Survey

A good bit of credit goes to my beta, Most flogged, for the survey itself and a crapload of ideas.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto, godfuckingdammit.

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1. What's your name: Uchiha Sasuke.
2. What do you wish your name was, instead: I like my name the way it is.
3. How are you: Bored.
4. Would you ever eat sushi? Yes.
5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body? …yes. Unless it was my brother. Then I’d kill him.
6. Have you considered homosexuality? I never looked at girls.
7. What's your sexual preference? Naruto.
8. What were you in a past life? A happy little boy who didn’t have an evil older brother.
9. I punch you. Quick, what do you do? I punch you back. Harder.
10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you...? Couldn’t care less.
11. What's your favorite coffee? I don’t drink coffee.
12. What's your political perspective? The Hokage is the Hokage. Big deal.
13. Are you my Angel? I am not yours. I belong to no one. Not even my brother.
14. Do you consider yourself a poet? No.
15. What do you wanna be when you grow up? The killer of my brother. An avenger.
16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do? If it’s Naruto, I fuck him. If it’s my brother, I kill him.
17. How stupid do you think you are? I am not stupid.
18. How stupid do other people think you are? They call me a genius, dumbfuck.
19. Who the hell do you think you are? An avenger.
20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad? I frankly don’t give a shit.
21. If you could levitate, who would you scare first? I wouldn’t try to scare anyone. That’s what Naruto would do. I’d harness that ability, train it, and use it to kill my brother.
22. What's your favorite fruit? Naruto.
23. Can you feel the love tonight? No.
24. On a nude beach, you would...? Get the hell out of there and go train to kill my brother.
25. Make up a story with yourself: Once upon a time there was a happy little boy who didn’t have an evil older brother and his family wasn’t killed by said evil older brother. And his dad appreciated him.
26. What do you think about contemporary art? Art is pointless.
27. Do you like being naked? If Naruto is naked under me.
28. If we had proof God didn't exist, what would happen? Nothing. Who says that there is a God? He never listened to me. Not when Itachi killed my entire family and left me to die.
29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz? I don’t “enjoy” much.
30. What's your position on virginity? What virginity?
31. On civil unions: Pointless.
32. On RuPaul: …
33. On mosquito bites: They are for the weak.
34. On bad sitcoms: I don’t watch TV.
35. On Fran Drescher: Who?
36. Are you left handed or right handed? Left-handed.
37. Are you smart? I. Am. A. Fucking. Genius.
38. What's your middle name? I don’t have one.
39. How many personalities do you have? One.
40. How many piercings do you have? Aside from the time I was stuck with needles through the neck, none.
41. What was your first word? ………………………aniki.
42. Are you superstitious? No. I do not believe in gods or fate. Only power. And vengeance.
43. Do you read your horoscope? No.
44. Do you believe in that stuff? What do you fucking think?
45. Can you do a cartwheel? Yes.
46. Do you have contact lenses? No. I don’t need them. I have the Sharingan.
47. Do you have a retainer or braces? No. I am Uchiha fricking Sasuke. My teeth are perfect.
48. Can you drive? My speed is more superior than a fucking car.
49. Do you snore? No. Naruto does.
50. Do you drool in your sleep? See above.
51. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge? I do not write letters. I have no family or friends to write them to, because my brother killed them all. Damn him.
52. Do you keep a journal? …no.
53. Do you like onions? They are food; I have no opinion.
54. Do you like cotton candy? I don’t like sweets.
55. What instruments can you play? I don’t play anything. I fight and train to kill my brother.
56. Do you like to dance? No.
57. Do you like to sing? No. And I hate it even more when Naruto sings.
58. Are you any good at it? I don’t sing. At all. But if I did, I would better at it than you.
59. Do you like to talk on the phone? No, because I have no one to talk to.
60. Do you like where you live? I have a fucking pedophile after my ass every five fucking minutes. No, it’s beautiful here, you fucktard.
61. Are you organized? Yes.
62. Do you sleep with socks on? I sleep with a kunai under my pillow. In case my brother comes.
63. Are you shy? No. I just hate people.
64. Do you talk to yourself? I am not crazy.
65. Are you a morning person? No.
66. Are you a virgin? Take a fucking wild guess.
67. Are you proud of that? Yes, I am very proud of being fucked over on a daily basis.
68. Do you believe in reincarnation? No.
69. Do you believe in God? Any god abandoned me long ago.
70. Do you believe in ghosts? Ghosts of my past... they haunt me and tell me that I must avenge the clan and kill my brother.
71. Do you believe in bigfoot? My feet are fine. Fucking perfect.
72. How old do you wish you were? Old enough to be stronger than my brother.
73. What will you name your daughter? I don’t know. First I must avenge the Uchiha clan, then I’ll think about restarting it.
74. Son? I don’t. Fucking. Know.
75. Have you ever thought you were gonna die? Yes. Numerous times. But I have to live. To kill him.
76. Where do you wanna go? I want to find my brother and kill him once I’m strong enough.

Ever...

1: Been kissed? Yes. Numerous times.
2: Done drugs? No. Except for that enhancement pill to get me to the next level of the curse seal.
3: Eaten an entire box of Oreos? …I am stronger than that.
4: Been on stage? No.
5: Dumped someone else? Naruto always comes crawling back.
6: Gotten in a car accident? No.
7: Watched "Punky Brewster"? What. The. Fuck.
8: Been in love? I no longer believe in love.

Favorites…

9: Shampoo: The one I use.
10: Toothpaste: See above.
11: Soap: See above the above.
12: Type of soup: Anything but ramen.
13: Room in your house: The bedroom.
14: Instrument: I don’t play.

Either/Or..

15: Coffee or hot chocolate? Coffee.
16: Big or little? Big. As big as possible.
17: Lace or satin? Satin.
18: New or old? Old.
19: Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love Hewitt? The one with the shorter name.
20: Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? Neither.
21: Vogue or Material Girl? …I am not a fucking girl.
22: Jeans or cords? Jeans.
23: Sweater or sweatshirt? Sweatshirt.
24: T-shirt or tank top? T-shirt.
25: Skirt or dress? Dress.
26: Wool or cotton? Cotton.
27: Rose or Lily? Lily. For death.
28: The way it is or the way it was? The way it was. Before Itachi became evil.
29: Oldies or pop? Oldies.
30: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No.
31: Do you have a best friend? My relationship with Naruto is complicated. Kind of.

In the last 24 hours, have you...

32: Cried? No.
33: Helped someone? No.
34: Bought something? No.
35: Gotten sick? No.
36: Gone to the movies? No.
37: Gone out for dinner? No.
38: Said "I love you"? I said that I don’t believe in love.
39: Written a real letter? No. No one to write the goddamn letters to.
40: Moved on? I have been moving on for two and a half years.
41: Talked to an ex? No.
42: Missed an ex? No.
43: Written in a journal? …I don’t have a journal.
44: Talked to someone you have a crush on? Crushes are what girls have.
45: Had a serious talk? I am always serious.
46: Missed someone? …I miss no one. Ever.
47: Hugged someone? That is an overrated gesture.
48: Fought with your parents? My. Parents. Are. Dead. MY ENTIRE FUCKING CLAN IS DEAD.
49: Fought with a friend? Many times, and in many, many ways.

Do you.....

50: Wear eye shadow? …eyeliner. Not eyeshadow.
51: Put on a "front"? I don’t need to. I am better than everyone else. Almost.
52: Kiss on the first date? I don’t date.
53: Have a crush on someone? I already told you that crushes are for girls.
54: Eat with your mouth open? I did once. With Naruto. We were hungry.
55: If you got a tattoo, where would you get it, and what would it be? I already have one. It’s on my neck and in the shape of a pedophile’s curse seal.
56: What color is your floor/carpet in your room? Dark.
57: What was the last CD you bought? I don’t have time for CDs.
58: How did you spend last summer? I trained to kill my brother. Which is what I should be doing right now.
59: When's the last time you showered? This morning.
60: Are you tired? I can’t care about being tired when I have to get stronger.
61: Are you lonely? …No.
62: Are you happy? Never have been.
63: Are you wearing pajamas? No.
64: Are you talking to someone online? No. I have no one to talk to. I never have.
65: What are the initials of your crush/interest/spouse? I am tied by feelings to no one. NO ONE.
66: What is your astrological sign? Leo.
67: What is the sign of your crush/interest/spouse? What part of not tied down by feelings to anyone don’t you fucking get?
68: What time is it? That wasn't so bad, was it? It’s almost midnight. It wasn’t bad. Just fucking annoying.