving behind her back. This "slow burn" story just feels wayyy too slow burn. And not to forget this is AFF where people just want a quick fap most of the times.
I only hope the NTR aspect of this story speeds up quite a bit in later chapters because if it does, i'm pretty sure this would be a pretty outstanding fic.
Great chapter. Looking forward to more, hope you update soon. :)
the plot is good, not too fast and not too slow
I liked that chapter, but I feel that the last one was too short.
I have to say that I would have liked that last part, of "Kushina's dream", maybe it would be good if you made it longer next time.
maybe have her read a part of the book icha icha, and have her act out those situations in her dreams and see how she experiences them.
If she doesn't know what to think about what she experiences, if are dreams that she likes or if she just lets herself go without being aware that it is a dream.
I think for this point you can make some good scenarios.
I really enjoy your story, and I like a lot the "side stories" one, I will waiting for the next.
I like this kind of story because no is just porn without context