Will you be there when I fall?

“blah”=speech ‘blah’=thought ~>*<~blah~>*<~ = Song Lyrics

Warnings: Self-mutilation.

Disclaimers: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! One day Masashi Kishimoto!!! One day!!!!!

Notes: First things first!!!! I do not have a beta reader so if I have any volunteers?? Any at all…I mean I am just reading through it at the end of the story and mistakes I catch are yeahs the ones I don't * shrugs *
Ok onto the real stuff this one is one sad story. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote it but as all stories do this one starts out rough but it will run along more smoothly promise!! Ok here is a twist for you!! COME OUT of your protective shells of Kaka X Iruka and witness some heartache and something new. This fic is paired Iruka X Genma!!! Whoa!! Hold onto your assets kiddies because this is going to be one wild ride I can promise that!!! Oh and on a more...less important note Naruto is older than 12 in this fic. Think around 19. I am not sure why but Kakashi, Iruka and Genma just seem forever ageless to me. Anyway you will see why this info. is vital. Thank you for reading I love you all!!!
One more thing before you leave…I fell very hard and fast for the Iruka X Genma pairing after I read the fic. Faint.( That’s where I got the idea to write a Iruka X Genma fic!!!!) It’s a lovely fanfiction and I want you all to go read it and leave her a nice review!!

Feedback: Well duh!!!! Flames of course will be used to fuel my over active imagination * smiles broadly *


Chapter One:
Break my Heart
>V> ATB >V>

Iruka pressed his forehead to the cool glass of his window and he opened his eyes as thunder clapped overhead. He had papers to grade and new lesson plans to write but none of it seemed important right now. He shut his eyes tightly and a single glossy tear ran down his smooth cheek. Things weren’t supposed to end the way they had, he was supposed to live forever with the one he loved but now, as the pain tore at him from the inside, he could do nothing but cry.
>V>I can check out any time I like
Nothing hurts like brave tomorrows >V>


> Flashback <

The morning dawned bright and early, the sunlight pouring through Iruka’s open window, bathing him and another body in warm sunlight.
Iruka sighed and snuggled closer to the warm body next to him. He buried his face into a soft neck and placed little kisses there. It was early and the body next to him shifted slightly in response to the kisses. He smiled as lovely mismatched eyes opened and stared at him, “ Morning Kakashi-koi.” He whispered before leaning down and gently brushing his lips over the Jonin’s soft ones.

>At the end of your line
Close the door and hide the phone <

“Morning,” Kakashi answered allowing Iruka’s gentle lips to brush his but rolling out from under him before he could kiss him fully. As he sat on the edge of the bed he could hear the young chunin crawling up behind him and he flinched slightly as the young teachers soft hands touched his shoulder. He knew what the chunin was going to as and he waited, holding his breath.
“Kakashi? What's wrong?” Iruka whispered, usually in the morning the first thing the hormonally raging Jonin would do was make out with him, then he would drag him to the shower and “bathe” him. So what was so different this morning? Was the Jonin feeling sick? Why was he being so cold to him? He felt the Jonin flinch under his touch and the silver haired mans silence made him feel uneasy. He leaned forward and kissed his lovers bare shoulder softly, “ Kakashi?”

> Nip the bud and still the branches <

“Iruka…” Kakashi whispered and though he had sworn he wouldn’t cry, he could feel the tears jump to his eyes, “ Iruka I’m sorry but…I can’t do this anymore.” He felt his throat tighten and he stood, keeping his back to Iruka, silent and still on the bed. He knew if he turned around he would break and he bit his lip hard. “ I am so sorry Iruka.” He whispered again before making his way out of the room and slowly climbing down the stairs to the kitchen. He would wait till the young chunin took a shower before he got his clothes and left…forever.

> I should have told you <

When Kakashi whispered his name he felt his stomach sink and he went absolutely still, waiting for the Jonin to finish. But what the silver haired Jonin whispered made his heart stop and he stared as the man he loved tore him to pieces with 5 simple words, “ I cant do this anymore “ His throat collapsed on itself and he couldn’t speak as he watched the Jonin leave his room.

> That’s not the way
That’s no way to break my heart <

He sat quietly, not sure what to do next. It felt like someone was twisting a kunai in his heart and his cheeks were damp with silent tears. How was he supposed to go on? The person who had sworn to love him till the end of time had just told him time had ended and with it the mans love. His hands curled into fist in the sheets and he could feel a cry of pain and rage tearing at his throat and he opened his mouth and let go.
Kakashi sank down onto the couch, tears still standing in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. His body trembled with the effort and there was a sort of pain in his chest. He didn’t want to leave his lovely Iruka but he couldn’t stay with him anymore either. He chocked down a sob as he stared at the carpeted floor, he had to go, had to leave the place that held too many memories. He fingered the silver ring on his left hand and he felt a pain twist in his chest. Suddenly he heard Iruka's cry from upstairs and he closed his eyes tightly allowing the tears to finally fall. He had never heard his lovers voice filled with so much pain and hurt.

> I should have told you <

Iruka cried till nothing came but dry sobs and his chest was tight with both pain and lack of oxygen. He didn’t know if Kakashi was still in the house and he glanced at the clock on the bedside table, 1:30 PM. He took a deep shuddering breath and rolled out of bed, as he stood his knees buckled causing him to sink to the floor. He sat there for a moment, biting back tears before standing and he walked shakily to the bathroom.
Upon entering the bathroom he turned on the sink, cupping the water in his hands but before he could splash the cool water onto his face, a flash of silver caught his eye and he froze staring at the silver ring on his left ring finger. He felt the bile rise in his throat and he spit into the sink. His body began trembling and fresh tears came to his eyes. Suddenly, there was a noise behind him and he looked up into the mirror, eyes locking with an icy blue and a blood red one. He inhaled sharply before turning around slowly.

> That’s not the way
That’s not the way to break my heart <

Kakashi stared into Iruka's swollen, red eyes before turning to gather his clothes from the dresser drawers and swallowing the tears that came to his throat. He knew the young chunin had been crying, he only came up because he heard the young teacher enter the bathroom. He quickly undressed, feeling the gaze of his former lover on his back and he dressed quietly. After gathering his things he started for the door but upon reaching the bedroom door he heard a soft whisper from the young chunin behind him, stopping him in his tracks.

> That’s no way to break my heart <

“ Why?” Iruka whispered, his voice cracking. “Why, Kakashi? Why don't you love me anymore?” he could feel his hands shaking and his voice trembled as he tried not to cry. He waited for a moment, his sadness slowly draining and being replaced with a hot rage as Kakashi refused to turn to him, refused to answer him. “ Damn it Kakashi! Answer me!!”

> I could tell by the way you walked <

“ I can’t do it anymore, Iruka…” Kakashi whispered and he took a deep breath before turning to face the young chunin. The chunin’s cheeks were stained with tears and his stance radiated the hurt he was in. It tore at him, tore at something deep in him but…”Iruka, there is…someone else…I’m so sorry.”

> I could tell by the way you gave me <

“Bull shit!!” Iruka screamed. His eyes closed tight as tears fell on his shaking hands. “ That’s bull shit.” He whispered and his shoulders shook with silent sobs. He was silent for a moment, trying to regain a shred of self-control and he lifted his head but refused to meet Kakashi’s eyes. “ Who?”
“ I cant…” Kakashi whispered, swallowing hard as Iruka took a step towards him. He saw the young chunin fiddle with something on his hand and he heard something clatter to the floor. He heard it roll to his feet and he looked down to see the silver ring he had given the young chunin. He bent down and picked up the ring holding it tightly in his hand. “ Iruka I’m sorry… I cant.”

> What I knew wasn’t mine <

“Kakashi…I loved you,” Iruka whispered, his voice trembling with more rage than hurt. “ I loved you damn it, more that anything!! We were supposed to love each other forever! We were supposed to be true to each other and goddamn it I loved you…” his voice rose to a scream before it fell again to a whisper and his knees gave way and he sank to the floor again. “ Tell me who it is damn it…tell me.” He whispered to the hard wood floor and he bit his lip as he heard Kakashi take a deep breath.
Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut tight and clasped the ring tightly. “ Iruka…” he knew he should tell the man, he had a right to know but the knowledge would rip him to pieces and despite the fact that he was leaving, he still loved the young chunin.

> Doesn’t matter if its all night long <

“ Tell me!!!” Iruka screamed, wrapping his arms around himself as he pressed his forehead to the floor hoping he would simply fall right through. No matter how bad he wanted to hear who it was he had the horrible feeling in his stomach that he wasn’t going to like the answer.
“ Naruto…” Kakashi whispered, his whisper was so soft he didn’t think Iruka had heard him but suddenly the young chunin was off the floor and his soft fingers were wrapped around his neck. He looked into the chocolate eyes just inches from his, full of rage and hurt. “ I’m sorry,” he whispered but the hand tightened around his throat and he chocked.

> Doesn’t matter if you’re gone by Monday <

“ Bastard!! You damn bastard!! You go behind my back and pick the one person you know I love more than you!! FUCK YOU!!!” Iruka screamed as tears ran down his face, the hand around Kakashi’ throat becoming gradually tighter and he felt the Jonin place his hand over his. “ How could you?” he whispered and he let go of the older man, stumbling back so he could sit on the bed. He placed a hand on his chest and he looked up at the Jonin one last time. “ Get out”

> Just as long as your right <

“ Iruka, I’m sorry.” Kakashi whispered taking a cautious step towards the silent Iruka. Suddenly a steel blur flew towards him and on instinct he reached up and caught the kunai the young chunin had thrown at him

> I should have told you <

“ Your not sorry, stop saying you are…just leave” Iruka whispered, staring at the pale spot on his finger where the silver ring used to be. He knew the kunai wouldn’t hit the more skilled Jonin but he tried and he quietly waited for the older man to leave. When he didn’t hear any movement he closed his eyes tightly, all wanted now was to be alone, “ Please?”

> That’s not the way <

Kakashi bit back the urge to go take his broken lover in his arms and hold him close to his chest the way he often did when Iruka was hurt or upset but he couldn’t. The young chunins plea for him to leave was full of pain and defeat and it tore at his heart mercilessly. He turned his back on his lover for the last time and left.
> End Flashback<

> I should have told you <

Iruka hadn’t moved from the bed since he heard Kakashi leave. The pillows were damp from his tears and the sink was still running. He didn’t have the energy to get up and turn it off, nor did he have the energy to get up and eat. He simply sat there, watching the sun sink and the rain come to cry with him.
He was sure his face was swollen and his eyes puffy and red but he didn’t care, he wasn’t going to leave the house anytime soon. He pressed his hot face to the window, sighing as the lovely cool glass gently caressed his cheeks. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw the glint of the kunai he had thrown earlier on the ground and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from it.

> That’s not the way <

He rolled over to the edge of his bed and gingerly stood up. His head was pounding from crying for so long and his legs were a bit shaky but he managed to walk over to the abandoned kunai. He stared at it for a long moment, and then glanced up at the bathroom sink before he bent down, scooped up the kunai and laid it on his dresser. He continued staring at it and he could feel the rage building in him as Kakashi’s voice echoed in his head. ‘ I can’t do this any more…there’s another…Naruto…’
He gave a cry of rage and grabbed the kunai off his desk. He ran to the bed and slashed the pillows, feathers flew through the air but he didn’t see them as he grabbed things off the nightstand and threw them as hard as he could to the opposite wall.

> That’s no way <

Vases and lamps shattered. The bedding was reduced to strips of cloth and the torn remains of the pillows littered the floor. Pictures were hurled across the room, glass shattering and the frames cracking but Iruka didn’t care as he screamed and cried.
When he couldn’t find anything left to throw he sank to the floor, the kunai still clutched in his hand and he gave a start when he felt the sharp bite of the steel cut into his flesh. He stared through his tears as his dark blood stained the floor beneath him and as he watched the blood trickle he felt something in his chest loosen as the blood caught the fading sunlight.

> That’s no way to break my
That’s no way to break my heart <

He raised the sharp kunai and hesitantly drew the blade across his forearm. He closed his eyes as the warm liquid dripped down his arm and he sighed softly it felt like the pain in his chest was leaving him with the droplets of blood and he made another cut, deeper and longer than the one before. He gasped as the blood flowed faster and a sharp pain ran through his arm, but to his immense surprise under the biting pain was a strange sort of pleasure.
He jumped up quickly and threw open the window, sighing as the rain and cool wind kissed his cheeks softly. He felt the sticky blood drying on his arm and the pain came again. He jumped out the window, still clutching the kunai in his hand and he dropped to the grass with shinobi grace. For a moment he simply crouched there, letting the rain dampen his hair and trace the path his tears took moments ago, before taking off for the familiar spot of his parent’s grave.

> I don't know what side your on <

Iruka sank to the damp ground by the memorial stones, pressing his forehead to the wet names before turning and pressing his back to the stone, leaning his head back as a stray tear coursed down his cheek. The tearing pain in his chest made itself know and he raised the kunai again. All he wanted was the pain to go away, diminish even and as he pulled the deadly weapon across his wrist the blood came and the pain dimmed.

> I don't know what makes you so happy <

Cut after cut, the edge of the kunai was stained a watery red as the rain caused the blood on his arm to drip off his elbow and he watched it mix with the mud. He hadn’t realized he was losing so much blood till he felt his head become light and he began to see black dots in his vision, making him blink furiously. He looked down at his arm cautiously, hissing at the sight of so much blood and a sudden panic filled him.

> Except watching me cry <

He tried to stand, thinking that he could make it to the hospital even with the amount of blood he had lost but as he got to his feet and attempted to take a step he fell back on the stones, sinking back to the ground in defeat. He began crying again, feeling the hot tears mix with the cold raindrops on his cheeks and he didn’t even attempt to stop the blood flow.

> Like a ghost <

“Iruka?”

> Holding onto nothing <

Iruka's head rolled to his shoulder and he looked to the direction of the voice. His eyes wouldn’t focus properly and all he saw was a blurry outline of the man before him. For a moment his heart jumped to his throat and his hopes soared as he though Kakashi was standing before him but as quickly as it had come, it left as the figure took a step towards him and placed a gentle hand on his.

> I’m leaving you know <

He immediately realized it wasn’t Kakashi as the man tore the kunai out of his grasp and whispered to him softly. Kakashi’s fingers weren’t as long, weren’t as gentle and Iruka struggled to focus on the face before him. Suddenly his surroundings came into focus painfully and Genma Shiranui was the last thing he saw before the darkness swallowed him.

>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>V>
Last Words: * Dodges sharp objects * OMG I’m sorry!!!! I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!! I’m just a sadist that’s all you can’t hurt me for something like that!!!! Please leave me a review, it makes all the difference in the world when they are nice but if they aren’t I wont cry for long…they will just be used as fuel to fuel my over active imagination. ^_^